I love my close friends
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
United States
July 16, 2012 8:21am CST
I have a small circle of friends that I would call sisters. Right now I have 4 sisters and they know who they are. One is in Germany and one is in Canada and the other two are here in the states.
If you are really friends, you should be able to keep a healthy balance. If you do get mad at each other, that is okay as long as you make up. To me, having a sister friend is a lot like being married. We are in a friend/relationship. We have to feel free to be honest with each other. At the same time, there are boundaries that we must respect to remain friends. Each person is an individual with a certain way of relating to another person. Some are very sensitive and you have to consider that. You can't be quite as frank with some friends because they are easily offended.
I think it has to do with a person's experiences. If one friend has trust issues with friends, then you have to be sensitive to that.
If another person is really frank, you might think that person is rude, but they don't mean to be.
If another person is dependent upon his or her friends, you are probably that person's sounding board. Or you are just a good listener. Sometimes your friends don't want any comments from you. They just want to talk and they want you to listen. It's up to you to know when to speak up and when to shut up. Some questions are rhetorical and don't require an answer. It's up to the friend to know the difference, and they usually will if they really know their friend.
I love all my friends with their warts and all. They love me for my warts and all. In other words, we aren't perfect. We have flaws and we make mistakes but we almost always come back as friends. Some friends do part, that's true. You say goodbye and move on to find someone that relates to you.
I've lost a couple of friends. I still love them, but from a distance. I never throw a friend away. Even if they choose to throw me away. I have walked away from a couple because I didn't like the abuse and accusations, but I had a lot of love invested into these people, so I still do care for them a lot. They don't know it, and that is fine.
Have you ever been mad at a friend, and did you make up? Is a friendship to you like a marriage in some ways? It is to me. We fight but we always still love each other even when we get out of control with our emotion.
What's your take, mylotters?
What's your take, mylotters?2 people like this
8 responses
@suzzy3 (8341)
•
16 Jul 12
you are right having sister friends is like being married.Give and take ,yes sometimes my best friend infuriates me to the point I could scream at her.But I could not end the relationship as we have shared so many good times and bad times,leaning on each other,taking advise and dishing it out.Most have of my frienships have lasted 30 years or so.New friends come along and it is fun finding out about them.There likes and dislikes,learning to stay away from subjects that upset them.I don't walk on egg shells as that is silly and nothing is worse than sitting drinking tea with someone that sensitive.I did have one friend years ago who got upset every time I openned my mouth.Needless to say walking on egg shells is to much to ask of anybody.I like my friends to be honest and straight talking.I invest a lot of love and consideration into my friends and would be heartbroken to think something would upset them.We don't live in each others pockets but we know we have each other if something goes wrong and we need support.plus we go for walks and natter about everthing under the sun.We put the world to rights ,solving all the worlds problems in one afternoon.Most of our partners and husbands work dreadful hours our kids have grown up and gone.Without my friends life would be a very hollow place.There is a saying "friends are the tree of life" We have such a laugh and muck around we sound like silly school girls but it does cheer you up.I always think if they can put up with me,and sometimes I can be difficult ,I can put up with anything that they throw at me.Give and take.
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
22 Jul 12
You understand me perfectly! That's the way it is.
@natliegleb (5175)
• India
16 Jul 12
even i am also the same kind of character like you and i really love my friends and keep them very close and i share a lot of things with them only and i feel quite enlightened speaking to them,i dont know how i get this brightness
But it comes quite naturally do you also feel that and they are made for us and i am lucky to have a set of people who can understand my feelings and guide me really well.
I can never imagine a world without them and i always try to please and impress them in whatever i do and i also believe fights and hugs are a part of the game and without it the game would not be interesting at anytime and it would be the pleasant way to have fun amongst us
1 person likes this
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
16 Jul 12
yes but what is rude to one person is not to another, a thing you must remember with Internet friends is that they come from all walks of life and all backgrounds.
The thing that bothers me more than anything else is if a friend and I have a tiff, and that person says I don't want to be your friend anymore. Because to me that is throwing away a friendship and the friendship could not have been that important in the first place to every say that.
Years ago a real life friend and I got into an argument over the proper way of doing something. We didn't talk for a week. Now we were so close we had talked everyday and saw each other several times a week.
Anyway I was feeling really bad about not talking to Coreen over a difference in opinion on how to manage the group we belonged to. We were both on the board of directors.
Anyway I got to thinking why am I putting my friendship with this women on the line for a group that we will eventually leave in time?
I called her up and told her I didn't want this disagreement to come between us.
She answered, Carol, if you hadn't called me I would have called you. We are friends and we can fight till the cows come home I don't care, but third party is ever going to come between us.
I have lived my life that way. It is one of the principals I hold most dear to me.
1 person likes this
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
16 Jul 12
I did say that. I don't want to be friends anymore but I'm just talking out of the frustration at the moment. It's not something I mean with my heart. It is just because I'm mad at the moment. I need to remember that boundary and never say that because the other person has no idea that I love her still I'm just mad. I will be talking to my therapist in August about how to argue without making the other person feel unlined or unloved.
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
16 Jul 12
That's it! Friendships are like marriages to me. Like spouses can argue but still remain together, so can friends.
@seriousnuts (508)
• Philippines
16 Jul 12
Hi PointlessQuestions. You treat your friends really well. I agree with your insights on friendship. You have to set some boundaries to remain friends with them. I have known some people who are very tactless. They think that saying out loud about everything to friends would make them closer to them. But each person has his/her own definition of what a close friend is. One should always think about how the other would feel to be a good friend.
I had friends who were tactless, egocentric, insensitive, or user-friendly. I tried to understand them, but gave up. It hurt me because it seemed that I'm the only trying to see from their point of view. And all those friends did was to take advantage of me. There are just some types of relationships that you need to let go. I hope they could be more like you. It would be really nice if more people would think about other people's needs and emotions.
1 person likes this
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
16 Jul 12
I'm certainly not a perfect friend. I've made some mistakes. But I'm willing to work things out.
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
16 Jul 12
I have two brother friends. They are just as precious to me.
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
16 Jul 12
well I sure hope im still on your list. Hope i havent said anything to hurt your feelings. im a bad one for saying things in the wrong way even when i mean well
i have a couple of wonderful friends that ive gotten mad at for doing the same dern things ive said and done without realising it, then we make up because they point out that ive done the same. sometimes we just dont realise how people are going to take things. Like my daughter just wanted some time alone last night and i didnt realise it and kept looking for her to tell her different things and she griped at me. then later realising i didnt know and she had hurt my feelings, she apologised. 
i know its my daughter im talking about but sometimes they are like friends to us. Oh yes, and also i hope i havent been bugging you with to many forwards in e-mail. sometimes i get carried away. lol. 
@RitterSport (2451)
• Lippstadt, Germany
22 Jul 12
hi dear bunny huuuuugs to you as you are also such a really great friend.
@RitterSport (2451)
• Lippstadt, Germany
22 Jul 12
hi dearest PQ I think so too. I rarely end a friendship, but in some cases you wont have another choice. A once close friend of mine blabbed out quite personal stuff at the office and I found out via a third party. I then asked her what the heck she thought when doing so and got a glib answer. That was the end of the friendship. I see her here and there say hello but thats it.
When someone breaks the trust just like that he or she isnt worthy to be called a friend. And sometimes we think we know the friends we chose but we obviously didnt....
My friends right now have to cope with me always being late to answer their mail except my loving oldtimer friend who is like a dad to me, but they forgive me knowing I only have the weekends to catch up on household, sleep, online stuff and snail mail.
