Fear of rejection on love
By enelym001
@enelym001 (8322)
Philippines
July 29, 2012 5:37am CST
I suddenly remembered this discussion I posted 7 months ago. http://www.mylot.com/w/discussions/2590073.aspx -- this is about someone not having guts to say I love you to someone he loves.
I guess I have proven myself now that I also have no guts to tell my feelings to someone I like or love. I am a girl. And I suppose to wait. But sometimes when we start to like someone, we just can't wait especially if the guy cannot find his words and also fear being rejected.
A friend has been pushing me to open up my feelings to someone who obviously likes me, he could not say it to me instead he just expresses his feelings. But There's something I learned about him from someone, and that made me decide to let go and forget about my feelings and foolishness. I fear rejection too. And I think I would just keep this a secret rather than being rejected. Still, a friend keeps encouraging me to ask something indirectly so that I won't be left wondering. I just couldn't find the courage to do it.
I only wish he'd stop communicating with me. And for him to stop praising and treating me special.
Times like these, I wish there's other guys I can spend time with so I would be able to shift my attention on someone else and completely forget about him.
Times like these, I wish there's other guys I can spend time with so I would be able to shift my attention on someone else and completely forget about him.3 people like this
8 responses
@mythociate (21432)
• Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
30 Jul 12
I know how you feel.
With the girl that I like, I'm afraid that 'telling her I want to be more-than-friends' will totally expose all my friendly behavior toward her as "just trying to get somethin` started." (It's not-necessarily that, but ... if we become 'a couple,' I'm pretty-sure my part of it'll flow from that friendly behavior 
.)
I don't want to stop 'helping her' (looking for her dog, lending her some DVDs), but I don't wanna be so forward about it that she gets 'scared' that I'm getting 'too serious.'
.)
I don't want to stop 'helping her' (looking for her dog, lending her some DVDs), but I don't wanna be so forward about it that she gets 'scared' that I'm getting 'too serious.'
@mythociate (21432)
• Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
2 Aug 12
I'm almost afraid to 'do the actions' though, because sometimes girls' actions with me are really just RE-actions to my actions ... which I might misread as 'requiting my love' when it's really just 'not complaining.'
That happened once long ago: I was starting to 'crush' on a girl I met at a local church-group (sort of like 'falling in love,' but before you know if she's in with you 
). I'd go up to her and hug her, it felt like she hugged me back, so I whispered a few 'sweet nothings' in her ear (somethin like "Oh, to be in your embrace forever ... )
Then one day I passed her a note that said it would be cool for her to ask me to marry her, and got in bad trouble for being such a mortal (when she 'reported me to the church-leaders.')
). I'd go up to her and hug her, it felt like she hugged me back, so I whispered a few 'sweet nothings' in her ear (somethin like "Oh, to be in your embrace forever ... )
Then one day I passed her a note that said it would be cool for her to ask me to marry her, and got in bad trouble for being such a mortal (when she 'reported me to the church-leaders.')@enelym001 (8322)
• Philippines
31 Jul 12
Hi mythociate,
But what if the girl likes you too? Don't you think it's unfair that you won't tell her your feelings when she actually wanted to hear the truth from you? That's something I don;t understand with guys, when they gets scared to be rejected. If I am a guy I think I wouldn't have this fear...
@enelym001 (8322)
• Philippines
1 Aug 12
Yes I guess you'd have to tell your godfather's story to her. Maybe she'll get a hint or something. I guess a guy would know if a girl has the same feelings for her through her actions and words. It's just that some guys really can't find the words and ends up both of them feeling awkward with each other. But in your case, I think you're doing well.. since both of you I guess are very much comfortable with each other as good friends.
