Money Matters
By Raine38
@Raine38 (12250)
United States
August 14, 2012 11:51pm CST
Once we get married, the rule "what's yours is mine, and what's mine is yours" apply, unless of course there's a pre-nuptial agreement prior to the union. Whenever people ask me who earns more, me or my husband, I always tell that I do. Because what's his is mine, and what's mine is mine. 
I have a friend who married a guy from another country. She still stays here, while the guy lives and works in his own country. He last visited her last November 2011, which is also the month they married. When she visited our place this weekend, she noticed a case of iPhone and she asked who's the lucky one who gets a new phone. I told him it's my husband's gift to me. Then she started her story.
Long story short, she said her husband had a yearly budget of her allowance that he sent to her. This year, she wants to buy an iPhone but she was scammed and it cost her about $250.00. She didn't tell this to her husband because he knows he will definitely hit the roof. This put a large dent on her budget since she wasn't able to recover it. Expectedly, she was short for her budget and she asks her husband for some money. Her husband did send her and told her that she "already reached her annual budget for this year, no more money is coming." She then asks me what arrangement does me and my husband have, and what she should do so that they will also do it our way.
To be honest, I really don't know what to tell her, but for me I think this is something between her and her husband. She messaged me again just now; what should I tell her without making her feel bad or seeming as if I'm rubbing in her problem?
I have a friend who married a guy from another country. She still stays here, while the guy lives and works in his own country. He last visited her last November 2011, which is also the month they married. When she visited our place this weekend, she noticed a case of iPhone and she asked who's the lucky one who gets a new phone. I told him it's my husband's gift to me. Then she started her story.
Long story short, she said her husband had a yearly budget of her allowance that he sent to her. This year, she wants to buy an iPhone but she was scammed and it cost her about $250.00. She didn't tell this to her husband because he knows he will definitely hit the roof. This put a large dent on her budget since she wasn't able to recover it. Expectedly, she was short for her budget and she asks her husband for some money. Her husband did send her and told her that she "already reached her annual budget for this year, no more money is coming." She then asks me what arrangement does me and my husband have, and what she should do so that they will also do it our way.
To be honest, I really don't know what to tell her, but for me I think this is something between her and her husband. She messaged me again just now; what should I tell her without making her feel bad or seeming as if I'm rubbing in her problem?3 responses
@cheerfulnuts (604)
• Philippines
16 Aug 12
Hi Raine38. Maybe you can just tell her that it's hers and her husband's private life and you don't think her husband would like it if you meddle into their business. You can add that only she and her husband know what arrangement works best for them. If she continues to message you, maybe you can suggest how she can budget her allowance instead.
It's weird that she wanted to have an iPhone even if she already has a Blackberry. And I don't understand why losing $250 had put a large dent on her budget. How much does she spend anyway? Does she have a job? If she doesn't, perhaps you can help her find a job by informing her if there's any job openings available.
Anyway, I'm glad to know that you're richer than your husband hehe.:)
@cheerfulnuts (604)
• Philippines
16 Aug 12
Oh, I see. So she has been lying to her husband even before the iPhone incident and her husband knows it. Yeah, it's really not healthy. Some people are clueless about handling money. What's worse is most of the time, these same people are the ones who want to buy expensive things. I know someone who is not really rich but wants to fit in with her rich friends. She didn't have enough money to buy branded clothes, so she took her younger sister's money.
I've always believed that in order to help others, you should help yourself first. If my money isn't enough for my family's needs, I won't send money to other people. I just hope she would fix her own money problems first before she tries to send money to her mom (who may not need it anyway).
@Raine38 (12250)
• United States
16 Aug 12
Yep, her mom doesn't need it, but they want it. For a more lavish and festive celebration of the fiesta, you know, all out. Complete with lechon (roast hog), and lots of dishes and even pledging to sponsor the band.
You're right, some people just don't know how to live within their means. I don't know how this whole thing will play out, although I have this feeling it won't be good.
@Raine38 (12250)
• United States
16 Aug 12
Haha, yeah, thank God for my husband weee!
Anyway, I only gathered bits and pieces of her story because when I am not comfortable about something that I'm hearing, I tend to not really pay attention. So like, she sent money to her mom in the province even though originally she agreed with her husband that it's him who will send the money. So she send some money anyway, and still tell her husband that he needs to send some. Her husband asked her if she already sent some and she denied it. But then, her mom thanked her husband for the money so her husband learned that she's lying. She told me she only has her mom's best interests because she wants her mom to have more money when she can only give a little, so with her giving some plus her husband, it will be really a considerable amount. I didn't even ask how much because I really don't want to know. So basically, she have already a history of lying money matters to her husband, and now she's hiding things from him. That's really not healthy. She does have a job and I don't know how she budgets her money but given her expensive tastes, I think I already have an idea.
@skyandgrassplot (1497)
• China
15 Aug 12
Every family,every couple are different,so we should not compare with other couple,there are always have some couple better than you and some couple worse than you,many of us worse off than some, better off than many,enough is as good as feast.
If this situation come to me,I will tell this friend if she really want this Iphone should earn it by herself,$250.00 is not a large figure,if her husband do not earn too much.But if her husband is a mean guy,I will advise her to discuss with her husband.
@Raine38 (12250)
• United States
15 Aug 12
Well, I really don't understand because her husband just bought her a new blackberry. I mean she could have just told him that he wants an iPhone instead. I really find it such a small thing which can be resolved with a simple talk. Anyway, that's what I also told her, to come clean and tell him about the scammed money. I know he wouldn't like it if he hears this from someone else.
1 person likes this
@venessapaula (168)
• Philippines
15 Aug 12
You are so right!!!She should come clean and tell her husband the truth, because the moment he finds out from somebody else, he may not trust her again.
@cheerfulnuts (604)
• Philippines
16 Aug 12
I completely agree with you Raine. Honesty is really important in marriage, especially when it comes to money. A lot of marriages fall apart because of lack of trust and communication. Once the husband finds out about her being scammed from someone else, it would be hard for him to trust her. She should be honest with him. It's his hard-earned money anyway and he has the right to know why her allowance isn't "enough".
@Daisy_22 (1229)
• Philippines
16 Aug 12
There's nothing wrong to tell your friend the agreement you and your husband have.It's good instead in a way she will have an open eye to know what she did is really wrong.It's okay to let her feel hurt as what the saying goes truth hurts...eVEN IF SHE'S ALREADY MARRIED, SHE STILL NOT NEED TO DEPEND HER HUSBAND. iF SHE WANTS THAT THING THEN SHE NEEDS TO WORK FOR IT.
@Raine38 (12250)
• United States
17 Aug 12
I'm just a but wary to tell her of our affairs, because I don't normally feel comfortable discussing to anyone any matter between me and my husband, especially about money which is a sore topic for her. You're right, she needs to work for whatever she wants, but she also needs to set her priorities. As a marred woman, I think there are far more important things that we should set our money for instead of a new cellphone. Now if there's an extra money, then maybe she can use this for her own wants.
