Have you had to decide whether to separate from your partner?
By Dominique25
@Dominique25 (9464)
United States
August 6, 2012 1:07pm CST
Have you had to decide whether to separate from your partner/spouse for a time or to end the relationship. Right now so much is going on. My husband is trying to buy a business and move to a new area. So I've got to decide whether me and my daughter will be going with him now or later? The reason things are so complicated is because the move will be two hours away and my husband isn't the type to share, his money is his money. We both have a job here right now. I have been at my current job for over five years. And my mom lives in this area close to where I work.
He's already told me that he's not going to give me any money while we are living in the new area. And I don't know anyone in the area who I trust to watch my child while I try to find work. I don't think I should move that far away because it would be very depressing. I will not have any family to be able to visit, no money, and I will be stuck doing everything while my husband works and isn't willing to help out with anything.
My told me I should just stay in this area until he gets situated in the new area. She doesn't think I should move that far when he acts the way he does. He even said he wasn't going to give me any money in the new area (not that he gives me money now, but I will be out of a job if i were to move there) in front of my mom. He doesn't even like to give me money to buy groceries. His plan is to get this big loan for the business and he wants to pay it off in one year. He just isn't reasonable. Trying to pay off a loan the size of a house loan, is very unreasonable. It will be we will have no money for anything but bills. So he thinks that I will want to up and move away from here, leave my stable job, my family, and move to a new area where i know no one, with no money.
I think my daughter and I should stay here and save until I'm able to find work and be comfortable with my own finances. Since I have to depend on myself financially and be able to find someone to watch our daughter while I work. It is so frustrating.
3 people like this
10 responses
@celticeagle (171281)
• Boise, Idaho
6 Aug 12
A man who doesn't want to share his money and yet has a family isn't much of a man. I would stay in the area you are in and one you are established in already. Is he manic or what? He does sound unreasonable. I would leave him out of the equasion and make sure of your won finances. I would be taking him to court and make him responsible as he should have been all along. I bet you are frustrated and even alittle scared. There are agencies that can help a woman with a child and Child Support Inforcement can make him wish he had been alittle more giving when he had the chance. I would start fighting for what your child has coming. Child Support can make his dream of a business a fluke and then he will wish he had been a good guy.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (171281)
• Boise, Idaho
9 Aug 12
I am so sad hearing this. He should be happy to help you out. He sounds selfish and immature. Would make me wonder what his mother was like to let him grow up like this. Yes, so many men think they can slide by and not be responsible. Luckily our laws won't let them. But you have step up and make him by calling child support enforcement. I never got child support and am certainly glad my daughter does. Make him responsible! You will need those bucks for you and your daughter. He shouldn't be allowed to live on Easy street. It'll make him mad but so what. He's a weasel!
@Dominique25 (9464)
• United States
7 Aug 12
Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts with me. I appreciate it. It has been hard thinking about all of this. Especially with the thought that my husband isn't willing to help me out. It is sad that their are husband's out there like this. I will definitely keep those agencies in mind if I need to use them as a resource. I wish it was easier for me to be able to get work.
I'm sure though that if I stay in this area my mom is more than willing to watch my daughter if I need to get a full time job to support myself better. I agree that child support would definitely make him think he should have been a good guy. So many men think that they shouldn't have to pay child support. I'm glad though that the laws for this is tough because a woman shouldn't just be left with the responsibilities of caring for the children while the father goes off and spends money the way that he wants too.
@frontvisions101 (16043)
• Philippines
6 Aug 12
You never really know when a business will do good or not, unless you plan to sell paper clips.
Your husband is taking a big shot there. Whether he can pay the loan or not hugely depends on whether the business will do good or not. Business is about risks at first. Once you find what works, then you'll definitely do good in the future.
Your husband is taking a big shot there. Whether he can pay the loan or not hugely depends on whether the business will do good or not. Business is about risks at first. Once you find what works, then you'll definitely do good in the future.1 person likes this
@Dominique25 (9464)
• United States
30 Sep 12
@frontvisions I agree with you. Starting a business is a risk and it does take a lot of work and commitment. I don't know why people try starting a business thinking that it's going to be a piece of cake and it's just going to jump off real smooth. Time will tell what happens with this business he is trying to get going. It would be great to be in the paper clip or sticky note business.
@Dominique25 (9464)
• United States
30 Sep 12
@lilmoh hopefully things will work out. But I will not be staking a lot on this business. My priority is to take care of myself and my daughter. And then whatever else happens I will take one step at a time.
@hsofyan (3446)
• Jakarta, Indonesia
6 Aug 12
Hi Dominique, I'm so sorry...
Actually I did not dare to comment about your family problems.
So, I just want to pray so that you can take the right decision, according to conscience. Reasoning, sometimes contrary to their conscience.
God does not change the fate of a person, except by one's own. GBU
@Dominique25 (9464)
• United States
7 Aug 12
Thanks so much for your thoughts and prayers. I appreciate everyone's help. It is hard to make tough decisions especially when we aren't sure of the outcome. It is best to think carefully before we make hasty decisions.
