He needs advice.
By chicgale
@chicgale (2982)
Philippines
July 9, 2012 5:37pm CST
I have a male friend who asked my advice about his situation on his love life right now. He has a girlfriend who is working abroad. Since him and her both working overseas, they didn't see each other for like 14 months already. They were only together for 4 months here in our country, and 10 months long distance.
My friend admitted to me that he met a girl, and he couldn't understand his feelings with this new girl. He said he love this new girl and he never felt this kind of feelings before and he is kinda confused about it because he didn't expect that it happened. He said he never cheated to any of his previous gf's. This is the first time he cheated.
His problem is, he don't know what to do now. I told him to just choose any 1 of them who he really want, and the sad part is, his new girl has a boyfriend also, but he said his new girl is willing to leave her boyfriend for him. But my friend doesn't want to hurt his gf abroad. He don't know what to tell her or how to tell her without hurting her. His girl will be back here in our country in two years.
What do you think? How am I gonna tell to my friend? Is it really possible that he really love this new girl? Or maybe he is just lonely and got excited?
2 people like this
12 responses
@asdomencil (4265)
• Philippines
10 Jul 12
You got a point there that he might just be getting lonely or missing his girlfriend. Maybe, 4 months staying together with his gf is not yet enough to tell him that he really loves the person. Maybe, he should talk to his current gf that things are not getting any better because of their long distance relationship. Many says that long distance relationship is really hard to manage and does not work totally.
He should talk to his girlfriend seriously.
1 person likes this
@asdomencil (4265)
• Philippines
10 Jul 12
He was really confused about the situation. I think he should really think for it not only twice but many times. try to talk to his gf so they will decide what to do.
1 person likes this
@chicgale (2982)
• Philippines
10 Jul 12
Yes, I told him to be honest with her. But right now, he didn't send his gf abroad a text message for a week now. Her also didn't text him or call him. So, I don't know if their relationship will last. What do you think? When I was in Canada 9 years ago, I have many friends who had gf's and bf's back here in Philippines who cheated. Do you think long distance relationship is always like that? I have no idea coz I once had a long distance relationship back when I was single but, my ex cheated on me.
@chicgale (2982)
• Philippines
10 Jul 12
Yes, that's what I told him also. I told him that long distance relationship is very hard unless they communicate each other every day. But he told me that his gf is not a sweet type of girl. So I guess he just need to wait and see about his situation.
@jvincent_129 (4994)
• Philippines
12 Jul 12
It's really hard to say in behalf of you because we don't know the clear situation between your friend and his gf before she went abroad. It could be possible that your friend just was feeling lonely and got excited and was developed to another girl. It's really hard to maintain the connection in a long distance relationship. Maybe the love they had for about 4 months wasn't strong enough that's why the guy found another girl that he eventually liked. If your male friend really loves his gf then he should be contented and happy with her regardless if she is far away from her.
I think you should tell that to your friend immediately so that she'll know and no further damage will be done. And also open up to your guy friend and tell him what's going on.
1 person likes this
@jvincent_129 (4994)
• Philippines
13 Jul 12
It's going to be complicated when she comes home from abroad. It's hard to give advices in that situation. They will have to decide for themselves. Who do they love the most. Are they willing to give up everything.
@chicgale (2982)
• Philippines
12 Jul 12
I kept giving him advice. He told me that he really love the new girl but the girl has a live in partner. But he told his new girl that he wants to take it slow on their relationship just for the sake of their future, and that he don't want the girl to hurt her live in partner. But his new girl is willing to leave her man. It is really complicated situation.. I am having a hard time giving him advises.
@Dominique25 (9464)
• United States
9 Jul 12
He should just tell his girlfriend abroad the truth. She will be hurt but it is best for her to know the truth and soon. Hopefully he can make the right decision. It is hard to know what to say when our feelings are so wrapped up in a situation.
@Dominique25 (9464)
• United States
27 Jul 12
No I think it takes a lot more time for a person to love someone. We can be infatuated or like a person highly. But to have real feelings it takes more time. And he is likely right. The relationship with the new girl will more than likely fail.
@chicgale (2982)
• Philippines
10 Jul 12
Yeah I know. That's what he told me. He is afraid also that the girl he just met and him, will not work. Eventhough both of them has the same feelings towards each other. Do you think it's possible to love someone he just met for a couple of days?
1 person likes this
@deodavid (4150)
• Philippines
11 Jul 12
Hey there chic,
Well this is a tough one, because the girl you are going to hurt is away and has no fighting chance in the relationship and is scary of what might happen to her being alone and all in abroad, well i think it is also unfair to not tell her the truth since she is stuck with the wrong person, my suggestion is try to tell her anyways the truth will set them both free just be prepared for the outcome.
@bjc66bjc (6730)
• United States
10 Jul 12
I think honesty is always be best thing in situtations like this.
What I don't understand is how does a adult person get themselves
into this kind of predicament..If he loves this girl thats abroad
how on earth did he fall in love with someone else..
