Yes, I'm a good listener, but don't take that for granted
By scatcats
@scatcats (2)
July 9, 2012 12:25pm CST
When my friend reaches the point where he feels he can almost daily unload his problems onto me I know I have allowed being a good listener to meld over into another area. I am there for him when he has issues to deal with at work or whatever. I have been there to listen and to offer advice where I can. But I know I have reached a 'danger zone' with him in this area because it is a very frequent thing with him. The phone calls to tell me of the days dread. I wasn't aware for a long time that his negativity was pulling me down until one day like a light bulb going off in my head I realized, 'Hey, he's dumping his garbage out on you. Constantly.' I don't mind being there for him. He's been there for me too. But I'm sure he's overextended my patience and support. Here's the real kicker, when he calls me to vent and doesn't even taken consideration to ask how my day was. That's what really gets my blood boiling. So one day I told him he could at least inquire about how I'm doing in life since he always wants to load his troubles, or try to, onto me. Furthermore, I even have let him know that he can't always unload these things on me. That he has to find within himself ways to cope with life just as I cope and deal with mine. It has helped greatly. He still calls from time to time to release somethings. Depending on what type of mood I'm in, I'll listen or tell him to 'deal with it on his own.' I simply hit a breaking point with him in the area of being a good listener because he's thrown his mess at me for years. I had to step out of the danger zone. We're still very good friends. I just can no longer be his dumping ground. You know what I mean? Have you or are you experiencing this kind of issue in any of your relationships: where people take your kindness and good listening skills for granted? How have/are you dealing?
1 person likes this
2 responses
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
10 Jul 12
Hi Scatcats,
Welcome to Mylot!
I understand your situation completely and I know those kind of people having dealt with too many of them! Just like a happy and really upbeat person can get us smiling and laughing even when we are feeling kind of down ourselves....these whiners can drag us right down. I think that because I've had too many people like your friend in my life, I am very careful not to just dump on my friends for issues that are just a part of everyday life. Even if its something big, I let them know what is going on and let it go. Being around upbeat people helps more than constant venting I think.