What will you do if your friend is the "other woman"?
By sether
@sether (38)
Philippines
July 20, 2012 8:15am CST
I have a co-worker in my former company that turned out to be a close friend of mine. After being a work buddy for weeks, she let me knew about her secret which is being the other woman of her recent boyfriend. They've been together for 3 years at that time so maybe they're 4-5 years steady until now. I had met the man a couple of times since I'm with my co-worker most of the time especially during snacks. I get a lot of free food whenever they met ^_^.
The first time I knew about it, I don't know what to say to her. She said that she's hesitant to tell anyone about it too but she wants someone to confide to. Since I consider her as a friend even if she's newly hired at that time, I understand her side. And being a friend I always advice her to take the right path and leave that man she said she loves. Unfortunately, she doesn't want to. She knows what she's doing and even admits that she's an idiot and stupid because she loved a man who can never be hers.By the way, she has a grade school daughter from her former boyfriend but not married. Her current boyfriend has 3 kids I think.
Last year, my friend decided to continue her unfinished college degree. Her BF pays her tuition and some expenses but my friend works as his accountant and even her lady errand without pay so she's always absent at work whenever she has to settle things related to her BF's business. Whenever we chat, she says that her BF is always mad at her whenever she commits mistakes, even a little one. Sometimes she hears her BF talks to the legal wife and saying lovely words which hurts her.
I don't know what to do to her anymore or what should I say that I haven't said yet, to ease her pain. I don't know how to make her stay away too to her BF that she admits she love most and telling me its okay even if she doesn't have money as long as she doesn't have to deal with heartaches. I want to save her from that relationship and help her find a right man who will accept her and who deserves her love.
1 person likes this
10 responses
@sether (38)
• Philippines
21 Jul 12
No nixxx05, she has a daughter which is I think 8 or 9 years now. They live together with her family. I don't know the father of her daughter since I know the guy abandon her and she didn't want to marry the guy too, that's according to her story. So her daughter don't know her real father. Her BF now is another guy, which is already married with 3 kids (I think). And they are still steady for more than 3 years now.
1 person likes this
@artemeis (4194)
• China
22 Jul 12
As her friend, I know you've done and said enough but if she's unwilling to accept the facts and convince to change, there's nothing you can do except wait for her to fall flat on her face.
I know people like her, who will always be in denial about their state of affairs (sorry for the pun) and just could not get anything into the head. It is like talking to a brick wall and they would not realize anything or what hit them when the whole thing collapses on them.
Just be patient and remember that they have the right to choose including your wise and not easy good advises. It is just human.
@sether (38)
• Philippines
28 Jul 12
Lol. He actually got my friend pregnant but they've choose to abort. I really pity the little angel :( Actually, I somewhat hate them, it's just that I couldn't voice out, Why? Because they still go to church and even participate to the Nazarene festival but they don't change their ways.
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@nixxx05 (309)
•
23 Jul 12
I totally agree with you artemeis, I also have a colleague before that having a relationship with a married man.
Then she got pregnant and leave her married man because the guy told my colleague to abort the baby. Their relationship lasted for 5 years. I am happy for her right now because she did the right thing. :)
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@nikkinathalie (98)
• Philippines
20 Jul 12
she just need to meet someone else that would truly value her worth as a woman and I really do believe that this guy is a coward to keep a mistress while keeping her official partner. It's like ensuring something for his own benefit. And as for your friend, she is so vulnerable that I think she hasn't found someone that would stay by her side and stand for his love for her. She's the type to look for someone that will reassure her heart and care for her genuinely.
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@nikkinathalie (98)
• Philippines
22 Jul 12
I think you should explain that to her very well for the sake of her daughter and herself, much more for the family of the guy , so that there won't be another broken family in this world :(
@sether (38)
• Philippines
28 Jul 12
I think I already told her every useful words I know just to make her realize. I even told her that having a relationship like that is a curse and it may happen again, who knows, on her daughter. I just really hope she'll find a way to earn more money to support her studies and her daughter because she somewhat depends on the capability of the man as of now.
