I feel like she tries to discourage me
By courtknee525
@courtknee525 (3742)
United States
August 9, 2012 7:23pm CST
Twice in the past 10 minutes my mom has just made discouraging comments to me about things I want to do.
She said she was going to the gym tomorrow, the same one I tried yesterday that kicked my butt lol. I said I wish I could go but I have work and she seemed surprised like Oh? you want to go?. Hinting at how hard of a time I had yesterday.
Then I came back and told her that the pet store I've been wanting to work at has an ad online and they're having an interview this Monday. I was all excited because this past week I've been really wanting to go in one day and apply and see if I can get a job there. She seemed excited too when I was telling her and I thought it was good. A few minutes later she comes in to my room saying "You know you'll probably have to clean cages and clean up after the animals" like she was trying to discourage me from applying. It just really bothers me because when it comes down to it I'm going to do what I want to do, I'm an adult. She did this a few weeks ago too when I wanted to apply to a department store in hopes of getting a higher hourly rate. She said "You know you'll probably have to wear dressier clothes to a place like that".
It just seems like she has some snide comment for everything lately and it's starting to annoy me. Even when I talk about things it's like she always has to contradict me or my opinion by saying the opposite. If I think something is funny or an oxymoron, she brushes it off or gets defensive about it like I was trying to attack her with my comment. Or the best is when she completely ignores what I say altogether and acts like i'm not talking.
Then my parents sit back and wonder why I always hang out in my room and don't really talk to them.
2 responses
@Quetzhal (82)
• Singapore
10 Aug 12
I'll be honest, it sounds a bit like you're reading too much into what you're saying. I don't think she was deliberately hinting at the hard time you had in the gym, for example- It sounds like she was just genuinely surprised you wanted to go back to a place that you didn't do so well the day before. As for the others, it sounds more like she's trying to caution you against taking a job you might regret as opposed to discouraging you from it. She's not telling you "it might not be the best for you", she's just saying "you're going to have to do this and that, are you sure about this?"
If that IS how you feel about it, though, I would really recommend talking to her and telling her how you feel about it- Maybe try to discern her intentions in saying these things. If you're still hurt by it, then maybe ask her to stop, suggest alternative ways she can convey what she's worried about. I will be honest, it does sound more like motherly worry than actively discouraging you, but sometimes it's not immediately obvious to the person that's doing it the effect of their words.
@courtknee525 (3742)
• United States
10 Aug 12
I don't know why she does it but it's starting to get to me. She always has something negative to say about anything I have to say. I think she says the things about me applying to other jobs because she doesn't understand why I'm trying to work somewhere else. She thinks that it's not a big deal because it's only a part time job while I go to school. But I hate this job and I get paid minimum wage. I'd much rather work somewhere else and get paid more for working the same hours.
I think she doesn't realize I'm growing up, she wants me to stay little forever.
@Quetzhal (82)
• Singapore
10 Aug 12
Talk to her! Tell her how you feel, and tell her that she should have a little bit more faith in you. She can express her fears and/or worries, of course, but open it up for discussion, I guess? Just be understanding of where each of you is coming from; sometimes these things are just a miscommunication.
@BabyCheetah (1911)
• Australia
10 Aug 12
If she doesn't know she's even doing it then I suggest you talk to her. Maybe have a talk with both your parents about how you're feeling about being contradicted all the time and discouraged. Mind you as you get older you will learn to not let it get to you. To me if my mum said something like that if I applied at the pet shop I'll just say "yes mum I know what they do in a pet shop" and leave it at that.
But you are still very young and your parents are also probably having a hard time accepting that you are an adult which could be an explanation to your mums behavior. She might think if she does act this way and treat you like a child, you will stay a child. She may be trying desperately to trick herself into believing you are still her baby.
I might be completely wrong but that's what comes to mind about her behaviour especially if it's only been lately and not your whole life.
@courtknee525 (3742)
• United States
10 Aug 12
I think she really does have a hard time accepting the fact that I'm pretty much an adult. Yes, I still live at home but I'm 20, go to school, and work part time. She's not cruel or anything like that, but sometimes I just notice that she tries to discourage me from things or sometimes she just seems to be in a nasty mood.
Right now I'm at a job that pays minimum wage. I'm tired of working my butt off to not have anything come of it on my paycheck. I'm really looking for a better opportunity but everytime I talk about wanting to earn more money, my mom always tells me that it's "just a part time job". I understand I work part time while I go to school but I don't see what's wrong in wanting to do better and strive for more. Even if I did get another job I'd still be working only part time and going to school. I think it would be better to work the same hours and make a whole lot more money.
She's just really frustrating me.
