cultural differences of parents in the subject of child discipline...

You know, I have the same dilemma as yours. I also have a 4 year old daughter and recently her baby sister joined the family. I think that made her hungry for more attention, because she used to have it all, and now, she's got to share it with someone else. She would do nasty things to catch our attention. Sometimes, when she gets me really mad, I can't help but throw a couple spanking on her behind. And, sometimes I could yell at her for being so hard headed. But, later on, I would feel bad about what I just did to her, and I would talk to her to apologize and make her understand why I did just that. I really hope I could get to control myself from hurting her physically. I would prefer not to have done that.

sometimes hitting a child or physical way as you describe is not good. Kids react to it in different ways. Some kids will be stubborn and try to be more naughty while some might learn a lesson. But when they grow up they still remember it. I think you must verbally tell her and try out something that she will not be jealous that you give more attention to the younger one. They must try to play with each other. Observe what she likes and what makes her happy when she is okay with the younger one. So you can manage both of them properly. I have no kids as yet but I think that physical method of disciplining a child is not good at all. have a good day parenting. I hope I had made some sense.

Ehhh... well, why haven't you considered separating them? If your four year old is rough and cannot be decent and kind to your baby, then they do not need to play together. This is just my two cents. It's much easier to keep the kids doing two different things if all they are going to do is be rough or fight. I know some people seem to want to force all their children to play together but I don't see it that way. If there are big age differences or different personalities (like one is very physical and rough and tumble and loud, and one is very hands-off and quiet and shy), it may be a better solution to steer both kids towards different hobbies and interests rather than doing things together. Of course if your daughter is just smacking the baby or purposely being mean, she DOES need to understand you don't treat other people that way AND she could really hurt the baby if she continues. Assure her that she WILL get attention but that is NOT the way to do it. Redirect her, put her in time out, distract her. Physical punishment in my opinion is a last resort or something to use in the event of an emergency where a child could get hurt or killed if you don't physically stop them, or if they are constantly doing what you told them not to and nothing you've tried over time has worked. I do think people should try all other forms FIRST, because hitting really is not a longterm solution.

I think you should follow your own culture. I don't see anything wrong with being disciplined physically so long as you are not so rough with them that it becomes abuse. Spanking a child doesn't do them any harm, and clearly you shouting or telling your daughter off is having no effect and she even seems defiant about it. A simple smack on the hand or legs wont kill her. I was smacked as a child but remember it being a last resort, not something my parents did for every small offence. Balance is the key.