@albto_568 (1268)
• Costa Rica
10 Aug 12
Hehehe, I remember this discussion, I had the honor to answer you first, that time. 
and, I still think the same, the worst part is to see the chance pass by, I must say, that I don´t see any straight man, rejecting you, that´s far from my understanding, but, if you are still afraid, and I tell you because it has worked for me, find a mutual friend, you can rely on, to be introduced in a more casual way, and see what happens. Fear is natural, but is not wise to allow it keep us from give the next step. But I am sure, that you have solve this problem already, and, someone, smart enough to notice you, has already come to you. My best wishes.
and, I still think the same, the worst part is to see the chance pass by, I must say, that I don´t see any straight man, rejecting you, that´s far from my understanding, but, if you are still afraid, and I tell you because it has worked for me, find a mutual friend, you can rely on, to be introduced in a more casual way, and see what happens. Fear is natural, but is not wise to allow it keep us from give the next step. But I am sure, that you have solve this problem already, and, someone, smart enough to notice you, has already come to you. My best wishes. @enelym001 (8322)
• Philippines
11 Aug 12
Hi albto
Glad you remembered it
And I gave you the best response too, remember?
I really cannot do it. So I just let it pass by and allowed time to see whether I made the right decision not to tell my feelings towards a guy. I've also re-assesses what my true feelings is to this guy. Then I found out that bhabycatch, the first commenter on this discussion, is right. I realized maybe it's just about friendship and just don't want to lose the friendship we have but I really have to otherwise someone's heart will be broken.
But I am so glad that now I finally am comfortable and already know what real feelings for him is... I like him as a friend only. I'm glad I didn't tell him that I like him more than friends. =)
Glad you remembered it
And I gave you the best response too, remember?
I really cannot do it. So I just let it pass by and allowed time to see whether I made the right decision not to tell my feelings towards a guy. I've also re-assesses what my true feelings is to this guy. Then I found out that bhabycatch, the first commenter on this discussion, is right. I realized maybe it's just about friendship and just don't want to lose the friendship we have but I really have to otherwise someone's heart will be broken.
But I am so glad that now I finally am comfortable and already know what real feelings for him is... I like him as a friend only. I'm glad I didn't tell him that I like him more than friends. =)
@jaiho2009 (39141)
• Philippines
29 Jul 12
en
I understand about your doubts.
Don't entertain much your feelings if you have doubts towards this guy.
Don't make him stop giving you importance as well- just let him do the usual treatment that he is showing and giving towards you.
Time will tell if your feeling will stays the same and he will keep doing the same thing.
Maybe just try to keep a distant and treat him cold...and observe.
Try to divert your attention to other guy (if there are other guys around) to observe your feelings as well.
But never try to disclose your feelings or never try to give the guy any hint that you have special feelings towards him- that would make him think you are easy to get and will give confident to court you.
Take care and take extra care with your heart 
I understand about your doubts.
Don't entertain much your feelings if you have doubts towards this guy.
Don't make him stop giving you importance as well- just let him do the usual treatment that he is showing and giving towards you.
Time will tell if your feeling will stays the same and he will keep doing the same thing.
Maybe just try to keep a distant and treat him cold...and observe.
Try to divert your attention to other guy (if there are other guys around) to observe your feelings as well.
But never try to disclose your feelings or never try to give the guy any hint that you have special feelings towards him- that would make him think you are easy to get and will give confident to court you.
Take care and take extra care with your heart @enelym001 (8322)
• Philippines
29 Jul 12
Hi jai
If he continues to treat me nice I guess I wouldn't be able to let go of this feelings. That's why I really wish and I am glad I feel it has been lessened. I don't wanna get used to his presence. Although there were some guys - they're so far and I don't feel something about them. I really hope there's other guys that would cheer me up at least and take my mind off this guy.
I will take your advise jai. I will never disclose my feelings for him, although I admit I tried a bit to show my concerns towards him - I still feel I have not completely made him feel that I really like him too.
Thanks and I will take care of my heart
If he continues to treat me nice I guess I wouldn't be able to let go of this feelings. That's why I really wish and I am glad I feel it has been lessened. I don't wanna get used to his presence. Although there were some guys - they're so far and I don't feel something about them. I really hope there's other guys that would cheer me up at least and take my mind off this guy.
