Was I wrong to say no?
By krupar5
@krupar5 (287)
United States
July 15, 2012 12:52am CST
My older sister is getting a divorce and has been dating a new man for almost a year now. She has 2 kids that I love. They still have not established custody, but have an order in place. Shw was advised by her lawyer to follow the order because she was letting their father take them more then half the time so she can spend time with her new boyfriend.Well this past week she went away to another state to meet her boyfriend's parents because his dad is not doing well. She asked me to watch her kids, and I have done so for over a month while she worked, but I told her no this time. She is currently laid off and did not spend time with her kids. She came over my house and I took care of her kids. They all slept over,but she would leave,sometimes before her kids were asleep to go over her boyfriends. So when she asked if I could watch her for the week while she went away, I said no. She ended up having their dad watch them. Well her lawyer said that this may hurt her custody case. She currently has them the majority of the time, and now because she went away and I did not watch them she may only get 50/50.
I woud not care if they split custody, but their father has a history of drug and alcohol use. He also is irresponsible. I am feeling terrible now because of my actions. Her boyfriends' dad is ill and he wanted my sister to meet him before he passes away. Do you think I was wrong for saying no?Also I was taking care of her kids and it was causing stree between my husband and I.
3 responses
@jjzone44 (917)
• United States
15 Jul 12
I don't think you did the wrong thing at all; custody issues can get very messy, and you want to have as little involvement as possible. And I am not sure that her lawyer really told her that (unless you actually heard it from the lawyer yourself). You may have actually helped her, as when a problem comes up in one's life (and it will, divorce does not stop that) a responsible parent would ask the other parent to watch the child even if they are not together. To take your scheduled visitation, only to have someone else watch the child so you can travel, it would make sense that action could be used against her in court. His lawyer might argue that she accepts her scheduled visitations, but then doesn't keep the children during them and he would have evidence to support this claim. You might have actually ended up being subpoenaed into court to testify against your own friend, as the court recognizes spousal privilege, but there is no such protection for friends.
@jjzone44 (917)
• United States
16 Jul 12
You're welcome. The other thing I was thinking after I responded was that understanding of the situation, should come from the new boyfriend, and not you. Whenever someone enters into a relationship, you have to be willing to accept all of the nuances that come along with said relationship. If you happen to choose a mate with children, then you cannot expect that mate to ignore their children for your benefit. Those children come along, they are part of the family and they always will be. I understand her point of wanting to meet his dad as he was sick, but if proper arrangements cannot be made to take the children along, then the next best course of action is to leave them with a parent or grandparent. I once dated a girl who had a child, and often times her mother would watch the child when we wanted to go out. But if her mom was not available, the child came with us, and our plans changed to include him, that's just the way it was, and it was my duty to accept that, not her mother's or even her's.
@mythociate (21435)
• Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
30 Jul 12
You were right. If you were her MOTHER, maybe you wouldn't be right. But you're not; big(?) sister is awfully close to 'mother,' but not enough for you to be wrong for not 'taking care of her.'
@krupar5 (287)
• United States
6 Aug 12
Hi, Thank you for responding.
She is actually my older sister by several years, I just feel like the older one most times. I always have helped her out and I think she has become dependent on my help. I feel better knowing that I am not being selfish or mean.
@angelkarah050182 (4980)
• Philippines
30 Jul 12
Taking care of her children gives you a big responsibility. Yes, let's say it's okay to watch her kids sometimes but not as often as that. She also has the responsibility for her children as their mother. She needs to think of them first before anything else. If she wants to, she needs to hire a nanny for them so that you will not be obliged. She's already taking too much of your time.
