better to lose friendship without lending money rather than after lending...
@krupesh (2608)
India
August 19, 2012 7:47am CST
Its really frustrating to lose friendship just for the sake of money.This has happened to me with a close friend of mine.He borrowed money from me and promised to pay it at a particular time.After the time elapsed he first asked for some more time , gradually avoided picking up my call and now he is nowhere to be seen.I am not that kinda guy to go behind and ask for the money.So now I have completely forgotten his existence itself.
[b]
Isn't it better to lose friendship without lending the money rather than losing friendship after lending the money?[/b]
4 people like this
35 responses
@yugasini (12893)
• Secunderabad, India
19 Aug 12
hi krupesh,
after long time i am seeing you in mylot discussion, you may remember me or not,but i have remember you, when lending money to friendship, we have to assume that money will not come back to us, so think before you are lending money to any friends,lending money will lead ,we can loose both money and friendship or any one,have a nice day.
2 people like this
@yugasini (12893)
• Secunderabad, India
20 Aug 12
hi krupesh,
thanks for the response, i too have brought money with daily interest and lend the money to my close friend when he is in need of money,now 5 years are over,till he has not paid money,i know his position,so i have not pressurised him about my money, i think that if my money is strong,i will get my money,have a nice day.
@krupesh (2608)
• India
20 Aug 12
hi Yugasini!
Hey how can I forget my fellow mylotters?yes what you say is right...lending the money to a friend is as good as forgetting the money...haha...
@krupesh (2608)
• India
20 Aug 12
yes thats exactly what is hurting me still now...now a days he is avoiding the common hang outs , functions of common friends
@GardenGerty (160626)
• United States
19 Aug 12
It sounds like an expensive but wise lesson. I do not have money to lose so I do not lend it either. A friendship that depends on someone to loan money is probably not much of a friendship at all.
2 people like this
@krupesh (2608)
• India
20 Aug 12
it should be always mutual... usually we chose friends according to our own comfortabality and standards...you never know when you need money...so once you lend the money to him when he is in need and when you have the requirement you ask him is my policy...but this guy doesn't even bother to talk to me
@RawBill1 (8531)
• Gold Coast, Australia
19 Aug 12
This happened to me when I was younger as well. I let myself be taken advantage of by two brothers. One who borrowed some stuff off me and never returned it, the other who borrowed money off me and kept promising to pay me back, but it just never happened. 
These were lessons that at a young age I think I needed to learn in order to choose a better quality of friend. 
These were lessons that at a young age I think I needed to learn in order to choose a better quality of friend. @krupesh (2608)
• India
20 Aug 12
lending money to family members and friends is one and the same I think...you cant fight and you cant force
@vandana7 (100249)
• India
19 Aug 12
hi krupesh..you never know, some are honest, some are not. Dad has a friend. He wanted some monies. Dad gave, boy was I mad..I mean I simply couldnt afford to take a risk back then. So I insisted we charge very high interest. That gentleman still took it. And paid. Later on he borrowed again, again we gave, again he defaulted. But eventually, his daughter repaid every naya paisa of it. I am glad I have come across people like that.
1 person likes this
@krupesh (2608)
• India
20 Aug 12
Hi Vandana,
Oops! so you are into financing as well that too at a very high interest...lolz... in my case my friend doesn't have a daughter
@vandana7 (100249)
• India
20 Aug 12
No..it was to dissuade the person, saying I have to borrow from elsewhere, which I had to by the way..:)
He needed it to buy properties..so fair enough. Dont you think?
I think interest is justified if
a. I am incurring from elsewhere
b. I am able to earn from elsewhere and it is important part of my finances for survival
c. I could use the money for fulfilling one of my desires but had to forego because this person asked it, and his need was more immediate and essential. In such a case interest asked should be equivalent to the escalated price of the desire forgone.
In any event, I am not rich, so not into financing that heavily. Minor amounts loaned to friends. Generally any amount under 10000 only is given and no interest is charged. If the friend does not return, next time I have no hesitation is saying no. In this case, it was substantial, and if it was not because of dad's promise, I would not have mortgaged my property to borrow. Naturally, reimbursement was due to cover at least the rate at which I borrowed. :) 18 percent.
