How do you help a young child family member cope with grief?
By samson1
@samson1 (738)
Jamaica
July 8, 2012 8:02pm CST
Yesterday, I was at the Pharmacy, and overheard a grandmother talking to a 4 year old granddaughter; telling the child that- instead of telling her that her mother died suddenly and will be buried in a few week time, she said that - her mother is gone to the Moon.
Mylotters, have you ever been placed in this 'strange' position where you have to to explain to a young child (or family member) of a sad occation that involves grief? How can you reach a young child of your family, who have experienced grief for the first time,(for example the death of their favorite grandma or a mother)?
Do you tell them the truth or do you tell them a 'story' explaining that that loveone will never return again?
1 person likes this
4 responses
@AlyssaCee (3)
• United States
9 Jul 12
In my opinion, the truth is the safest way to go. When you tell a child something difficult yes they will probably cry and they will no doubt be hurt. But this way they can grieve the way they need to. When the child grows up they'll know she didn't really go to the moon and so they'll search for the real answer. They would have to re-grieve. And kids are not as oblivious as they seem. Trust that time will heal all wounds. Now, I'm not saying to break the news to them hard, I'm just saying don't lie. Maybe if it's too horrible the answer would be to just not tell the whole truth.
@samson1 (738)
• Jamaica
9 Jul 12
AlyssaCee, thanks for trying to understand the rationale behind the grandmother's explanation-however strange it may sound- to her granddaughter.
At the time in the Pharmacy, I could not know whether the grandmother had already told the child the truth about her mother's demise.., prior to my eavesdropping in on their conversation. However, your comments are soothing to any person who has to deal with children in grief.
Thanks again for your contribution to this discussion.
@choybel (5042)
• Philippines
9 Jul 12
I think it would be better to tell the child the truth. I believe that being young, he/she usually can recover or move on sooner than adults. It is not easy but it must be done. Thank God I have never been in a situation where I had to do this to a child.
@samson1 (738)
• Jamaica
9 Jul 12
Indeed, Choybel, I believe in telling the child the truth (in a simplified way), so that he/she can learn to cope with grief, over time.
To date, like you Choybel, I have neither been in a situation where I had to do this with a child, nor had to be consoled by an adult (while being a child). However, I sympathize with all persons, who have already experienced the sad moments that I mentioned in my scenario. I wish anyone who mhave been striken with grief, the necessary coping skills to bear with their loss.
Happy mylotting, and thanks.
@sender621 (14893)
• United States
9 Jul 12
Grief and loss of a loved one is hard enough without having to pass that on a young child. it is difficult to know how they will react to what you are about to tell them. I think you should be honest and open with a child and tell them what has happened as gently as you can. telling them unrealistic things will not change what has happened or lessen the loss. only time can do that. I lost mygrandmother when I was only six. i can remember my little brother being told that grandpa went to heaven as easily as saying he went to the store. My brother just said he would see grandpa later. Only through eyes and ears of a child can the truth become so clear.@samson1 (738)
• Jamaica
9 Jul 12
Hi Sender621, how are you? At this late stage, may I offer my condolences to you and your family?
Anyway, you are correct in stating that time is the best healer, and telling the truth in a simplified way, will allow this child or any child, (based on your example,) for appropriate healing to take place, over time.
Well done and Happy mylotting.
