Now I surely realise what I had, after I lost it..
By love4kolkata
@love4kolkata (279)
India
August 13, 2012 11:46pm CST
Last week Tuesday, when I went for a medical test, I was praying to God..."please it should not be positive!!" And the doctor announced "Yes, you r pregnant." I cried...my husband felt confused. We both knew it is too early for us to take care of a child and give a comfortable life to him/her. We decided to abort it. But the doctor told us to wait for yesterday to get the USG report to determine the size of the fetus. And yesterday we got the report and I took the medicine...got relief!!
Really?? Is it a relief?
No. Every moment I just remember the moment when I saw it in the USG. A small 1.11 cm life moving inside my body. When the doctor in USG room told "You can check the baby's heart bit after 2 weeks." I felt devastated. I thought "Yeah...I can't give even 1 day to my baby to start biting its heart." I just cant believe how can I be so insensitive!! I killed a life. Dont know from where he/she came and now where he/she will go. I always thought 2 years after marriage is good time to have kid. If anything goes wrong between this 2 years I will go for an abortion. But just after 6months of marriage, became pregnant and had the abortion yesterday. But after I had it...I realize what I have lost. I mean.. seriously was it that much difficult for me to take care of a life to grow up to his/her own??
This question will haunt me for ever through out my life. I just hope that god will forgive me...but I will never be able to forgive myself for the crime I did.
2 people like this
5 responses
@dpk262006 (58678)
• Delhi, India
14 Aug 12
Hello!
Your situation is understandable. However, there is a saying - 'Do not ever repent once you have taken a decision'.
A coin has two sides, like-wise your decision could be seen from both the angles - positive or negative.
Pl. do not feel guilty about your decision. You will get many more opportunities in life to get pregnant again and there is whole life ahead of you.
All the best. Enjoy your married life the way you want to ...... Babies could wait.
@dpk262006 (58678)
• Delhi, India
14 Aug 12
As a woman (and would be mother) your internal feelings are understandable.
You will forget about this incident with the passage of time and you would be aware - time is the great healer.
I would say - have patience and strength and please do not shed tears or feel gloomy or dejected.
If you keep thinking about the event and keep feeling guilty consious, it will make you more sad.
You can not 'undo' the event, so please try to forget it and try to divert your mind in other activities.
I am sure you will get back to normal sooner than later.
All the best.
1 person likes this
@love4kolkata (279)
• India
14 Aug 12
Yes, Thanks a lot for your wishes. I am just trying to cope up with the situation. Yeah...tears are flowing like it is coming out from a hidden sea inside my body. Because the incident has made the biggest impact on me. I just wish I will recover myself soon from the disaster.
@rsa101 (38166)
• Philippines
14 Aug 12
So sad to hear your story. I think having a child is the most wonderful news I can receive from our doctor. I would not think of it having it aborted unless there is a valid reason for them to abort it. Financial difficulties can easily be resolved at all. I was given only a son and my wife has a heart problem making it difficult for her to get pregnant again. I am so blessed that we got our first son with us and not decided that we were not ready to have him else we would be having no child at this time.
@love4kolkata (279)
• India
14 Aug 12
Yeah..I have realized it. If anytime again from now, god forgives me and give the gift , I will take care of it regardless of any difficulties. I just wish god forgives my mistake!!
@deebomb (15304)
• United States
15 Aug 12
Hello love. You must work on forgiving yourself. The thing is that There never seems to be the right time to have a baby. It used to be if you got pregnant but weren't ready you found a way to take care of that baby regardless of the financial situation. Yes there is always a way to do what needs to be done in any situation. I though about getting rid of my first born son because of the situatio0n at the time. I am so glad that I didn't as he is a wonderful man now.
@Raine38 (12389)
• United States
14 Aug 12
I can't help but to silently grieve with you as well. For two years, my husband and I have been trying to conceive. Each month my period comes, I feel so defeated. How I wish I could have been the one in your position, pregnant at that time. I wish I could have had that baby in me. I am not judging you, I know your pain. Sometimes, things happening like this makes me question what is really God's plan for us. We can very well care and provide for a baby but we're having a difficult time conceiving. You are not ready yet but a baby was sent in your way. I just don't get it.
@love4kolkata (279)
• India
14 Aug 12
You know...I just pray to god that you will get the chance very soon. Just wait for the right time. Good will bless you with a beautiful baby!!
@anix101 (44)
•
28 Aug 12
I am really sorry for your situation. I have a lot of friends who have had abortions. They had them very soon after finding out they were pregnant and I don't know one of them that doesn't regret it. I don't want to comment on whether what you did was right or wrong because that's not for me to say, I have never felt your feelings or been in your shoes so it would be impossible for me to cast judgement. I simply wish women would seriously consider the effects of an abortion on themselves. I have always believed it is a personal choice and that people have abortions for different reasons and that it is sometimes the correct option for them in their current situation and how they feel. I just think it is so sad when a woman has one and regrets her decision. It truly breaks my heart because its not something you can change your mind about once done, and even having a child at a later date will never erase regret. I just hope you learn to come to terms with it. My advice is to lean on those around you, if you are hurting about your decision, don't do it in silence, confide in your husband and pull each other through it. I really hope it gets better for you x