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@jureathome (5361)
• Philippines
21 Jul 12
Well, its not really going to be easy to drag her out of that situation, unless she, herself decides to have a better life. I think she's being helpless, with everything that's going on in her life, being a solo parent, being a mistress, etc. As a friend, the best you can do is to be there when she needs someone to talk to, and to constantly give her your advices and assurance that she has you as her friend.
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@jureathome (5361)
• Philippines
21 Jul 12
Well, you also have a life of your own. We really can't be there all the time for our friends. We don't even have enough time to be there for all our direct family members. She's an adult, and you can only do so much to help her fix her life. She should wake up and perhaps, just include her in your prayers.
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@sether (38)
• Philippines
21 Jul 12
Yeah I know that. I left the company a year ago and now living in the province so we talk only thru chats and text messages sometimes. I feel guilty that I'm not there everytime she needs me and I couldn't provide her a shoulder to cry on. I just hope that she'll wake up from her addiction the soonest possible. Thank you for the response.
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@musicluv4life (1867)
• United States
20 Jul 12
That would be very hard to deal with.
I wish you the best luck talking to your friend.
I know people can be stubborn, she might just have to realize on her own before she will listen to anyone. I have had friends like that with similar relationship issues.
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@sether (38)
• Philippines
21 Jul 12
Yeah. There are even times that I joke about hammering her head and maybe she'll realize that there are other men out there who deserves her love than him. I guess I'll just have to pray for her to wake up from this mess. Thanks for the response.
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@musicluv4life (1867)
• United States
22 Jul 12
aww, Yeah i would just pray for her and hope she sees what shes doing and realizes she needs to get out.
I will pray for her too if you would like me too.
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@Raine38 (12250)
• United States
20 Jul 12
Hmmm, this sounds familiar, like I've read this somewhere.
Anyway, I may not be a love expert, but I sure know that this isn't supposed to be how love is. True love brings out the best in each other. It inspires them to be better persons; and as the bible says, it's not selfish.
From the looks of it your friend got it bad. Does she have any painful past that marred her self confidence for her to just suck it in with this guy and his treatment of her? How does this affect her kid?
You see, young kids are very sensitive to the distress of their parents, especially if she's only got one parent. Your friend should re-consider if this is really the path that she wants to take and the example that she wants her daughter to grew up on. I am not judging her, no, far from it. Just giving you some things to consider being her confidant and all.
You're a good friend, I know how it feels to have your friend cry on you. It wasn't easy but for now, you have to always include her in your prayers and be strong for her and her kid; you could be her only "good thing" in this situation for the time being.
1 person likes this
@sether (38)
• Philippines
21 Jul 12
Yeah I think this story seems familiar considering the society where in now. It's my first time having a friend like her actually so I don't know how to handle her problem. According to her, the only ones who knows about her relationship with the guy is her other friend and me besides the two of them. I know a lot of her relatives asking about when will they plan to get married, which is very impossible. Her daughter doesn't know about it, of course. The funny thing is, her daughter wants her BF's surname because I know the daughter calls her BF "Daddy" now.
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@Raine38 (12250)
• United States
21 Jul 12
Oh geesh, this is gonna get ugly. I really can't tell what I will do to my friend if I were in your shoes; but I will definitely ask her to secure her daughter's future and by that, I don't only mean the material things that she wants or needs. When I say her daughter's future, that also includes on how this will affect her once she's no longer "too young" to put two and two together. It will be a lot worse if her daughter will find out the real score between their "family" from someone else. Society can be cruel even to young kids.
I just hope she can fix this very soon.
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@sether (38)
• Philippines
21 Jul 12
Yeah I just hope she'll be in the right path when her daughter's old enough to understand everything. I know she doesn't want her daughter to grow up with such environment because I know this kind of stuff could turn into curse or something so I hope she'll realize it soon. Thanks for sharing your thoughts though :)
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@nenyalorien (899)
• Philippines
28 Jul 12
Leaving a bad relationship is easier said than done. We who are on the outside may cringe and say we'll never do such a thing to ourselves, but to those who have fallen hard for men who have wives and are not even separated from them but just really want to keep collecting their trophy women, it's a sticky situation that they may find hard to get out of.
