Uninvited to Christmas Dinner? Are you kidding me?

That sucks. I know this is wrong but they cuold just never see S again and forget about paying her back. After all she sounds like a total cow that doesn't deserve your family. There must be some way to get your children back for good. How can they stay with a person like that unless they are being manipulated themselves. Chances are she has tricked them somehow. Maybe you can keep inviting your kids over for lunch or dinner so you spend more time with them and maybe they will come around and see she is a fake!

The money part should not even be an issue. Good lord if I held it against family members for money they owed....oh never mind I couldn't. My brothers owe me hundreds and I have a nephew that owes me quite a bit...I wrote it off years ago because I KNOW they don't have it. I'm just glad I was able to help at a time that they needed it. My relationship with them means more than any amount of money.

Sid my mother is the same when it comes to money when she has loaned it to someone but it sounds to me that this "S" person would be manipulating her children and could be using all the money owed as a way of making them stay. People will do that

Ok so I read above and honestly...still very confused. I'm trying to be open-minded and give you an honest answer here. I'm not sure I really understand the entire situation for what it is. It sounds to me to be about money. You owe her a lot of money? Your kids owe her money?? Is she angry about that? Regardless, it's kind of sad. You may not be her "blood" but you are the closest thing to your mom that she has left. I'd think that her relationship with you would mean everything to her...it should. Throwing you out while you were pregnant?? she sounds like a domineering btch.

re-read that and am getting an image of this woman who uses her money and material things to gain power. they could only come to see you for 2 hours because they borrowed her vehicle to get there?? add vindictive to the list.

See the above response for some of the info you requested.^^ But as to how we got along all those years. She was very negative, very critical and it is her fault that I never got to go to Veterinary School. When I was in Gr.11 and deciding my future, I wanted to apply there, and was planning all my courses to go to Gr.13, so I would be eligible for University and have all the necessary prerequisites for the courses. My Mom was very influenced by "S" by this time, and everything was discussed between them and "S" always prevailed. My Mom told me that they were very sorry, but that they could not afford to send me, as it was very costly and would last for approximately 7 yrs. She said to pick something else, something simple and cheap that only lasted 2 yrs. College, not university. I was an honour student (75%+ average), and all my courses were at the University level. There was nothing at the College level that I was interested in, that wouldn't end up boring me in the end, so I said I wouldn't bother wasting their money and dropped out of school, got a job and moved out at 16. We ("S") never actually came face to face in an major argument, because I respected my mother and I would discuss any problems with her (at her request to keep the peace), and she would deal with it. But, over the years, I think that "S" has resented and hated me for a very long time, and was so glad to be free to "Get me out of her life" after my Mom was no longer around to object. Yes, there is much more to this story. For instance, when I was working as a receptionist, got pregnant at 18, and was planning a wedding, I backed out because I discovered some disturbing things about my fiancee, and they fired me, because they didn't want an unmarried pregnant girl at the front desk. So, with no steady job, only Unemployment, pregnant, and nobody would hire me because of it, I had no choice but to move in with Mom temporarily. Well, "S" made it quite clear that as she was an artist (waitress, actually that paid her bills), that she could not tolerate a crying baby and that I HAD to move out BEFORE the baby was born. So, I was in labour while unpacking my things at a new apt, I was forced to rent shared with another pregnant lady. She is a childless (by choice) british-raised, scottish-born, resentful, negative person that sees abuse even when there isn't any. She is a pessimist, a know it all and too quick to judge based on minimal information. She had my mother convinced that even she was abused when she was raised, yet her siblings AND her best friend who was raised in the same house disagree totally. She brainwashed my mother apparently.

Apparently she has never liked me since I was 13 yrs old when she met my mother. She has never accepted who I am, always tried to change me. I am loud and kind of bossy, I guess, as I am a Leo. lol. I put a bit of distance between us for the most part, due to not wanting to argue with her over several things (to keep the peace). I know I am not the easiest person to live with. I've grown up and matured (almost 50 now), but I think she must still see me as that pain in the butt kid. My Mom was the submissive type and "S" was the dominant one in the relationship. My Mom tried to visit as much as she could (not often) but it was very rare if I ever got to spend ANY time with her alone. Yes, I did invite the girls and "S" to my house that year (2009) for supper. "S" declined, but the girls borrowed "S"'s vehicle and were only here for 2 hrs, eat and run kinda, which was disappointing. The following year, 2010, the oldest and I got into an argument on xmas day, because I discovered she had deleted me as her 'mother' and off her friends list on FB and I was shocked and asked why. She was at "S"'s house and I am sure she significantly contributed to the problems. None of them ended up coming for dinner, after I had a huge meal, desserts and presents all laid out for them all. Because, again, they were going to borrow "S"'s vehicle to come here and since the single younger one would have been the only one coming, it was cancelled. The oldest and I are still not speaking as a result. Her choice. She took her lead from "S" obviously. Terrible example. You don't just delete family.

