Compulsive Family... How to get out of this one?

Hi Bhai!You know my answer. By trying to arrange your marriage means they do not listen to you. So that is Their loss. Ok my next few sentences are from my point of view, an American who was born into a family who Asked me what I wanted to do. Ok here I go. The best thing to do is Not go for visits, move to Dubai and get a job. Contact the American Consulate and see How to get a work visa for America. I believe a work visa could get you here legally for a while. then yu can apply for citizenship. If your family doesn't believe your words , maybe they will believe your actions!Now ou have to tell me, with your culture is this possible? Will your parents try to kill you? If so go Straight to the consulate they maybe able to give you asylum. good luck Bhai.

To be honest,I don't know.Mine was an arranged marriage and I and my wife were total strangers for each other.Initially we had to take some time to get adjusted with each other,but then we started living happily as a couple.My contention is that the success of a marriage depends on mutual understanding.You must have seen that love marriages also may end up failing.My mother chose a girl for me and I married her.She is not much educated and we differ on various issues.Still we can't live without each other.But after all it's your decision.What can I say about it?

With these arranged marriages do you not even get to meet beforehand? It would help lol. I feel sorry for you having to put up with this. How to get out of it? Meet the lady on the sly to see if you get on.

hi mr_pearl, So it's an arrange marriage well you can say No if you don't want to but you will go through a dating and getting to know each other right? Both parents will still have a talk about this. But if you are not ready yet then just say NO I mean it's your life what they are talking to it's you who gonna spend your life with her not them. happy mylotting

Hi mr_pearl, I'm glad to know that you're one of those who will not just agree with his family to have your marriage arranged. I know that is your culture but I also believe that everyone has their own feelings and choice. And you are one of those guys who would not just nod at his parent's wish on arrange marriage. I do hope your family will respect you and accept what your decision is. I believe you and the girl don't have any papers yet so I think you're still free and can get away with that. Try to go to another place if you can.

In this modern days, it is hard to see arranged or forcing marriage activities. Most of the youngsters find their life partner by their own and start to love them. Still some parents are forcing their son/daughter for arranged marriages. There is nothing wrong in marrying the person for our parents sake, but we must have a proper understanding with that person before marriage, it is really hard to marry a person whoever completely strange to us. If your parent compel you to marry a certain person, tell them you are not interested in marrying a person without proper understanding and you need to understand them by making a good friendship with them. Mostly you have time between your engagement and marriage, use this time to make a good friendship with your fiance and know about them very well in that short period. Some times Arranged marriage will be converted in to a love one with this kind of understanding, so tell your parents that you are not interested in marrying a complete stranger and wish to know more about him/her before marriage, it will be good for both you and your parents. Most of the modern parents will accept this and you will fulfill your parents desire if your fiance is good for you.

Okay, I saw that you live in India right, and this is common over there, isn't it? Tell them that you don't know who she is, and you don't know why you have to marry her? If you are not comfortable with this, then you shouldn't be forced into it. I am so thankful that I live in America, and that I live in a place where I get to choose who I want to marry, or I get to choose not to marry at all. If anyone tried to tell me what to do, then I would probably run away, or the alternative that I would rather not mention here. I am the kind of person who really doesn't like being told what to do.

Here in America arranged marriages isn't at all common. I do understand there are pros and cons in allowing your family to pic your mate. I don't know if it's something I would want for myself or my kids. I would just talk to them and let them know how you feel. I wish you all the best with this situation

Hello my friend mr_pearl Ji, Well, first of all a person must be clear in his mind the value and reasons behind marriage, next remember whatever parents do, they do far the best for their children. Next, if one works out, then you are laready late for the marriage. If you marry now and get a daughter at you age of 35 and when she marries as of your ag enow, you will b e60 yrs and I think everyone must complete their works by the age they reach 55 yrs, so that spouses are left some time to relax. Just think it over. Arranged marriageges have been much more successful that other than arranged ones. May God bless You and have a great time

Simple way would be call the girl, tell her look lady, I have nothing against you, but I ain't ready for marriage as yet, and I dont want to make a blunder which both of us might live regret, so please dont mind if I call this match off. Then, walk out of home and disappear with a couple of friends who stay out of the state, be with those guys for two months your family will come to its senses.