Could it be that he is not really in love with this new girlfriend
just enjoying the attention and the company of another woman??
call me old school but I just don't get it....
1 person likes this
@monkmano (585)
• Canada
12 Jul 12
you're so right! i don't get it, such a predicament. how do we do this to each other, when love is solid and real it shouldnt happen but it does. i mean he could still love his gf even though he cheated and wow this must be an exhausting thing for him because im already exhausted thinking about it!
1 person likes this
@theguy03 (185)
• United States
9 Jul 12
About the new girl that he has met, how you find someone is how you will loose them. Meaning if she is willing to cheat on her current boryfriend and leave for him the same thing will probably happen in a short time, people are creatures of habit. The girl he has known will have been gone aproximatley 34 months and he will have actually seen her for 4 of them, it seems simple enough to let her go for the time being and pick up where they left off when she returns. It seems odd that after 4 months of knowing someone you'd be able to spend 30 months lonely awaiting their return. If they were ment to be together it will end up happening, but if they're schedules continue to draw them appart I'd say it'd be better to seperate. Hope I've helped, best of luck to your friend. :)
1 person likes this
@chicgale (2982)
• Philippines
10 Jul 12
Thank you. He told me that his girlfriend abroad doesn't wanna come back here until 2 years or maybe more coz she has plans for her family. He said that his girlfriend's priority is her family here in our country. My friend told me that he don't know what she is doing there anyway. She kept on telling him how many man courted her abroad and stuff like that. He said he didn't get jealous and that he trust her, but right now they didn't communicate for a week now.
@Lauraleigh99 (4718)
• United States
10 Jul 12
He just has to be honest with his gf and tell her the truth on what happened. It is better to come straight from him instead of her hearing it from someone else. Then he has to decide which one he really wants to be with. It the girl he cheated with has a bf he may give up the gf he has and then she decides to stay with her man. So he needs to talk to her too and see if see plans on dating him or staying where she is at
@wolveren (1586)
• Cebu, Philippines
10 Jul 12
Sometimes the truth hurts. He has to tell the truth one way or another. The longer he says anything, the longer he will cheat himself and his girlfriend abroad. In some way he has just gotten himself in deeper trouble than he already can bargain for. There are so many factors involving relationships, one is getting carried away with temporary emotions. Emotions aren't always correct. They are result of hormones and secretions from the body, which signals a variety of things throughout the body. When he is absolutely sure about himself without getting carried away and feels its not a trick, then he has to come out with the truth. The earlier the better. Hearts will be broken. Why wait 2 years to break someone's heart when you will break it anyway. The longer he takes to tell his girlfriend abroad the more her heart will be broken.
@atv818 (1980)
• United Arab Emirates
9 Jul 12
Well, my Dear, that's what friends are for - provide all the support and advice then the rest is up to them. Pardon me for saying but I think you're male friend is selfish. Does not want to hurt his girlfriend? Well, tell him to open his eyes because he is unconsciously hurting her now. If he wants to be guilt-free, tell him to be honest with his feelings, choose and bite the bullet. There are consequences to his actions and it's up to him which he will be happy to have.
First time to cheat. Yes, there is a first time to everything and if he does not want to be cheated on, tell him to stop and be honest from now on or break up with his current girlfriend then move on without the burden of a heavy feeling of guilt.
Friends will always ask us for help. It is our responsibility to guide them to the right direction with advices but let them decide for themselves and hope for the best. Just be there in case they fall so you can help them up. Good luck!
1 person likes this
@sherrybelle (707)
• United States
10 Jul 12
Yes...I think it's possible that he loves this new girl.
The challenge of the long distance relationship is that there is no physical contact when people try to maintain a long distance relationship. Most people would want that physical contact daily, or at least, once a week.
I think you should advise him to tell the long distance girlfriend that he can no longer maintain the long distance relationship and that they both deserve to be free to experience other people, places and things.
Sometimes, the truth doesn't hurt as much as being deceived.
1 person likes this
@Cale2012 (114)
•
10 Jul 12
I also think your friend has fall in love with new girl. He start to ready together with her, but many personel affairs need him to handle and explain to his ex-girlfriend.He don't know what to do now? But in our view, we know everything he always done as what he want. He didn't confused and stop interaction with new girl. So he love and want to found relationship with her, now maybe he just need you help him make a decision about this. And he feel confortable about betray, because many friend stand same side with him.Lonely and exciet make him feel fresh love smell.
1 person likes this
@monkmano (585)
• Canada
10 Jul 12
and most important thing for your friend to do is tell the girl abroad! it isnt fair to her he should tell her as soon as possible. then whatever she says, if she doesnt want to be with a cheater than thats her perogative.. my opinion is she should dump him and find someone who will treat her right even if its 10 months apart, be honest.
then he needs to sort it out with the other girl too, either say im back with my girlfriend or sort out whether she is going to say with her boyfriend. but he should give her an ultimatum and not be the "other man"
just clean this mess up! both sides seem to need a lot of work so he needs to really look at himself and decide who hes willing to work for.
1 person likes this
