Did i made the wrong decision.?
By Charm12
@Charm12 (17)
Philippines
August 5, 2012 9:44am CST
I'm already married and i have a son.. my problem is that i think he's changing now.. he easily gets mad.. he never hurts me yes but I don't like it when he yells especially when i know its not my fault.. he's not like when he was still my boy friend.. i have known him since I was grade two.. i was like 9 years old that time and we got married last year i was 18 years old.. i thought i already know everything about him but i doubt it now.. do you think i made the wrong decision of accepting his proposal on the spot.?
Thanks..
6 responses
@bhabycatch013 (9150)
• Philippines
5 Aug 12
hi charm,
There is no point of regretting what you've did but as a couple you can always talk about it, separation will be the last option but think about your child.
Maybe something is bothering him I believe you can never know a person very well unless you are living under the same roof.
Try to talk about his behavior and what he dislikes about you so you can adjust
happy mylotting
@Charm12 (17)
• Philippines
5 Aug 12
we tried to talk things out already but i don't see any changes at all.. he's even saying things that really hurts me every time we quarrel.. but i know he loves me.. i can feel it.. i just don't like it when he is mad.. and im trying my best not to make him mad but still he gets mad.. XD
@chrystalia (1208)
• Tucson, Arizona
6 Aug 12
Even though you have known him so long, you never really know someone until you live together, as bhabycatch said. You feel he still loves you-- but what he DOES seems to be different from what he SAYS. This isn't what a good relationship is like. It isn't your place to try not to make him "mad"-- if you are not behaving any differently.If your behavior has changed, then you need to figure out what about you has changed, and how you feel about it. If you have changed to protect yourself from being hurt, then there is a problem. The time to do something about the problem is as soon as you notice it-- especially with a child involved. Do you really want your child to see mom as afraid, or see dad as mean?
Relationships are not easy, and you're very young. You are going to be growing and changing for years to come, and if your husband can't or won't understand, then you have to think carefully about what that means to you and your child. All of us here have been through situations that may be like yours, or may not. What is important, is all of us are willing to listen, and many people here can help you figure out what you need to do.
@Fulltank (2882)
• Philippines
6 Aug 12
I would say "Welcome to the real world!". You wouldn't know a person until your living in the same house. I'm more than 15 years married and still there are few new things that I've discover in my wife. If you think that your husband had change, well I think the other way around. I think that's what your husbands true attitude and I hope that he will change for the better. No, you don't make the wrong decision, simply because you think your husband had changed, but simply because you loved the person and by loving him, you are willing to accept all of him, including the bad ones.
@Jshean20 (14348)
• Canada
6 Aug 12
I've learned that people generally do change as time goes on, his heart probably hasn't changed but maybe how he talks or lives from day to day has changed. I wouldn't say you made the wrong decision, how were you to know that he would change like that? When he yells, do you think it's directed at you? I would say kindly walk away when he yells, yelling back never works trust me it just blows it out of proportion even more.
@ryanong (9665)
• Vietnam
6 Aug 12
Well, even we spend entire our life..we can't understand all about one person.
Someone is changed totally after getting married...just because you just saw in his good side and easily ignore his mistake when you was in love. In marriage life, you change also, and maybe you just see his bad side and not easily to ignore his faults more....
I think both you guys should have a talk together and find out the good way for both.
@savagecabbage (1216)
• Philippines
6 Aug 12
Hi charm :) I think this is something that the two of you should talk about. You should open up to him and tell him what you are feeling. Maybe he is just having a hard time in work that is why he acts that way. But honestly, in marriage, relationships do tend to change. My mother always says that when a man is courting you, he puts his best foot forward. And most of the time that will die down once the couple gets married. I strongly suggest that the both of you talk it out. Since your marriage is still fresh, I am sure the guy you met how many years ago is still somewhere there. Happy mylotting. and good luck!
@Raine38 (12391)
• United States
5 Aug 12
Hi Charm12, I know how you feel because I am also married. And if there is one thing that I've learned about marriage, is that it takes two to tango. You may not fully know or realize it, but your husband "changed" because chances are, you also changed. Maybe you became more submissive, or maybe you became more dependent or even nonchalant once you have a kid. I can never be too sure as I don't personally know you two but often times, we dictate how people treats us. They can only hurt us in as much as we allow them to.
I'm not saying this is your fault, no. But maybe, it is time for you and your husband to sit down and have a serious talk. Tell him how you feel, and encourage him to open up if he also have issues with you. I'm sure he does. But the important thing is, you both know and agree to what you will do for the benefit of not only your marriage but also for your son. For your family. Remember, it's not all about you or your husband now, you have a kid, you're a family. It's time that you all act as one.
@Charm12 (17)
• Philippines
6 Aug 12
maybe it's my fault too but i don't think something has changed in me.. i am like this even when im not yet his wife.. i always allow him to make the final decisions, i am dependent on him, i always want to be sweet.. nothing has changed.. we were doing great when he was still my bf.. i see him not only as my husband but a father and a brother too.. i thought he understands well my immaturity because of our age gaps.. im 18 and hes 24.. but now that he is my husband im not sure about it anymore.. it's like i married the wrong person.. not the man i loved.. :(
