Why Do I Always Have to Give Way?
By ARIES1973
@ARIES1973 (11426)
Legaspi, Philippines
August 9, 2012 2:03am CST
No I am not complaining my dear friends. It is just that I feel so tired of all the things that are happening right now. I just want to share my sentiments with you as it's very hard for me to be keeping this thing within myself.
It is really hard to be surrounded by people with strong personalities and I am not. I am a type of person that in most cases I will just stay in one corner. But sometimes, it's really hard for me since I don't have friend in this place whom I can trust so that I could share my problem. As of now, we need to live together and do everything as a group. This kind of set up really makes me sick.
Why would I always have to make way? The choice of sleeping area, the schedule and almost everything, I have to adjust to their convenience. Considering that our payment in this place was equally divided. I can not decide when I could go home or not. I always have to consider the group's decision.
Thank you for taking time to read. I hope this thing is over.
1 person likes this
11 responses
@Raine38 (12391)
• United States
9 Aug 12
If only I am there near you I will smack your head! Not too hard, my dear, just strong enough to wake you up. I know you guys have to stick together given the situation, but you also have the same authority or say as much as they do. And even if they all have strong personalities, they should be considerate enough to even ask you what you want, what you think, or what your suggestions are.
I know it is difficult for you, but next time, try to be a bit more assertive. Just give it a try for a change. Who knows, right?
1 person likes this
@ARIES1973 (11426)
• Legaspi, Philippines
9 Aug 12
Ouch! I think you really need to do that.
Thank you for sharing your opinion raine.
@Sourceseeker (1197)
• United States
9 Aug 12
It is very dangerous to your pysche and your soul to always give way. Its a problem that will keep you up at night. You need to find people to be around that will appreciate you and tolerate you before you have problems.
1 person likes this
@ARIES1973 (11426)
• Legaspi, Philippines
10 Aug 12
Thank you sourceseeker for sharing you opinion. I hope this training is over so I can just go home.
@hsofyan (3446)
• Jakarta, Indonesia
9 Aug 12
ou have more confidence and self esteem. Sacrifice for the sake of the group was good, but there are limits.
@ARIES1973 (11426)
• Legaspi, Philippines
10 Aug 12
Thank you for sharing hsofyan! I appreciate your comment.
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
9 Aug 12
Hi Aries. I think your problem is within yourself. Your timidness holds you back. I don't know how to 'fix' that. I think you have to learn to speak up for what you want. Make an argument when you feel you won't be heard. Make people listen to you. It will be good practice. I was always the follower and never the leader. I never felt I had a voice. I did. I just didn't use it out of fear.
Hope I helped.
1 person likes this
@ARIES1973 (11426)
• Legaspi, Philippines
10 Aug 12
Thank you point for sharing your thought about this matter. I am avoiding arguments because I know if I begin to react on things, there will disagreements among the group and I don't want it to start with me.
@riyauro (6421)
• India
9 Aug 12
well this will make to suffer from inside, I have been through the same situations and I was tired of thinking of others convenience, I had very low self esteem that time and I thought others were always right and I was wrong. what others do was like right. No I sulking and fretting about it inside. I wanted to change but I thought that others will think I want to fancy and I am changed. But I had to take this step and I had to fight for my convenience. I wanted to feel free inside. It is not wrong. Please change your attitude now and tell your mates straight if your are not comfortable with it. Never mind there is an argument but you will be at peace inside. I hope you will change. have a wonderful day.
1 person likes this
@ARIES1973 (11426)
• Legaspi, Philippines
10 Aug 12
I don't know hoe to start. There are times, I am thinking I am just over reacting.
@Byamee (84)
• India
9 Aug 12
Well its always hard to adjust to new places. I have been transferred around a lot of places, imean because of my dad and i know how it feels to not belong. But you need to have your voice heard, if you have too much of a problem then move out, you can pay someone else and have a new group. If this group is not making you feel comfortable then its time to move on. Don't let others bring you down.
1 person likes this
@ARIES1973 (11426)
• Legaspi, Philippines
10 Aug 12
I hope its as easy as that Byamee. If you don't want something, drop it. But its a different one. We are being trained to be with a group and the result, I would always be the one to sacrifice.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
10 Aug 12
I think that there are times that people would rather give way when it comes to any kind of possible confrontations. However, I also feel like these people that tend to be more passive like this do reach a point in their lives when they would like to have their opinion heard. What makes this difficult is the fact that once a person has been walked over so many times, it is nearly impossible for a person to show that they really do have an opinion of their own.
