It might be time

Hello blue. a retirement home is the last place to consider. Have you looked into home health care? Some one come in and helps with medication, baths and any cooking and some light house keeping.I worked in one of those place for a while. The people had to keep to the home's schedule. Get up and go to bed when they say. Eat when and what they say. not allowed to make any decisions on your own. Before putting him in one of those places look into the home health care situation.

I have had to deal with the same dilemna in the past. What it came down to for me was, What is best for dad and what is best for me. I was getting calls at all hours of the day and I was worried all the time. So I decided to place my dad in an assisted living place. It was the best decision. My dad was not happy with my decision at all but he grew to like the place and to consider it home. He had regular meals, at regular times, (hated the food at first) but then learned to have certain things that he really liked. I received regular reports and most importantly when I went to visit him. I was refreshed and able to share quality time with him. For me and for him it was a good decision.

Hi blue, This is a hard time. My old dad wanted to die at home, no two ways about it. He was able to look after himself for such a long time but the last five years he began to need more and more help. He had a friend calling on him sometimes several times a day and he had people coming to clean house, spend time with him and look after any health issues he had daily too. He was still living alone though. We talked to him a lot about the extra care we were arranging for him and we let him know how concerned for his safety we were. We let him know we wanted him to be comfortable and carefree with little or no reason for him to have accidents which would put his life at risk...he had had episodes where he forgot something on the stove and started a fire and there was a night in winter when he was wondering around outside in just his pjs...he broke his arm that night and it needed surgery but he was too week to have the anaesthetic. He finally made the decision himself to go into a retirement nursing home of his choice and he passed away, peacefully 2 months later. He was 98. What I'm saying is, get your family to include him as much as possible in the discussions and decisions or else he will be totally miserable. I'm sure none of you want that.

Don't get mad at me I cannot help but get emotional with these types of things... It would be so hard for me to do that. I just hope they will treat him good there. I have heard some bad things about retirement homes. But if you pick a good one I am sure he will be fine. Gosh that is a hard thing to have to do. I hope he gets the best care possible and I hope he does make friends there! I hope you will all visit him a lot there, I am sure without you he will get lonely sometimes. It is good to have family visit you so you know someone cares. I went to a nursing home one time and this one lady was so bitter because her family never came to see her once she was there. It broke my heart for her. All of the other kids thought she was mean but to me, I just knew it was deeper than that. When I had a one on one talk with her she told me she was so lonely and her family seemed to forget about her existence...

Whatever your decision with your siblings will be, I think your father will understand. There are special needs for a man of 88 that only retirement homes can offer. He will receive the best care there and he will get to meet new friends to have a chat with. Then you can visit him anytime you want.

When choosing a retirment home be very careful. Reach the homes and visit and ask lots of questions. Ask about the activities they offer to help him keep his mind off of not being at home. I worked in a retirment home and some of the nurses are so helpful and compassionate and there are some that could care less about the residents, they are just there to get a pay check. Ask to meet the nurses and aides that wil be providing your father's care. Ask about there last state review. most importanly visit him often don't just put him there and forget about him like some people do. Good luck.

hi bluepacker not all retirement centers are the same here at /Gold Crest we have no registered nurses at all nor a hospital u nit. those like your dad will eventuallybe sent to nursing homes with qualified nursing staff instead ,i hear some centers do have a medical staff,I on the other hand am here as when my son lost his job 3 years ago he and I spent all our savings trying to keep rent and utilities paid and ran out of f unds,. we were evicted and as i am in my eighties I was helped here with my social security and SSI checks so I had a home of sorts, rents here in southern California are wickedly high. this is not where I ever intended to be but its better than homeless shelters., I cannot see why you cannot take your father into one of your homes instead and hire a nurse,. most people do not want to be shunted off and forgotten about as they love their families. how come the Vietnamese here in Calif take their aged parents into their own homes as they feel its evil to drop parents into a nursing home and yet we all do the same thing to our parents and tuck them away.

with anything like this you need to sit down and decide what is best for father if he needs constant care and attention and you cant give him that then maybe its best if he goes in a home. Maybe you can sit down with your father and see what he wants to do for the best.