I will take your advise jai. I will never disclose my feelings for him, although I admit I tried a bit to show my concerns towards him - I still feel I have not completely made him feel that I really like him too.
Thanks and I will take care of my heart
@sjvg1976 (41281)
• Delhi, India
29 Jul 12
Hello enelym,
I feel sad to know it that you like a guy but still you can't express your feelings to him.But if you have come to know something about this guy then its better not to express it as it will hurt you a lot once he will reject you.
I have seen people going in depression once their proposal is declined by the people whom they love.
to know it that you like a guy but still you can't express your feelings to him.But if you have come to know something about this guy then its better not to express it as it will hurt you a lot once he will reject you.I have seen people going in depression once their proposal is declined by the people whom they love.@enelym001 (8322)
• Philippines
29 Jul 12
Hi sjvg,
That is true and that is why I would rather keep what I'm feeling rather than get hurt. Revealing my feelings may either bring a positive response or a negative response. But I would not want to compromise myself and get hurt if the answer's negative.
@enelym001 (8322)
• Philippines
30 Jul 12
Hi josephP,
I agree with you but we normally hope for a certain response that we wish to hear. Even though we tell ourselves that we will accept whatever response we want to hear, still, we'll be hurt if the response is negative.
1 person likes this
@vidhyaprakash_2 (7116)
• India
29 Jul 12
Hi friend, if you are in real love, it is hard to forget, if you are in crush or infatuation, you can forget about him easily and move with other persons. Don't fear about the rejection and express your real feeling to your beloved person. All the best
@enelym001 (8322)
• Philippines
29 Jul 12
Hi vidhyaprakash,
I don't really know if this is real love or just infatuation. I guess he is just special. There is nothing going on between us. So I guess I can move on and forget him easily.
@chiyosan (30184)
• Philippines
29 Jul 12
so sorry to hear about the situation. I think if you really like this peraon and you knowhe does like you and is just not saying it... I think you can ive him signs and send him signals that you are also interested. I think it is a given that men are afraid of rejection. Of. Course they are because they can never have their pride wounded by us girls telling them we are not interested. Mos men would rather just be sure... I guess. before they have their fewlings known.
Sometimes i think all men need is a little encouragement and they will do the move if they can.
@enelym001 (8322)
• Philippines
29 Jul 12
Hi chiyosan,
Unfortunately I guess I've pushed him away because I never took his signs seriously. I don't wanna be obvious to him that's why I took his signals as a joke. And then he made a sudden change of plan which broke my heart. Well I guess the first commenter, bhaby is right, that what I feel towards him is maybe just friendship. I know that there were guys who acts like 'dork' excuse the word. But I guess it is also unfair that they just don't say what they want.
@bhabycatch013 (9150)
• Philippines
29 Jul 12
hi en,
I understand your feelings telling what you feel for someone will takes lot of guts at no wants to be rejected it's either you tell him now or you will regret it later but of course as a girl we always wanted to be the reserved one.
If this man really likes you he should tell you wholeheartedly what he really feels
But how sure you like him too? What if your feelings towards him is not love after all girls sometimes fall because guys let them feel how special they are but at the end it's just all about friendship
Love is always a two way street it's all about taking risk just make sure he is worth it for your risk
happy mylotting
@enelym001 (8322)
• Philippines
29 Jul 12
Hi bhaby,
Right, and I am still and always will be the reserved type. Reason why I could not really do what a good friend has been suggesting for. I cannot stand being rejected by a guy. I feel it is better left unsaid. Coz I know I will be able to forget the feelings.
You got me into thinking. You're probably right, maybe I just like the special treatment and this isn't love or me, liking him too. Maybe I just like the friendship and without him I feel like I'd be alone again. I have to really assess what I feel.
Thanks for making me think and re-examine what I feel, bhaby