@LovingMyBabies (85285)
• Valdosta, Georgia
6 Aug 12
I think it would be very unfair to you and your daughter to move and have to find another job when you already have one where you are now. If it was me I would stay where I am most comfortable, and where my children are comfortable already.
Since he will not help or give you anything anyway, you know you can live on your own and handle things if you stay where you are now.
I agree with you, I feel you and your daughter would be better off staying where you are.
Like someone else said there are a LOT of risks with opening any business. Sometimes it ends up being good, but more times than not it ends up being a big mistake! I hope your husband is making the right decision for all of you...
1 person likes this
@Dominique25 (9464)
• United States
7 Aug 12
Yeah I agree with you. It would be better for us to stay where we are. I'm trying to do my best to be patient and see how things work out for his business plan before making any final decisions. The way he acts though really gets to me. He really only focuses on himself and what he wants.
Now that I have taken the time to look at things he has only thought about what he thinks is best for himself. At times I feel like he wants me to be in a new place completely all by myself. Not that I need a lot of money but it's nice to be able to have a little spending money and he's not even willing to do that. So I know that I just have to rely on myself. Because I can't depend on him when it comes to financially things.
There are many risk when it comes to starting a business. And I frankly don't want to be that far away if things don't work out. If he does get the business he will be working all the time to keep up with his clients demands but I will be stuck not having any friends or family to visit. And we share one vehicle so that would make things even harder. Time will tell what will happen. All I know is we will have to be out of this house by September 1st. Thanks so much for your suggestions. I appreciate everyone's thoughts during this crazy time in my life. It's a nice thing to be able to come to mylot and have friends to talk with.
@nita04 (268)
• Philippines
7 Aug 12
Dominique, if it only concerns you and your husband I would advise you to go because might be you could find a job there to support yourself and still your marriage intact, since you said that he is not giving you money, but with your child, I think you could not risk her welfare. Where are you going to get to support her, she will suffer with you. If you can, why not talk to your husband and tell him that you a job there first before you are going with him. Remember that he will be venturing into a new business which include risk. If it doesn't prosper you all will be affected but if it is a success, like you said he doesn't share, it is for his gain only. So
@sofiafaith (84)
• Philippines
8 Aug 12
have you had to decide whether to separate from you partner? yes i want to separate my partner bec. he is iresponsable, and like you said his money, his money, my money my money, so why i will stay with him,and i need to have work to have to pay my debt for my baby, and there is no communcation, i will have to be separted from my husband. and i you are stable then why are you afraid to lost him.as long you have your child with you. and you will find that you right man. thank you
@Dominique25 (9464)
• United States
9 Aug 12
Yeah it is hard to be with someone who is irresponsible. It is also very stressful. It makes life really difficult when it doesn't have to be. We will be moving out of the house this coming week. We will be staying with my mom for a few weeks since my husband doesn't want to sign the lease at the new place he wants to wait and see about getting the business. So basically everything is on hold because he doesn't handle his responsibilities the way he should.
@SomeCowgirl (32190)
• United States
6 Aug 12
Stay! Honestly here you'll have your mom to watch your daughter while you work if you need her to, and I'm sure you have other people you can trust to watch her. I'd stay where you are right now and maybe move later when you are financially able to and already have a job pretty much secured in the new area... That is if he doesn't end up moving back because the business didn't take off..
It's a good thing and a bad thing that he makes you rely on yourself financially. It's wrong that he wouldn't even help you financially while you are looking for a job in the new area. You guys are married.. but well I know you've heard it all before so I won't go into it.
@wilsongoddard (7291)
• United States
6 Aug 12
Sounds like your husband is giving you an opening to end this marriage. Perhaps, you should take it.
Stay where you are. Keep your job, your family, your home, your community. Ditch the guy who doesn't value you and does not want to support his family. You will be a lot happier in the long run.
@thersdae_me (327)
• Philippines
7 Aug 12
This is sad Dominique. I hope you did the right decision coz' I just opened my net and read that you've posted eight hours ago. I also pray that our good Lord will watch over you and your daughter. It's difficult really when we come to a point when we need to make tough decisions. But you should try to establish a more stable source of income if your partner is like that. Just to prepare you and your daughter incase his father totally cuts off his financial support on you. Good luck and God bless you.
@yiart65 (146)
• Singapore
6 Aug 12
Hmm, well, if I were you, I would stay right where you are now and continue with life while waiting for your husband to get situated in the new area. Firstly, he is not willingly to give you any money at all, and that sucks, especially when you said he doesn't even want to give you money for groceries! And to move over to a totally new area with your daughter, both of you need to adapt to the new environment. Yes, I know people keep saying that a family should always stick together, but it doesn't apply to your situation. And I agree with your mum, stay in this area and continue your life. At least your mum is staying close to where you work and she will always be there to help you if you need any. Good luck! :)
