Mother told me to forgive my brother -- but I don't have to...
By jureathome
@jureathome (5361)
Philippines
August 2, 2012 5:54am CST
This afternoon I received a text message from my mother, asking me how my brother is. Oh well, I haven't really been talking to him nor have I seen him since start of the year. He is living away and on his own, and I think that was a better thing for him so he could learn to stand on this own, especially that he's getting older. He can't keep relying on my mother for his needs.
Then mother told me to forgive him. And, that if I was able to forgive my father who has even done worse to us, by having an affair with another woman and left us, I should be able to forgive my brother, too.
I replied to her saying I don't have to forgive him, because I am not mad at him and he has not done me wrong. If there was someone he hurt so much, it's her. He has been a bad son to my mother. And, I just felt for her, that is why I wanted him out of the house so he could not cause any more trouble.
I don't have to forgive him, nor am I mad at him, but I wouldn't want to go after him, either. Now, that he has learned to live on his own, we should just let him be.
I hope ignoring him is really helping him be strong in life, and that he would appreciate the results in the future.
1 person likes this
7 responses
@thanks1961 (7035)
• India
3 Aug 12
Here, the words you written itself shows that you are still loving him and he want to become good in his life. Even mother told you to forgive to him for his bad deeds and even your other also got bitter experiences from him as a son. This is relationship. Evan the worst done by the children, a genuine mother can't discriminate him/her, hoping that tomorrow he/she will be alright or there will be a better days ahead of them.
All are not alike, and he may be out of your control and in many people's life, as there is no clear or dedicated order in the life, there won't be much control each other. As your father left the family, your borther also is watchful about what was happening in your home and as being a small child, he must have got so much of bad/bitter experiences from his father. All such cruel experiences must have made him to hate all and move to bad habits or left out from home.
Anyway, think good and you may get some time to think about him and I still have a feeling that your inner mind loves him, as his is your brother. Imagin, he at the age of 5 and you at the age of 3, how much you both must have loved each other...
1 person likes this
@thanks1961 (7035)
• India
7 Aug 12
It is obvious that some children would follow the path of their parents, may be it is good or bad as they can't discrimiated on what is good or what is bad and they finally shape to a duplicate to the parents.
Here in my case, it was totally different. Eversince my childhood, I had seen that my dad used to drink (though he was a loving, caring and a really a nice person), his only drinking habit didn't liked by myself. But as I was truely aware the problems with the drinking habit, from the very childhood itself, I took a decision that I never go for any kind of alcahol. So that I prefer to keep away from drinking, smoking and such non preferable things.
Here we can hope that your brother will identify his bad things on one day and he will be a nice guy on a day!
@jureathome (5361)
• Philippines
7 Aug 12
I guess right now, all I can do is continue praying for God to guide and protect him, whereve he may be. He is the only one who knows what's best for my brother. And, for my mother to be strong enough to hold on.
@jureathome (5361)
• Philippines
6 Aug 12
My mother does think that my brother's attitude was caused by what my father did. Perhaps, there's a little truth to that, but it was more than 10 years ago, and he should have just moved on and made good with his life.
I do hope time will come that everything will be better between us. As the eldest, it makes me feel that I failed to be the big sister with all these happening to us.
@wogibook (75)
• Singapore
2 Aug 12
Showing love to your brother is the best way to resolve this. Do not ignore him, instead give him your sincere sister love for him. I believe he will feel it and will reciprocate positively.
I'm a believer and I learn that Jesus has never let go of us no matter how wrong we have done for He has redeemed all our sins past, present and future.
Show your brother the love, it's good to hear that you are not mad at him after what your brother has done :)
1 person likes this
@jureathome (5361)
• Philippines
2 Aug 12
I had him invited over to my baby's baptismal celebration last month, but he didn't come. I wanted to make him feel that he's still welcome to the family. However, Im also concerned that he might go back to being dependent once we open our doors again to him.
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
2 Aug 12
Perhaps hearing you say (or through text) that you forgive your brother would just make you mom happy. I think sons are really abusive with mothers and regardless what they do (sons) they would still be loved completely and unconditionally (by the mother).
My mom is the same. She loves my brother to bits and couldn't see the fact that he's a bad egg. Regardless if I'm right or wrong, she would never tolerate me being angry with my brother (who's good-for-nothing too). But well, mothers are mothers.
I guess it's good that your brother finally decided to find his own life and you're right, you don't need to start looking for him now. He should be able to spread his wings and forget (for now) to go back to your mom's wings. Let him be.
Have a great MylOt experience ahead!
@jureathome (5361)
• Philippines
3 Aug 12
I really hope Im right about what Im thinking, so I won't regret anything.
I think you're right about mothers to their sons. My mother always complains about my sister going out on weekends and spending her money. And, I told her, at once, that she should just let her be, because she's earning her money and deserves to enjoy it sometimes. Why she never complained that way about my brother, who goes in and out of the house, and always asks for money from her everytime he decides to go out. 
@allknowing (136414)
• India
3 Aug 12
What your mother perhaps means is that she holds nothing against your brother any more and expects you to do likewise. You may have shown some resentment in the past towards your brother and now your mother wants you to move on.
@jureathome (5361)
• Philippines
6 Aug 12
Perhaps, you're right. But, she doesn't have to force me to do it. I mean, I don't think I have to go looking for him at this time. He would come back if he needs us, anyway.
@ryanong (9665)
• Vietnam
3 Aug 12
Well, i understand your feeling because i used to have a fight with my brother. It is not easy to forget it be normal back when talking with him. Till now it is 5 years already but i still have a gap with him even though i do talk with him after 3 years when i lived abroad.
I don't hate him...but there is a small gap still there, it looks like a scar...can't remove it clearly because we fight when we was adults already.
In your case, just take it easy and don't be mad with your mom sms. i hope you can talk with your brother sometime, even though it is not closed as before but at least you guys can talk with each other. with the time, a gap between you guys will be smaller and smaller...
@jureathome (5361)
• Philippines
6 Aug 12
I do hope that day will come, when we can comfortably have a good conversation as brothers and sisters. I really just want a happy family life, free from all these issues and conflicts, but things just aren't running the way I want it, right now.
@jureathome (5361)
• Philippines
16 Aug 12
That's what I keep on praying to God for. I really do hope things will be better before we pass this world.
@lyndelle (1)
• Philippines
2 Aug 12
Hi. I had the same situation. I understand how you feel, I'm with you. I myself doesnt like it when my brother keep on depending on our mom. But I understand my mom too if he cannot push my brother away. He is her son. She keep on telling us that if it's us who got in the same situation, she'll do the same. You can teach him by not ignoring him, just a sisterly opinion. :)
1 person likes this
@jureathome (5361)
• Philippines
2 Aug 12
It took her 4 years to finally agree to let my brother out of the house. Because, this time, my grandmother, who owns the house has had enough of his attitude. She's old and she could get sick if my brother keeps on doing his stunts in the house.
Mothers will always have that tender heart for their children, no matter what their attitude are. They are the last person to fall out of love on their nastiest child.
@fantabulus (4000)
• India
22 Aug 12
We cant forget any family members parents, brother or sister. Even the son is bad but mother is always love him. Child may be bad but mother is not. Told your mother sorry I cant forget my brother. No helping him and no ignoring him but dont show it to your brother.