No, my kids aren't living with "S". She would never do that....OMG! I don't know if she is/was jealous, but I do know that she predicted that I would not make it in my 2nd choice profession that I have been working at for the past 16 yrs. When we bought this place, she told my best friend that I wouldn't make it. Well, I proved her wrong. WE ARE. Despite all odds!

I can imagine how awful it must be not to see your grandchildren. I know a little about the old maid worries too. My sister married at 41 and yesterday announced that she is getting divorced at 52. She will be fine financially etc, but will she live out her days alone...... who knows and what has it to do with me anyway! LOL.

What gets me is that "S" had manipulated my sweet, sweet youngest so badly, that she had her convinced that it was my fault that she had not yet had a serious relationship. That was in July 2009. Yet, when we talked a few months ago, and I asked her if she still felt that way, she said she didn't even remember saying such a thing, and that she DID NOT feel that it was my fault at all. That is how twisted "S" has gotten them at times. They spew out HER words, rather than their own. When she was in University, as everyone does, she took PSYCH 101 and now she feels that gives her license to analyze everyone and she purports to have University education in that area to back her mistaken assumptions and gossip up. But it did give her enough of an education that she can pass herself off as an expert to many that are not University educated, or that are easily intimidated or swayed by her B.S. claims of so much knowledge.

Thank you SWEETIE, your support is much appreciated. It has taken me this long just to be able to talk about it much at all. Of course, you KNOW I immediately called sparks and bawled my eyes out to her, long distance. GAWD I wished she lived closer at times like that, so she could just HUG the hurt away. You are also welcome here ANYTIME, you have a standing invitation if you ever make a trip to Canada, I will put out the red carpet for you and yours. The youngest and I still talk, and she comes for the odd visit, but this is the time when she is still asserting her independence, so that is normal. My biggest concern is that she isn't influenced by "S" too much. I fear for her. At 25, and she has had no serious relationship, in fact, only 1 boyfriend in high school and only briefly. I worry she will be an old maid. But I have never mentioned it, to not pressure her in any way and tell her I love her EVERY TIME we speak, so she is finally coming back around. The oldest, has always been a thorn in my side, and she has been turned by "S" unfortunately. She gives her negative reinforcement, so they can have each other. I am just upset that I haven't seen the twins (my 9 yr old Granddaughters) for 2 yrs now. Other than a fleeting hug and a kiss I gave them at my cousin's big Thanksgiving dinner/50'th wedding anniversary party in October 2011.

I have since found out that since she was with my mother since I was 13 and I am now 48, she just doesn't like me, never has, and covered it fairly well, at least to the public or the rest of the family. Until now. Now that my mother is gone, there is no 'buffer' and she just doesn't know how to deal with me in a positive fashion. She only thinks negative things about me. I did try to have my children here for xmas dinner, but they borrowed her van, and drove out here for a quick, 2 hr, eat and run exchange of gifts and went right back to her house for a week long visit. She is very judgmental, strangely so, for a gay woman. But she also seems to have a chip on her shoulder and takes offense where there is none, too. It seems like women's lib on steroids to me.

Some are just jelous and weird. It may be that you remind her of your mother. Or it may be that she is just jealous of you for some reason. Sometimes people just don't care for others for some reason. Too bad things go like this in family and not much you can do.

That must truly be horrible to have to deal with such a nasty person trying to break apart your family like that. I am glad that you have your youngest on your side though still. How people can possibly gain happiness from making others miserable is beyond me!

Yes, it has been extremely stressful and emotional for me. Losing my mother to cancer in July 2009, then my dear Gramma passed at 92 yrs old in April 2010, being rejected by "S" in Dec 2009, and then my oldest shunning me at xmas 2010 due to her watching the incorrect example of "S", I'm sure. Yes, exactly, how can someone derive joy from causing another's misery?

That is exactly how I felt, Gabs....like she is breaking up MY FAMILY. Not her blood, yet we included HER in our family all of these years and now she is sabotaging it that my mother is gone. I felt the need to have my family closer after my mother, and then my Grandmother's passing within a short time of each other....not more distance. Yet she goes and does this. What a horrible thing to do! I mean, no matter if you don't really 'like' someone in your family very much, if they are 'family' you can surely manage to put on a brave face and put up with them for a few hours at a family dinner, right? I know I could, even though I didn't always agree with everything she has done or said my whole life.

Oh, I haven't bothered with her at all, but she is bothering the rest of my family and continuing to cause upheavals. She is trying to turn my 2 children against me. She has since succeeded with my oldest, whom has my twin granddaughters, so I am no longer able to see them for visits. She is following the lead of "S" unfortunately.

Yes, after this long, they consider her to be a "Gramma", too, and since their real Gramma, my mother has passed away, I have done nothing to prevent them from visiting or seeing her. So, for her to do this, have xmas dinner with my children and purposely EXCLUDE ME and my husband, is just unforgivable, selfish and cruel! I mean, no matter if you don't really like someone that much, you can still manage to put up with them for a few hours on one special happy day of the year, so that EVERYONE ELSE is not affected by your feelings.