I didn't believe it would be this hard.
By Danzylop
@Danzylop (1120)
Philippines
July 4, 2012 6:43am CST
I am living with my mother-in-law. We are not yet married with my girlfriend but we are now living together. We were supposed to get married last April but was not pushed through because she was in the hospital for 3 months. This is the reason why I am now living with someone I didn't believe would living something bad in my heart. I do not understand why I feel this way but I am uncomfortable to be with her. When she speaks there is always some meaning that gets to me some kind of little insult. I hated to feel it and have been keeping this thing inside me.
Another problem I'm having with her is that, she always want to sleep with my baby. It is my responsibility to take care of my baby at night. It is a little bit irritating that she has took over a very big part from me as a father since my baby will be the only baby. My wife cannot bear a child anymore. She has a congenital heart disease that bearing a child would endanger her fatally. When ever I want to pacify my baby when she is crying, she hesitates to give the baby to me. It feels like she is afraid that I will take my baby away from her for life.
I am having a hard time getting along with her. She also would put a pressure on me since I am currently jobless. I decided to leave my job to take care of my wife in the hospital. I am currently waiting for any update because I really want to go back. I don't want to start with another job because I already love my previous job. My wife's mom would tell hidden insults to me. and I am trying to absorb all the patience because I don't want to have a confrontation with her.
Anyone who has the same experience, can you share your thoughts please?
1 person likes this
4 responses
@arizen (152)
• Philippines
4 Jul 12
I do not have the same experience as yours. But I have seen it in some of my relatives. From your story, I think that your mother-in-law is a bit conservative. She may have had this pre-judgment of your character because of the events that had happened. She may be bearing some ill feelings (guilt and blame) because of the condition of her daughter, who is your wife. We cannot undo the past. What you can try is to lengthen the patience that you have. Persevere, endure. Whenever you see her, or whenever she start implying insults, just keep your mouth shut. In your head, imagine yourself waving a white flag that clearly says, "I will not fight you no matter what!". After sometime and after a dozen of her failed attempts to enrage you, she will eventually calm down.Or she may get tired of babbling and so forth.
Regarding the responsibility of taking care of your baby, let her. But do not forget to remind her that you are longing to take care of the baby too. Just look on the positive side. While other grandmothers are encouraging their daughters to abort babies, at least your wife's mother is fond of taking care of the baby.
Good luck and keep it light. Do not fight her no matter what. Focus on your wife and your child.
@Danzylop (1120)
• Philippines
4 Jul 12
There is some sort of blaming I think. Because her recent sickness was due to her pregnancy. I never knew she had a heart disease but she knows. Actually I feel bad about how she kept on her own that my wife has a disease. I knew it she knows because my wife told my that her mom kept a medicines for her when she was young and told her (my wife) that those were vitamins but later on found out that are meds for her heart.
When the doctor told me that the condition of my wife is highly risky, that he even told me to accept it if anything turns unexpectedly. There was one time the doctor asked everyone, " Did you never knew the problem in her heart since birth?" the mother denied which annoyed me so much. She lied I knew it.
So much for that. My wife survived it and she is now well.
I am now looking at the bright side and conditioned my mind to be grateful that I have her helping me take care of my family.
1 person likes this
@smacksman (6053)
•
4 Jul 12
Good advice and wise words, arizen.
I would only add my 2c and that is get a job and get out of the house for most of the day and leave the child to the ladies. That is tradition and the best balance for all in the house.
@Danzylop (1120)
• Philippines
6 Jul 12
That is what I am supposed to do. But I want them to understand me that I am still looking for a new job. They should consider that it is not easy to land on a good job. This unemployment I am suffering now is not because I am lazy. I left my job to take of my wife personally. I don't think it is fair to insult me because of the situation.
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
4 Jul 12
Danzylop never live with inlaws when you are in the situation you are in as there builds up tension between you and mother in law.she resents you being unemployed and living off her. do not let her sleep with your baby and do find a job to get away from mom in law.even if
you have to pay a nanny to stay in and care for baby. living with inlaws just does not work at all. good luck and 'God bless you. t
1 person likes this
@LetranKnight25 (33121)
• Philippines
4 Jul 12
That's one reason why i chose not to settle down nor look for some one to be with. Because i might regret it in the end. I think she is just a new and still attach to the baby i believe. wow, that's awful, a person should tell you everything
. it's one of the reasons why am so afraid to have a relationship because the person might not tell all or tell it later when am committed to that person. well, it's natural because my mom also said negative things, but that'ss natural since they care for their kids, specially to the daughter.
you need to have more courage to live in this life you choose.
. it's one of the reasons why am so afraid to have a relationship because the person might not tell all or tell it later when am committed to that person. well, it's natural because my mom also said negative things, but that'ss natural since they care for their kids, specially to the daughter.you need to have more courage to live in this life you choose.@Danzylop (1120)
• Philippines
6 Jul 12
I thought everything is gonna be OK. I never knew that she has a congenital illness. But don't regret that she came into my life. I am not totally sad about it. Were OK with my wife. Settling down is a very happy part of life but there are things that really tests your commitment.
@safety69 (592)
• Taiwan
4 Jul 12
Dont fight with your mother in law , and find a job as soon as you can , then , find a place to live only the family : your wife, your son and you. You need to raise that boy , your mother in law s job is to play with the kid and love him. The responsability is yours , dont let her take away that from you. Good luck.
1 person likes this