I mean, if it were that easy, there would be no Genelyn Mercado of Ramon Revilla Sr. or Rachel Tiongson of Chavit Singson out there.
I believe, however, that you are doing the right thing: praying for and just listening to your friend. You can't really decide for her. While personally I tell friends who take a toll on my sanity to stay a certain distance away from me when things get tough, it's really part of being a good friend and a good person to not abandon someone in their darkest hour.
Stop voicing out she'll leave him, though; pray harder instead. And just give your friend the acceptance she needs.
This is something she has to do for herself, I'm afraid. No amount of convincing will get her to do what we all know is right, until she herself wants to do it. :(
@sether (38)
• Philippines
3 Aug 12
Yeah I guess I have to just keep being there in times that she needs someone to talk to and keep praying also that she'll realize the soonest time and live a life that she don't have to worry about anything but just her and her daughter. Thanks for the comment nenyalorien :)
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
28 Jul 12
in that relationship has your friend ever considered how she is hurting the woman he is bound to? not only that b ut she is
hurting herself. she needs to realize that a man who two times
'will eventually tire of her and move to another young woman.
Your friend deserves a man who will love only her whether living
t
ogether or married. to me living together is still wrong and also keeps people from being fully committed to just one person.
ogether or married. to me living together is still wrong and also keeps people from being fully committed to just one person.@sether (38)
• Philippines
3 Aug 12
Thanks for your comment Hatley. I know your point and I don't know if she ever considers the legal wife's feeling regarding the matter. I think what matters to her is her love for the guy even if she gets hurt as long as she don't have to worry about her love life. Unfortunately, what's happening now is different to what she expects.
@velentina (891)
• Mauritius
20 Jul 12
Sometimes we make the wrong choice which we regret later. This has happened to your friend. She is the other woman so she will have to bear all the caprices of his boyfriend. She must imagine that this boyfriend is already tied to someone else and that he will never become hers. So it is better to look for a sincere single friend elsewhere. I am sure God has reserved someone for her who will respect her feelings and love.
@jobfindonline (1744)
•
20 Jul 12
What a sad love story
It's really sad if someone chose to be sorry to say this fool when it comes to love. It is so obvious that everything started as wrong. It is wrong to love a man who is already committed.
If the man is giving here heartaches now and getting mad for every little things she did what more if they became together as husband and wife, if ever that would be legalized. But you didn't mention if the guy is willing to marry her or let me guess the guy only want her to be the other woman forever. Then what hope is left for your friend? She needs to wake herself up and should love herself more before she totally ruins her life.
If you already did your part, let her choose her own path. Everyone of us is responsible for our own acts.. I hope your friend could have the courage to leave the guy and start a new life again.
It's really sad if someone chose to be sorry to say this fool when it comes to love. It is so obvious that everything started as wrong. It is wrong to love a man who is already committed.
If the man is giving here heartaches now and getting mad for every little things she did what more if they became together as husband and wife, if ever that would be legalized. But you didn't mention if the guy is willing to marry her or let me guess the guy only want her to be the other woman forever. Then what hope is left for your friend? She needs to wake herself up and should love herself more before she totally ruins her life.
If you already did your part, let her choose her own path. Everyone of us is responsible for our own acts.. I hope your friend could have the courage to leave the guy and start a new life again. 1 person likes this
@sether (38)
• Philippines
21 Jul 12
Yeah it's really a sad story. I don't think the man will leave his family. It is still his priority because he started his business with his family on mind. And this martyr friend of mine, always tells me that she'll leave the man if she sees that the business is going stable. But I don't know when will be the time because just months ago, she told me that her BF getting mad at her because they lack funds to pay the tax. Some sort of client problem that ordered goods but hasn't paid yet. I even told her why is she to blame, it is not her fault that the client didn't pay and there should be company funds to pay for the tax! She never asked too much from her BF, so probably company funds are spent for his own family expenditures.
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