@coelenterata (188)
• Indonesia
19 Aug 12
in my opinion if i can i really do not want to lose a friend let alone close or best friend because of money.but if it is like in your case,i would prefer lose friend without lending the money
@krupesh (2608)
• India
19 Aug 12
leave the money but what about not picking my calls? it hurts a lot when once we both were that close
@coelenterata (188)
• Indonesia
19 Aug 12
yes i understand your feeling because severlal times i had a problem with my friends because of money too like you.maybe he shy with you because he does not have money to return it from you or maybe he is cheating your money.we wil not know the answer until he explained
1 person likes this
@krupesh (2608)
• India
19 Aug 12
I know that he doesn't have the money to return but atleast should show some courage to talk to me
@derek_a (10874)
•
20 Aug 12
I learned way back in my teens that lending money was a big problem. I would now say to friends, that I would prefer to keep their friendship rather than lend them money. That I would never borrow either, because unless I absolutely knew 100% that I would be able to get the money back to them immediately, I couldn't borrow. And as I cannot 100% know the future, then borrowing is not an option for me. So when I say that I cannot afford to lend money, it is because I cannot really afford to lose friends that I have chosen. 
_Derek
_Derek1 person likes this
@krupesh (2608)
• India
20 Aug 12
...but if they are behind your money then its better to lose them instead of your money
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
20 Aug 12
hi krupesh no not for me as I hate to lose good friends for either
reason. I rarely lend money unless I can afford not to have it
paid back. usually I am the one needing help but I will never
presume on my friends to borrow money . I will find other wa ys
to make what I need just like my lotting, my mylot earnings hel;p me pay my cable internet bill. I live by this motto. neither a borrower or a lender be as it jhust loses friends.If I can afford to give the money as a gift that is what I do. I do notexpect
'it back.
1 person likes this
@pahak627 (4558)
• Philippines
20 Aug 12
Yes, I agree with you it's better to lose friendship other than what you experienced. I have several experience for this. Although I still talk with those whom I lent money and haven't paid despite the years that passed but deep inside, I wish they just ignored me. I don't want to snob them I still befriended them but there is already a big gap.
1 person likes this
@krupesh (2608)
• India
20 Aug 12
ofcourse it cant be the same again...money comes and goes and its not all
@jkct02 (2874)
• Kota Kinabalu, Malaysia
20 Aug 12
If you had known that your friend would not repay the money you were going to lend to him, I am sure you would not have lent to him. So the matter lies in whether you know before you make the decision to lend. Since it is unlikely that we could know what will happen in the future, it is not a factor for our consideration.
So the decision to lend or not is based on the level of your friendship. If you know that your friend will not pay back, obviously you won't lend to him. If you know that your friend will pay, then it is easy. But if you know that your so called 'friend' is someone who won't pay back what he borrowed from you, do you still consider him as a friend, let alone a closed one?
My conclusion is, I will lend to my friends if it is a sum that I can afford. If my friends pay me back, fine. If my friends don't pay me back, then they are no longer my friends. But when they are in need and that I can afford, I will lend. That is what a friend for. But I won't be taken advantage for a second time.
1 person likes this
@krupesh (2608)
• India
20 Aug 12
obviously I would have lent him the second time too if he really showed face to me and spoke to me instead of avoiding me...we are childhood friends and still consider him close to me...eventhough I try to forget him I am unable to..
@jkct02 (2874)
• Kota Kinabalu, Malaysia
20 Aug 12
If you still consider your 'friend' a friend, then you may give your friend the allowance that your friend might have found that it was embarrassing for him to have to default on the promise to pay, and so your friend is now finding ways to pay you back the money. The scenario could really be that way - we never know. Just wait patiently and hope that your friendship could stand firm in the face of the economy reality that has put it to test.
@prashu228 (37524)
• India
20 Aug 12
hi,
i faced such situation two times, the worst is, after avoiding me few times, they stopped talking to me ,even if, they come across me suddenly, they just don't see me and behave as if they don't know me, all this because, they have to return me a small amount of money, i asked them few times, but they didn't give me, last thing they are doing is avoiding me. I feel that is also good for me, at least i came to know about such people, i lost only some hundreds, which i can earn in few days, but they lost a valuable/precious friend like me, whom they are not going to get in their life time. thanks for the good topic.
