How do you cope with kids and seperation as a single parent?

Prayers really a big help in making a decision just pray and you will find the answer. Good luck I know you can do it just be strong for your kids.

Hi lyn. I am so sorry you had to go through this. I know it is terrible to be in an abusive marriage. I know how it hurts. But what you say makes sense. But a part of me still fears that there might be serious consequences if I take things too far. My parents are very old and in my society, divorce, seperation and the like is still considered taboo. I will be either studying to get a job or will get a job soon so that I do not have to depend on him for money. But my kids do need him as a father and that is something I am not willing to take away from them. This leaves me in a bind because I do not know how things will be if I go back. Things will never be the same for me at least. It still hurts sometime, but I am giving myself time to decide. I am right now too confused and hope I would be able to take a decision with a clear mind.

@ devi, Exactly...no one has the right to hurt you

Hi. Sorry for delayed reply. I seriously don't know what to do. In our society, divorce, seperation and living alone is taboo. Moreover there are a lot of issues when a single woman raises her kids in our society. Whether the woman is divorced, seperated or widowed, the fault is always hers and she has to undergo a lot even years later. I am worried about my kids and their emotional well being. I still do not know which is worse, being in an abusive relationship(verbal) or being alone with the kids not having their father. Thank God, for the past two weeks there has been no such scenes. But I don't know how long it will be this peaceful. You mirror my thoughts in saying that no one has the right to hurt me, even if it is my partner. That is exactly how I feel and that is the only reason why I detest his actions. Thanks for your support and hope things work out good for me and my kids.

Think this way does society helps you every time you are verbal, emotionally or physically abuse? It's about time not to think about the society but yourself and your children I rather be hated by the society than living in a miserable and hell life with my partner it's not easy but eventually time will come everything will be fine. I will never forget when my Best friend told us in front of her parents this "IT'S CHANGING NOW" she belongs with the same society you have

I just wish everything will get sorted out aunty. I actually have not decided anything yet, but the situation I am in now is much different than it was earlier when there were misunderstandings between me and my husband as my daughter was very small. Now, she is grown up and there are a lot of things which she understands and does not understand. All said and done, she loves her dad too and I just hope for her sake, I get out of this mess pretty quick. I know it would take time to heal but I do want her to open up to me atleast. I really do not know what to do.

Well written jaiho! very clear .

I understand your situation dear. I know it's not easy to raise kids alone. I know you are under dilemma of raising your kids alone- or going back to him and stays in an abusive relationship. Look at this scenario and think about it...hundred times are you capable of raising your kids alone? is you answer YES... -THEN- Why do you need to go back to him? You said your daughter is showing odd behavior. Because in her mind, bad memories remain. What do you these experiences will lead her to? -having fear always? -having fear that if you go back to her father she will be seeing bad scenes again? Why not stand on your own if you can and assure your daughter that she will never ever experience any bad dreams anymore. your daughter needs assurance and security. On her tender age she already have fears in life- what do you think her life would be? On your son's part. He is still young, and I am sure he will understand all these things when he grow up. I know we are living in a different world- so much BIG DIFFERENCE. So, I am not sure how your society accept single parents or single mom. Maybe that is one reason why you are not sure of what you are doing. Unlike here in my country that single mom-single parents are being admired for raising their kids alone and fighting for their rights especially when it comes to abusive relationship. Here in my country, abusive husband (physical abuser) are condemned by the society and all sympathy always goes to the woman who fights for her right- which is just right thing to do.. If a woman stays in an abusive (physical) relationship- she's being looked down for her cowardness- for not fighting her right and her children's right to live a normal life... A child growing living in an abusive relationship- or witnessing an abusive relationship will grow with inferiority complex- fears and whatnot....NO -SELF CONFIDENCE. Think about it....think twice and decide... No matter how we want to help you.. in the end...still, it's your own decision that you will pursue...eventually.

It is same to a certain extent. But my husband used to abuse me physically too. That is why my daughter does not have a very good relationship with her dad. Even though he does not do that now, my daughter has memories of him hitting me when she was small. What you say is right. But right now I am very very confused and I am not in a position to decide anything. For the time being, I am living with my parents and he is calling me back. Frankly speaking, I do not want to close all options for my kids. I don't know how much I can take, but there are a lot of things I need to think through. The most important is my children's well being. How will they grow up without a father? Or how will they grow up looking at an abusive one? I am not able to decide which is worse. My son is very small, so he hardly knows anything. But my daughter is 5 years old and she understands a lot of things. Even though she plays, goes to school and does things normally, she keeps asking me when we will go back. Not if, but when. My heart sinks when I hear that. And she does not talk anything about what has happened and is very quiet when I try to talk to her about this. She hardly replies and giving some excuse, runs off. How do I react to this and how do I know what she wants?Oh, I wish things were much simpler and easier. What you told makes sense, but my biggest question is, is having a new life and freedom more important than my children's security and future? I know I will try my best to provide a good future for them, but will it be enough?

I know how it is because my parents kept fighting all the time and my mom was away due to work for seven years(got transferred). We were there with her for some years and here with dad for some years. I know it is very very difficult and it leaves scars which do not heal. I grew up with the fear that my parents would seperate or get divorced and even though that did not happen, we always had that fear in us. Here in my country/city, divorce is still taboo and a woman cannot live alone. And for a woman with children, it is hell on earth. But more than all that, I am worried about my daughter as she is 5 years old and knows what is happening around her and she does miss her dad. She does not talk much about the seperation at all. She knows that I will never leave her and I keep telling her that all the time. But I doubt how much she believes me.

She is not an introvert. She is a very active child and for the past few days she has been a little preoccupied. I do try to keep her active. But sometimes, I just wish she would open up and speak about what is troubling her. I try to talk to her but she does not talk much about it.