@thersdae_me (327)
• Philippines
9 Aug 12
I didn't know how to react when I read your post. I'm actually one of those people with strong personalities. And true, has the tendency to overlook on some guys who don't say much. But I wouldn't go to the extent of making other people's life miserable, like how you sound yourself in your discussion. Then this striking question inside me, "How do you know that?" I mean, how does one know he or she is already causing pain to another person?
Before when I was in high school, coming from a poor family, being the smallest in class and a transferee at the same time, to a school where almost everyone has a rich family, I had the same experience as you're experiencing right now. My parents paid the same tuition fees for me as my classmates but I felt I was always receiving the least type of treatment a student would want. I graduated with so much pain inside my heart that I'd spent four long years of my life in sadness.:(
When I reached college, I became the opposite of what I was in high school. I became kinda' popular and my teachers and classmates liked me well. It was the greatest time of my life and up to this time, I still feel good about how others treat me. When I look back, there was only this tiny difference- FEAR, the fear of rejection. That strange thought of thinking you'd say the wrong words, or do the wrong things, that may cause you to loose everything- your friends, your family, your dreams. This causes you to just "go with the flow" or in other words, do as they say even though you don't want to (and who knows if they're even aware of it when you don't say a word about it).
So speak up! Tell them what you like and what you don't like so they'll not take you for granted. You can't always say everyone's too pushy for you, you'll have to stand up for yourself one way or the other. Don't wait too long and suffer a sad life. You'll start to enjoy life when you learn to stand up for who you are and what you want. Go kid!
Speak up! Tell them what you like and what you don't like When you learn to overcome the fear of rejection inside you, then you will be able to show your real self- one that everyone around you might actually like better.
1 person likes this
@ARIES1973 (11426)
• Legaspi, Philippines
9 Aug 12
I tried actually, but when they said oh, this is supposed to be like this, I won't answer back. One reason is that because I don't want things to get worse.
I don't know why I am like this. I actually stand out in a group. I can dance, I can sing and people from the community appreciates me. But when it comes to my group, I am speechless.
Thank you for giving me that suggestion.
@dsw313 (320)
• Philippines
9 Aug 12
Sometimes, I am like you, keeping silent in the corner go with the flow, but if I sense that they were taking me for granted, as if I am just nothing, sometimes, we (who always love to give way to others/ for the sake of others etc!) should learn how to stand up! and be heard also! If it is too much, have no fear, tell what's inside you and what's your suggestions, if you'll pretend everything's okay while it is not, they will abuse you and your right. So, express what you want next time. ! :)
@ARIES1973 (11426)
• Legaspi, Philippines
9 Aug 12
I hope I can do that dsw. I am avoiding any argument because if I will add to their noise, we will all be the same and every thing will be a mess! I am diverting my attention to other activities like dancing so that I will not be focusing on this situation.
Thank you for sharing your opinion dsw. So you mean we have the same characteristics. Silent, pretty, lovable and sexy just like a soap opera actress. With 2 or 3 leading men/suitors?
@tetris15 (539)
• Philippines
9 Aug 12
I guess what you are feeling right now is an effect of past actions wherein you always allow them to take charge of everything or deciding on your behalf. I can't blame you for doing that. You probably think that since you are in a group and you have to say yes to everything and accept what the majority say until you get to the point, which you are experiencing right now, that you don't exactly like what is happening anymore. It would be hard to break that now because they will just say why did you allow it in the first place. But it wouldn't be right as well if you will just stay in one corner and just nod to everything they say.
I guess what you can do right now is talk to one person in your group you feel most confident that will understand your sentiments and from there, lay out your cards to them. Remember that crooked things can be straightened up by simply talking. Good luck.
@ARIES1973 (11426)
• Legaspi, Philippines
9 Aug 12
Hi tet! They are like that ever since. We have been together for almost 4 months. I just don't want to make things worse so I have to give way. I have to adjust.
Thank you for sharing your opinion. I hope this thing will be over. There are times I wanted to quit already. But I know I am not a quitter.