she lost it, she should pay for it

I agree with you 100%. She should pay if not the whole cost at least a portion of it. This will teach her to be more responsible with her things and things that she borrows. This happened to my son a few years back and I made him pay for the book. He never lost another book again.

I think that children need to take responsibility for the things that they have done, especially if you have been telling her for a long time that she needs to be looking for the book. I don't know how much the book would cost to buy again, but if it is a lot then just taking a portion of the cost from her pocket money would be fair. Even $1 would seem like a lot of money to take away from a child, so if you do this then she will think again before she loses anything in the future. My parents did something similar with me when I was a little younger, and it really did work well with regards to making sure that I didn't do the same thing again.

I think at 9 years old having her pay for it would be a good life lesson. If you pay for it yourself you'd just be telling her that it's OK to lose things and that you will continue to pay for these losses in the future. I think this might be something that she will remember in the future and will be more careful with her things and recognize the value of money.

you could do that, but I would have withdrew her library rights for a certain period of time the same with the videos.

What is "WWYD"? Anyway i think you should "discipline" your husband into being responsible and to set a good example for your daughter. We as adults should always be accountable for our actions. If the kids see that it's ok to get away with their wrongdoings, then they will just lie or run their way out of the blame and not make amends or reparation for it. They may even be crooks in the future, although that is an extreme example. I always tell my dad that he should set a good example to us, his children, and he should be humble enough to admit that he is wrong, but he always just denies his wrongdoings and insists that he is older and wiser. Well, age isn't a sure way to indicate maturity. So we should instill good values in children early on as much as we can. If they don't turn out the way we hope that they would be, then at least the parents did their part in trying to raise them well.

My parents made me pay for the library books that I lost and I don't think that is unfair at all. I had to pay the entire bill and not just a part of the bill, but I was older than your daugther and I probably had more money that she have. I don't how much money she receives as pocket money and what it costs to replace the book, but I think it is fair to ask her to pay part of the bill since she was the one who lost the book. If you just pay the bill she won't learn much from the experience. I wouldn't limit the amounts of books that she gets from the library, but I would ask her to pay for every single book that she loses.

First off, they need to PROVE that they did not lose it, check it back in, not record it, and maybe someone else has it on their shelf at home, and your daughter's getting blamed for their clerical mistake. HOWEVER, if it is proven that your daughter is, indeed, at fault, then I think she should have to pay the ENTIRE cost out of her allowance, or whatever other money she may have, because she, and nobody else, should take responsibility for her own irresponsible actions. As for her not looking for it, you need to follow her around and MAKE HER LOOK FOR IT!!!

She needs to learn responsibility both for her own stuff and especially for stuff that's been borrowed..Is her room so big and the amount of stuff She has so plentiful that something like a Library book can disappear without a trace in there? Having her do a thorough search/tidy to make sure if the book is definitely not around seems like a good idea..as does Her paying for it if it IS gone..I had to pay my own overdue fines at the library as a kid..It made me careful about bringing them back!

Conundrum, conundrum...well she is nine right? Have her work it out. Yes, definitely she should pay for it. By nine, I was doing my own laundry, cooking one night a week for the family, and taking responsibility because that is what my parents expected of me. I was taught to be independent. And when I lost something my parents expected me to find it, and if I didn't well grounded was the only discipline. I lost privileges, like going to practices, playing sports, or video games. I even was expected to pay for my missing books from the library. I did odd jobs around the neighborhood, then put the money in an envelope labeled LIBRARY. When I had enough money my mom went to the library with me and I payed off the books. To say, one of the books were found and I got the money back on it, and gave it to my mom to put away for me. I still did odd jobs, and got an new envelope and wrote BANK on it. I had enough my mom put the money I gave to her in my envelope and went to SouthSide bank and opened an kids account... Teach them to be responsibly, have high expectations, and have her know that you are mom, and dad should back you up no matter what.

She should pay for the book, she needs to learn responsibilities and this will be a perfect moment to show her. Maybe pay a little part to not be too mean. It's part of life and she needs to learn this. Children learn from their mistakes. Have a great day!

yes i think you are right she should have to pay for a portion of it and should be in trouble when she doesnt look for it. she should know the responsibility of giving back what you dont belong and the consequences if u dont. i think you can start this at 6 or 7 even but 9 for sure.

