How Long Can You Listen to a Friend?
By Raine38
@Raine38 (12391)
United States
August 7, 2012 11:10am CST
I love listening to friends, whether it's a good and exciting news, or their problems. I am more of a listener than a talker or adviser. I always try my best to be there for my friends whenever they need someone to be there for them. But lately, I feel like my level of sympathizing is reaching its limit, if ever I have that. I have this friend who's got a boyfriend, he's a really nice guy but he was having a rough time. He just recently came out of rehab after a couple of years and he's trying to get back on track for their future. But the thing is, try as he may, he can't get a good break. He gets to have a few temporary jobs that just pays for the day and that's it. He's a college undergraduate, he even tried to do construction but he was only given a day's work and pay. It's like everything he tried needed him only for a few days. I tried to help him through my husband's connections, but sadly he didn't meet the required background. I tried to refer him to the organization where I previously work, but they only took him in for 3 months worth of job then he's out of work again. He was so desperate he even said he might as well beg on the streets with a can for loose change. Now my friend is so confused. Back when he was still in control of his life, they're living their dream. He's actually loaded, and before his family got tired of him and his addiction, he was really so well off. Of course being his gf, my friend shared his good life. In fairness to my friend, she's loyal to him. But now, after seeing that they can't go back to their previous life pre-rehab, she's thinking of dumping him. She told me that she's tired of growing up poor. Somehow, part of me understands her. But with all the drama and the things they've been through, I am also getting stressed for them. My heart bleeds out for them and if only I can help them totally I will. My friend knows that. I came to the point that, I don't wanna talk to her anymore because I am being so affected with their problems. I care for them, too much I think that I can literally feel her pain and even lose hours of sleep trying to think of other ways that they can do.
Have you experienced that, that sometimes your heart and mind are too full of your friends' sadness that you can't bear to hear more from them?
2 people like this
9 responses
@BabyCheetah (1911)
• Australia
8 Aug 12
I haven't really had those experiences. My friends don't really pour a lot of their issues onto me, generally I have a lot of happy friends. If they did have any issues they know I'd be there to listen too.
Problem is you are not too emotionally attached when you shouldn't be. It's alright to listen to a bit of it and help out all you can but you can't do everything. It's up to the individual to change their life and their mindset and not give up! 
@Raine38 (12391)
• United States
8 Aug 12
I think that's also one of my problems, I get too attached that I can't even begin to think objectively. I should be the sensible one and the one who's calm and collected but sometimes I would be even more agitated and confused than my friend who's the one in actual agony.
@BabyCheetah (1911)
• Australia
8 Aug 12
I think so. You need to detatch yourself from the situation. Be there to listen and give suggestions but try not to get too involved 
@sandooch (8)
• United States
7 Aug 12
Oh, yes! This has happened more times than I can count. One time that sticks out in my mind was when my sister let our brother move in with her after his divorce to help him out while he saved enough money to get a place of his own. Two years later he was still living with her and hadn't saved a nickel. I had to listen to her tell me over and over again how it was starting to affect her marriage having our brother there all that time. She would get angrier and angrier as she watched him going out to eat for each meal, treating friends out for meals, movies, etc... all the while paying her only $50 a month to live with her just to cover his share of utilities, which I felt was too good of deal to give him.
After hearing about this for months, I finally told her, "Listen, if you don't sit our brother down and tell him that he has 2 months to save for his own place or he needs to start asking his friends for free room and board, I can guarantee you that you will be complaining to me about this same issue a year from now." That was what it took for her to finally see that I was right. She was too chicken to confront him face to face, so she wrote that all down in a letter and left it on his nightstand. After reading it, my brother apologized for not doing his part and promised my sister that he would be out in 2 months. And he made good on that promise. Sometimes people just take a good thing/situation for granted and need that push in the right direction.
@Raine38 (12391)
• United States
8 Aug 12
Good thing it turned out ok. That's so good of your brother to take everything in a good way; I know of others who had the nerve to get offended when reminded of their obligations and responsibilities. Like your sister, I guess I was just too chicken to tell her that she can complain all she wants and nothing will happen if she will not work it out with her boyfriend. Thanks for giving me an idea, I think I will put down in writing what I cannot say to her.
@chiyosan (30183)
• Philippines
8 Aug 12
I do not think i can ever get tired of listening to a friend especially if she is really in need. i think that we should always be ready to listen to them, we know they won't bother us if there is no need to do so. I have few friends who are really that close to me and well i value the trust they give to me in letting me know their problems and that they trust my judgement thus sharing it with me.
@jaiho2009 (39141)
• Philippines
10 Aug 12
I understand about the worries and affection.
When we put ourselves in too much involvement we surely feel the real feelings.
I can sense that they are your friend for a long time and that is the reason why you are affected with their personal problem.
It's kind of complicated and I cannot the blame the woman for feeling tired but I also agree with you that they've been through many trials to lose hope and each other.
Maybe both should work things out together.
Maybe the woman can find a job if she can and let the man stay at home for the meantime.
In his condition, it's hard for him to find a good job that may provide them a good living.
Even if he is undergraduate if he got some skills or intellect enough for high paying job- maybe the right time will come for him, they only need time and patient.
I hope your girl-friend won't leave her husband instead will stay beside him and support as his courage to face more trials.
@sender621 (14893)
• United States
8 Aug 12
I am a pretty open listener. I care about my friends and their probvlems and i really do listen to what the have to say. I believe that we help erach other hen we really listen. I think it is also easier to listen to a friend because you care about each other.
@nixxx05 (309)
•
8 Aug 12
Hi Raine38, hope your're still okay. :) I have been through this kind of situation now, literally right now! Helping a friend is not a crime or bad habit but there's always a limitation.
I am helping my friend a long time ago since she have a 3 kids. My friend and her husband both no work. They live on her husband's parents house which is located at poor/low area. When i heard her situation, i helped her since were friends since high school and i love her, she's like a sister to me. But now, I seldom help her, text or response to her calls and text because i am so tired helping her without helping herself too. She is always asking for money, medicine, etc... I want to help her but she doesn't want to help herself too.
I feel bad for her until now. I am hoping that someday she will find some way to make it and to realized to help herself too.
Don't feel guilty Raine38, just continue to give some advises to your friend but make sure not to make things more complicated for you. :)
@Daisy_22 (1229)
• Philippines
7 Aug 12
I'm willing to listen as long as my friend want me to listen and share her own problems.But human as we are we are very stimulant and responsive.we say advices that we think might be of great help but for our friend is not.Another we felt sometimes of hearing some complains in life because we have also our own problems.There are times that happen to me so everytime we meet i just make sure we will do some crazy things to forget each others problem like playing kids game in the mall.
@cliffhan62 (22)
• Singapore
7 Aug 12
I share similar experiences with your and I somewhat understand what you're going through. You listen to your friend's grievances, problems, good news, success and almost everything under the sun they talk to you with. But you must also know that as a friend, you can only do so much to help them. Ultimately, the problem is theirs to solve and work out with a solution.
I hope that your friend sorts everything out and that you would feel better knowing that you have done your part as a friend.