1 person likes this
@krupesh (2608)
• India
20 Aug 12
yes Prashu...the times are changing , the people are changing...you can just see selfishness hidden deep inside...they turn their back after their work is over...very hard to understand people..
@Juliyan23 (600)
• Indonesia
20 Aug 12
my grandma ever said to me, that if your friends borrow some money from you just tell them that you don't have enough money to lend some for them. But you do have some money as a gift for them even it isn't enough as they need. If they want to return it back, just say to them that they are allowed to return it back if only they have reached their success and achievement.
1 person likes this
@shengjie331 (45)
• China
20 Aug 12
I am very sorry to hear your story.it is very unfair that you have a good heart to lead money to help your friend,but you have not good rewards.Please dont sad,the good are well rewards and bad are punished.you have a heart of gold.God blees you!
1 person likes this
@krupesh (2608)
• India
20 Aug 12
thanks a lot shengjie, but I have learnt a lot now ...one should only help when they really are need of money that badly...orelse a big no..
@inoshaara (8)
• Sri Lanka
20 Aug 12
hi i have to face the other side of your case.one of my friend gave me some money two years ago.he told me please invest this money in stock market.becasue i know how to trade in stock market.but i told him this is a risk thing to invest in stocks.but he ask me again and again.then i agree him and i invest his money in stocks.he is a rich guy.but sad things happen.as a result of globel economy cries our stock market went down.in that time my friend came to me and ask his money.i told him please wait few months until market grow up.but he refuse to listen me and ask his money.i i havent to do anything.so i sell my part of land and gave his money.see what happen to me...
@krupesh (2608)
• India
21 Aug 12
..but in whose name did you trade?If its in your name its your mistake...and the tip to trade is to not buy at once with all the money you have....you have to average it if the stock is going down...
@chiyosan (30184)
• Philippines
19 Aug 12
If i have money to spare, i would not mind letting a friend borrow money. I mean if it is really something i can do then why not.. i will not think first if he or she has no intention of paying me back and then lose the friendship. mine is in good faith and with all respect to my friend who might just be needing it and gets turned down. =( I hate to not trust a friend...
1 person likes this
@krupesh (2608)
• India
19 Aug 12
hey its ok if he doesn't return the money...but atleast he should have the courtesy to talk to me nah? Now if he really is in trouble I will definitely not help him once again...I value friendship more than the money
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
19 Aug 12
This is the main reason why money matters shouldn't cross between two good friends. I don't know, perhaps there's something about money (the need of it) that causes friends to be strangers.
At one point in time, my friends and I were thinking of a business partnership. However, eventually we didn't push through because we decided that our friendship is better.
I think it's your friend's fault if he broke the friendship because of money. You were merely trying to help, he shouldn't have reacted that way.
I never lend money to people (well, I don't have money in the first place) and when there's really a need for it, I only lend the amount that I'm ready to lose.
Have a great Mylot experience ahead!
1 person likes this
@krupesh (2608)
• India
19 Aug 12
I have one instance of starting a business in partnership with one of my friends and at the end it was just a case of parting ways...hehe
@krupesh (2608)
• India
19 Aug 12
yes you are right...as long as money is kept away from friendship , the friendship lasts longer...
@namiya (1718)
• Philippines
19 Aug 12
hi krupesh. It's really depressing if friendship is sacrificed for money. And it hurts more if you found out that a friend has only been using you to get out of a mess and worst you found yourself in a tight spot because of your intention to help. this is what happened to me and I was constrained to settle what i had guaranteed in her behalf so as not to destroy my name and credibility.
1 person likes this
@krupesh (2608)
• India
19 Aug 12
now I am totally disgusted to talk about that guy...its always better to donate to a charity than lending money to a friend and losing friendship
@flapiz (23148)
• United Kingdom
19 Aug 12
Well I guess you are somewhat right. As when you lend someone money you give him your full trust, and therefore if he values that trust he will return what he owed as promised. So if he doesn't pay back it hurts you twice. You will lose your trust and you will also lose your money.
1 person likes this
@krupesh (2608)
• India
19 Aug 12
yes once you lose the trust you never can be trusted again and now circle of friends know about this incident and no one will help him again...
@krupesh (2608)
• India
19 Aug 12
if it was someone else it would have been a different story...as he was very close to me I dont want to fight with him even though I have the capacity to get back my money from him..