what?I know friend your country has arranged marriage,yes so your family practices it. Look pal I'll give you an advice ( since you asked for it) but I just don't know and pardon me (those who practice it)if it's proper cause I come from a country that does not practice it. What ever happens make a point to meet and see her first, remember we talked about destiny last time, who knows, she might be pretty as an angel or an actress but gentle and submissive as a lamb and a good house wife, so what ever it is just get to see her before going to a heated argument with your family cause there's a possibility you are wrong and losing a great opportunity. Decide if she's your type, if she isn't then that's the time to plan to make a run for it type a exit, make excuses, disappear Pooof!anything man... wait we have another problem, what if you get to like her and she's the one who does not like you, can her family pressure her to marry you?

I am sorry. I totally disagree with the whole arranged idea. I don't think it is fair. Parents do not ALWAYS know what is best for their children. My parents wanted me to be with a man who they thought was a good person for me. Turns out they are SO grateful now that I did not listen to them because he is not what they thought he was at the time. That is the reason I feel the way I do. My life would be more of a mess than it is now if I went with the guy they wanted for me... We have to follow our own hearts sometimes. If YOU choose this girl great but in the end it is your happiness on the line, not theirs!

Have you not considered seeing the girl or at least get to know her? You might be surprised that she may have the qualities you're looking for in a girl. It's totally surprising and annoying in a way that you weren't even consulted about the marriage your parents are arranging. If you are not in a relationship, I suggest you could try to get to know the girl for your parent's sake so that they wouldn't feel bad. On the other hand, if you are in a relationship, explain to everyone that there's already someone and you cannot marry the girl they are arranging for you. Of course, say it in a manner that nobody will be offended. I wish you well.

You said to your family that you don't want to marry a total stranger. Well of course you're right. We should marry only to someone whom we know best, we dearly loved, to someone worth to offer our trust, faith and to have kids with. Well, what you've experienced right now, maybe the same outburst of the girl. Meet her, let her know your thoughts about the situation. I know she'll understand you. If she agrees with you, you two can tell both you and her parents that you're not yet ready for marriage. Marriage just to keep religion intact is not agreeable for me. What if serious problem arise out of not being able to build a good marriage, no love in it's real essence build, can religion save it or can do anything about it? What unites marriage is the love, commitment to both partners, and dedication to build a better family.

I was a bit surprised that arranged marriage is still practiced in some countries in the present. I think our country do have that kind of tradition long time ago, but I think it only applies to the rich families. For the purpose of not marrying their children to a person who are not rich, they arrange their children's marriage to someone with the same status of life. but now, its was almost not practice anymore.

Try to understand your family that why they selected that girl.See her once and talk with her directly or by phone.Then decide yourself that she will be fit for you are not.Then say to your family.Don't worry they will understand you.

You did the right thing but expect that they will still force you to marry that girl. Try telling them that you have a girlfriend for now, and you really love each other. It's you're life after all, you're the one writing your story and you're the one that should decide on what will happen. You could try to meet that girl first to respect your family, and if she does caught your attention or been shoot by cupid or what we call love at first sight (nah, just kidding). Just tell honestly and cool way on what you really feel about this matter.

Well, try to put yourself in your parents' position. If you have a kid, I'm sure you'll also want the best for him, even in choice of a wife. While to most of us this sound as something that is hard to accept, our initial reaction will always that bordering to rebellion. Instead of taking it out on them, why don't you give their choice a chance. You don't have to marry her right away, right? Who knows maybe she feels the same way about the arrangement and between you two maybe you can work together to make both your parents understand how you guys really feel about the whole thing.

This story always makes me sad . I can't understand why in this age of time still there are tribes practicing such kind of tradition. Before i thought , this kind of story happens during world's crude days but am bit shock , even at present when everything is advance still that is being observed ? Sad but can you not make a stand ? I guess it is never wrong if the person air her side. Tell your parents that you should be the one to chose whom would be your partner for life ? But say it gently and sincerely.

Wow, this is so beyond my cultural knowledge I can offer absolutely NO advice. What have others done who have been in your same predicament? Surely there must be a process which you can undertake to change the situation. I know arranged marriages are common in many cultures but surely there must be a way to not be a part of it? Have any of your friends been through this? Wow it is so sad both for you and the young lady.