I'm all for corporate punishment (not)...why not just quit going to the library all together. You can say something like since discs, cds and books are not being kept together that you're tired of spending your time looking for their things. Plain and simple. When she earns the reward of keeping her things together then it's time to head to the library. I think making her pay for things is a little harsh since she is only 9. See how it goes. Do they value going to the library? I know my grandkids all do and there mother did this and it worked. When it's time to go to the library they know where all their library books are; cds are all put back into their cases and the video games are all intact. Of course they are a little older 13, 11 and 7 and the 3 year old is even good about putting things away. They look at library day as a day outing. She ususally takes them to the park which is right next door and gets them an ice cream cone at mcdonalds and then they hit the library for the rest of the day.

You're not gonna like me (even if I agree she should pay for it). I believe that it's the PARENTS responsibility to teach accountability to their children. If you had done so, your kid would have been more careful with the book, or any other things. But you failed to do so. I'm not saying you're a bad parent and all, I think your concern shows you ARE a good parent, but maybe you're more of a friend than a mother to your children. That's never good. You say it's not the first time she's done something like that. Why is that? Asking the question is answering it. You should have held her accountable the FIRST time she did it. But instead, you went and paid for it, giving her the impression that mommy is gonna bail me out no matter what, even if it means getting yelled at a little bit, it's worth it. It starts right there. Next, she's gonna go throw rocks at windows and set fires (I'm exagerating here but it's to drive the point), all the while thinking ''Bah, mommy's gonna pay for it if we get caught''. I don't know how old you are, but in my youth (I'm 41), we learned that actions had consequences. If I broke a window, my dad would pay for it, but he would arrange for me to go volunteer at the place for X amount of time. I had no choice. How about asking the library if you could send her for a couple of days to clean. You would be surprised how much people respect and want to help a parent trying to teach their kids a lesson. My wife's kid was like that before I met her. At 8 years old, he would forget his homework, forget his gym clothes, wouldn't do assignments etc etc. My wife would run across town to get him his stuff, so he wouldn't get in trouble. I put a stop to it, and let him get chewed by the school teachers a few times, and he learned the hard way: He was held back one year. He thought it was the worst thing EVER. But he did learn. It's called TOUGH LOVE, and it's sadly missed in today's world of ''king children'' and absent parents.

Yea she should pay for but i dont think any book a 9 year old would read will cost you to much.but yes if she does lose it she should pay for it.

When my daughter turned 7 and started getting a regular allowance, she became responsible for all of her library fines. A privilege ( allowance) is enhanced by a responsibility (paying your fines). It teaches kids debt management and lets them be proud of managing their own needs. So you know what I would do, I would require her to at least pay part of it. It is good for her.

Hi Snuggles, Nope...you are not wrong at all. In fact, she is lucky that you are only expecting her to pay part of it. I remember learning the importance and responsibility of taking care of a library book when I was in first grade! It is a free service and a priviledge that we are lucky to have and should appreciate. By making her pay, you are teaching her some responsibility. If you borrow something from someone whether it is a friend or the library or whatever, you return it in a timely manner and in the condition that it was borrowed in or you replace it. If mom and dad keep replacing things that she loses then she will not learn a thing.

By all means, make her pay for it! She has to understand the concept of borrowing--someone lends you something with the understanding that you'll return it in the same or better condition that you got it and on time. If she doesn't learn with basic concept of trust she'll have an awful life. I remember when I was 6 we moved. We found a library book in the couch! I borrowed that book and had to work it off since we had no money. I worked at the library for half a day--things were different back then and my mom could trust the ladies there to work me hard and protect me. When I found that book I took it to my mom and we drove back and returned the book even though it was 30 miles away. I asked if they would pay me for my work and she said no, my work should be free for the inconvenience I caused and the children who were unable to read the book since I'd lost it. What a powerful lesson and what a difference it made in my life!

This is the perfect time to teach the lesson of responsibility to this child. To many people grow up feeling they have little or no responsibility for their actions. Why does Hubby not want to teach this lesson?

Hi, that is the right thing to do. If she had borrowed from her friend, and lost the book, she definitely have to pay her friend. That is only right. It does not mean that library books are her books. After all, we all borrow from the library, and library books belong to the government or province government. It is not right to ask parents to pay when she has pocket money to pay for it.

Yes, you should make her pay a portion of it. It is about taking responsibility for your actions. If your husband is uncomfortable about making her pay money for it- then some extra chores around the house could pay off the debt. By the way, I am curious, why are you paying off her debt, why not your husband if he doesn't want her to fork over any money? Even if he is not her dad, if he thinks he has input into what you should do with it then he should also be putting into the pot. Just my two cents- not much these days!