I went with my husband to counselling yesterday..

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My husband and I have had ongoing marriage problems for years now. It's nothing very serious. We just fight a lot over stupid things.. mostly miscommunication and being over sensitive.. and we are both at fault. On top of this my husband has some temper issues. So a few months ago I told him if he didn't get his temper under control I was going to leave him. So he began seeing a therapist and I decided to start anti-depressant medication to try to control my portion of our problems. The therapy helped for a little while, and I saw that he was making an effort so our problems disappeared.. for a few weeks. Then he slowly started falling back into bad old habits, and in turn I fell back into bad old habits, etc. etc. Through it all he has not stopped going to therapy. Unfortunately a good portion of his therapy sessions are centered around other things happening in his life such as work and other family (like his sister) and he never really finds a solution for these problems, they continue to stress him out. Because I was out of work early yesterday I decided to go with him to his weekly therapy session so that I could weigh in on how I think my husband has progressed and ensure the conversation stayed on problems I felt were important to discuss.. like our marital issues and his temper. I must say the session ended up being so much better than I thought. It did not go the way I expected it.. but the therapist pointed out that a lot of our problem is that both of us had a childhood where we felt unwanted and unloved. His parents fought a lot and took their aggrevassions out on him and his sister emotionally and mentally. They told them they wished they'd never adopted them. So hubby feels worthless because of this. I grew up being neglected by my mother. She allowed me to be abused physically and sexually and did nothing to stop it. So I grew up feeling worthless and unloved. So, because we both have similar problems, we aren't connecting the way we should, instead we're pulling away from each other more and more because we're not getting what we want from the other. The more we don't get what we want from the other, the more we pull away and refuse to give the other what they want.. causing a viscious circle. Hubby had known this about himself, even before counselling. It was actually obvious due to the fact he was outright told he was unwanted by his parents. My mother never outright told me I was unwanted, but subconsiously I realize I was unwanted because she neglected me and allowed me to be abused. I had thought I was handling things fine because it doesn't really bother me that these things happened to me as a child.. it's just a part of my life. It had never dawned on me that my insecurities were due to feeling hurt, rejected, and unwanted my whole life. I actually ended up crying during counselling, and hubby cried a little bit too because he realized he'd been inadvertently hurting me all along, which he didn't mean to do, obviously. We are certainly not cured and I highly doubt this is the end of our problems, because it's too easy to fall back into old habits and blame the other for our hurt feelings. But I think I may begin to go to counselling on my own now to try to sort through some of my own personal problems, and try to not be so insecure anymore. Have you ever been to counselling? Have you ever had a realization that something you thought was someone else's fault turned out to be something you'd never even thought of?