Spare the rod and spoil the child...

I was spanked during my childhood and now that I am a mother, I will admit that there are also times that I have had to spank my children. This is not something that I make a habit of doing every time that my children do something that they know that they should not be doing. For me, I choose to only spank my children when they have done something that they know is wrong and the infraction that they've committed is something that could cause harm to themselves or others.

I grew up getting my a$$ kicked whenever, let's say, I would talk back to my parents. But after the punishment they explained to me why I have to be spanked and why I shouldn't grow up talking back to my elders. I would like to think that I turn out ok because of that. The problem that I see with rewarding a kid for every good behavior is that it can back fire. Incentives get various reactions from different people and it is always subject to loop holes. For example, you give your kid some extra gaming time if he cleans up his room (considering the law against laying a hand on your kid is in effect in this example). Now, if he didn't clean his room, there will be no extra gaming time for him. In the eyes of a kid, he can be lazy and suffer the consequence of not having that extra hour with video games. That in itself is such a small price to pay than the trouble of cleaning his room. Kids are quite smarter now in evading chores, so your kid ends up not cleaning his room altogether and will still defy you by playing an extra hour.

I was spanked during my childhood but before I get into that let me just say this... Sometimes, even before I was born the tactic was to make the child CHOOSE his own 'switch' (which is a tree limb that is sturdy enough to be used to whip the child) this was a good way for the child to realize if they continued with that behavior they would be punished, and they'd have to pick the switch.. so usually one or two times of this, they'd stop. Now some they wouldn't and it'd become abuse and not a lesson learned in the eyes of the child. I think that spanking can cause a good deal of tramautic experience unless it's done right. I dont' condone it anymore myself, but that doesn't mean I might not resort to it as a last means to disclipine a child. I don't have children of my own yet. My niece and nephew are left over here a lot and to my partial care, and when that happens I am usually the one to disclipine them when they are bad. My way of doing this is to talk to them about what they did and why it's wrong and then put them in time out. Sometimes I wait until they are out of time out and ask them why they were in time out, they say they don't know.. So this is why I usually tell them what they did is wrong and why and what they could do instead (I try to do the latter but sometimes can't think of examples right then and there).

I think as a last result, for a child who has been repeatedly punished for the same behavior with other methods, then a spanking might be suitable to do. For me personally, I believe hitting any child with an object, other than a swat with your hand on the backside is child abuse. Plain and simple. The analogy I use is: As an adult would you go to work, or visit your parents or grandparents, or go to the bank even you do something wrong or unpleasing to society or your job. Should they go get a belt, spoon or switch and give you a few lashings so you never do it again. Of course not you would sue for assault. It is assault against a child as well.

I have been spanked by my mother when I was a kid, but only a few times because I was never a very naughty and hard headed one, anyway. I also didn't like playing a lot outside like my brother did. But I could never remember my father hurting me physically. So, I could never accept anyone especially a guy laying a hand on me. Now that Im a parent, I could not deny that I have not spared the rod on my toddler. But, I feel bad about it, because I know I could have done better disciplining than spanking. I also don't think its effective on my toddler. She would just ignore the spanking and won't stop what she's doing and it would just make me more frustrated.