Messy Messy!

Habits are behaviors carried from previous experiences that have been done or performed at a constant basis which in turn practiced constantly even without realizing until it is eventually given thought to. Like how different kinds of routines for every individual would get programmed in them due to the surrounding factors that have made them habituate in that kind of manner. In order for certain kinds of habits to be changed, another set of surrounding factors should be implemented in order for the person to alter their behaviors which, like the previous behavior which is needed to be changed, should also be constantly implemented. Of course, we are not mere animals that could be trained in such a way. We ironically have free will to choose how we would perform the things that we do. For your partner to continue to do the things that annoy you, as you have shared in this discussion that you started, is quite unfair. You constantly remind him of what he needs to do and still disappoints you. Being neat and tidy doesn't necessarily change his whole personality. It merely improves his character to say the least. Yet to be told countless times where to put things and have even made special places for all of this things so he could put them back in those places and know where to find them when he needs them and still manages to put everything in the wrong position? He should not excuse himself with the 'force of habit' line for if he really wants to improve, he simply goes right away and do it. No more excuses. If ever I was in a situation wherein someone is so disorganized and I happen to share the same place, I would constantly remind that person to be organized. Being reminded again and again would definitely be annoying so, I am merely reacting to what the person's behavior is doing to me. If that person doesn't want to be annoyed with me constantly reminding how to properly do things, that person simply goes along to eventually end the annoyance or there is a chance that the person would just continue to be annoying by continuing to be disorganized. If that were the case, I guess nothing would change. That person might as well have a room where this disorganized as much as possible.

I think that my husband is almost like your husband. I usually get irritated when I found the house in total disaster when I arrived. I got mad a couple of times and good thing that he somehow realized his bad manners. What I am worry about is that he sometimes do something and would focus on another thing. He almost put our house on fire when he tried to boil water and leave and it happened twice. So I had to put a note on the wall of our kitchen reminding him not to leave when he is cooking something. But what he did is he put a chair in front of the stove and sleep. I got angry once when he left an opened chocolate on top of our bed and ants are all over. I put a hanger on our bathroom and told him to hang his underwear after taking a bath rather than leave them everywhere he likes. I know that I cannot just change those behavior in an instant so I am giving him time. There was a time that he was not able to come home for almost 3 days. During those time, I would usually arrive at home and would see that everything is in order and nothing has changed BUT I AM NOT HAPPY. In fact, I felt deep sadness without him around. So every evening when I arrive, I would just clean the mess without talking. Everytime I do that, he would hug and say sorry and would help me clean them.

it's embarrassing to say, but i am a messy person. very disorganized which leads to irritation. however i dont rely on other people to clean up after me. i clean my own mess. i dont let anybody else touch my office.

Even my husband's habits are similar to your husbands. He will come back from work or outside, take his clothes off and puts on the table in the living room. Trust me he will never put in proper place. I have to do it all the time. After having bath he puts the wet towel on the bed or sofa. I hate that. But one thing he doesn't want dust in the house. When I start to general clean the house, then he comes and helps me. He will shout , yell but he will make the house sparkling clean..lol have a wonderful day.

Your partner should rent from my landlord who shares my rental with me. He does not even allow spots of water on the kitchen counter. I am so happy he is gone away now that I feel so much freer and I don't mind saying so. Why not become a supervisor like my landlord ? You might lose the partner but a neat house is a fine thing.