Is my daughter emotionallydisturbed or just a normal girl,Should I buy her love?
@tangleddreams84 (581)
United States
August 19, 2012 3:04pm CST
I have been told that my mother says my daughter is just a normal nine year old girl even though she has been diagnosed as emotionally disturbed. She cried abuse to my mother because she was abusing me and she still couldn't get what she wanted since we are low-income and unable to get her everything she wants but just provide for the needs and holiday special gift here or there. I dedicated my life the past two years to quit work and be a stay at home mom essentially because she needed it and she also has a two year old sister. I could have put my daughters in daycare and work but it was such a strained relationship especially with my mother pulling us apart every chance she got. I wanted so much to have a happy home and have my daughters integrated and loving. It was such an obstacle since my mother was being so negative telling my daughter she could live with her and she didn't need me to be her mother since I was lazy not getting a job and so I was a bad mother but she could do a better job and buy her everything she wanted. I want this all to go good but she is with my mother due to the courts placing her there in foster care with my mother as kinship due to my daughter running away when she had a bad day and crying abuse. I know I can't buy my daughters love but what is there to do? I feel like I have lost to my mother because she is rich.
4 people like this
8 responses
@celticeagle (166976)
• Boise, Idaho
20 Aug 12
I think, and excuse me for saying this, but your mother is the one that is disturbed. Any mother that would say those things is not a good mother. Your daughter needs family therapy and some strict bringing up. Its not easy bringing up kids with emotional problems.
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
20 Aug 12
celtic does she not need to get a lawyer to fight for her side as I belive it co uld be reversed and get her da u ghter into mental
health help now,cannot they see the mother for being disturbed and manipulative?
@marguicha (223019)
• Chile
21 Aug 12
I think it´s a shame that there is no adult in charge with enough knowledge to see that the grandma should be taken away and the child made to understand some facts of life. It sounds like a very ill society
.
.
@Rxpertsven (82)
• Philippines
20 Aug 12
im not yet a mother to reach the stage,but as a child once. i want my mother to buy me something that i really wanted. i wanted it to be her. i'm not saying that you have to be superwoman to obtain that. but i want my mother to work for herself so she can buy me these things.maybe that is the attention i need. but kids felt happy if their real moms would buy something for them. we're not that rich too but when i saw my mother bought me the thing that is impossible to be bought, i would deduced that she must have worked hard for this and I eventually treasure the thing that she gave me. i hope you can cope up with your daughter. prove your mom that you are mom enough to handle your kid, that you are strong. God bless you with your problem.
2 people like this
@tangleddreams84 (581)
• United States
22 Aug 12
Thank you for your comment. Your comment really touched me.I have given her a keepsake box to keep her special things and I'm going to personally make her one bigger and keep giving her new little things she would like. Thank you for the idea, if you have anymore feel free to.
@rogue13xmen13 (14403)
• United States
20 Aug 12
This is an odd situation. You understand this, right? I think that your daughter might be emotionally disturbed, but it really is hard to tell.
It seems to me like she is being manipulated by your mother, but it's hard to tell if that is the case as well?
It's really hard to tell who is at fault here because it's just a bad situation all around.
You really can't buy your daughter's love, and you could try to talk to her, but I don't know if she is at an age where she will really understand what is going on. If you want to try to buy her love, then you can, but again, I don't think that anything you buy her will change this situation.
To me, it seems like your daughter is being manipulated, and that there is the possibility that she might be emotionally disturbed, but again, nothing against you, I only have your side of the story, and if I had your daughter's side and your mother's side, then I, and maybe others on here, could get a better understanding of what is going on. I don't think you abused her, and I don't want to say that finances are the reason for this because I know plenty of people who don't have that much money, and have kids and they get to keep their kids as long as they can prove that they have a home, a safe environment, a place for them to sleep, and food for them to eat. This is just a really bad situation.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
20 Aug 12
Your mother is the emotionally d isturbed one and you need to get a lawyer on your side to fight the rights to h ave your sick child
evaluated and tried for mentally disturbed. you need to get the
law on your side and make them see your mom is bad for y our child.do not just give up as there must be som ething that can be done to get fair play for you and that disturbed child of yours,. fight for her. 
@marguicha (223019)
• Chile
21 Aug 12
I completly agree with you. Is there such a thing as free social workers or lawyers in the US for the people who cannot pay? In my time (Blessed golden age!) if a child ran away in a tantrum, he deserved a good spanking.
.@tangleddreams84 (581)
• United States
22 Aug 12
They are saying her bad behavior is because of the abuse. In other words, they are twisting everything. I have my "free" lawyer but don't think she is doing her best. I have just met the parent advocate yesterday working with the fostercare agency and she has had her kids through the system as well, I'm hoping I get help with her once I tell her my story. Thank you for your time and commenting, Happy myLotting!!
@Cutie18f (9551)
• Philippines
20 Aug 12
Your daughter needs love and attention. Talk to her and explain the real situation. She cannot just loosely use the word abuse because I know how heavy that word means in your country. You have to try to connect with your daughter by talking to her and explaining things. She is already nine years old, I am sure she will start to understand.
@tangleddreams84 (581)
• United States
20 Aug 12
The problem is I'm not allowed to talk to her for legal reasons. Only things I can tell her is to be honest and say everything is on your mind to whomever asks and she won't get in trouble. The problem is she threatens me and abuses me until I give her what she wants. She doesn't have to do that with my mother. My mother is rich and I'm low income so she can give her all the things she asks. I cannot and I even sacrificed stuff so I can be a stay at home mom to take care of her through this. My mother spoils her and doesn't discipline. My mother has her now and my daughter told me at visitation that she was not allowed to use her videogame all day like before because of ME! I was shocked and asked why since I had no control what my mother did at her home. She said "Oh yes, they give me a time limit now and it's cause of you". I changed the subject after that, I didn't want her to have an episode and I had made my point that it wasn't my choice. My mother is poisoning her and its crazy how they allow her to stay in her home and not in a longterm medical facility to see what is going on in her brain and for further observation. Thank you for your comment.
1 person likes this
@rogue13xmen13 (14403)
• United States
20 Aug 12
Okay, now that I have a little bit more to go on, I have a better understanding of what is going on.
It sounds like your daughter is being manipulated, and in this case, I agree with giftsandbagscom, you have to leave her where she is. You have to move on. Go back to work, check in on her every now and then, and just hope that one day she'll miss you and want you back.
I am so thankful that my mother, grandmother, and me all lived together. Then again, women in my family always live together, or they live very close to each other, and we made a vow never to dictate how we raise our children, unless it really is an abuse situation. I am sorry that you have to go through this, but just try to hold it together.
1 person likes this
@BabyCheetah (1911)
• Australia
20 Aug 12
There has to be some way to make a complaint against your mother for manipulating the situation. I don't understand how they can take your daughter away from you with no evidence that there is abuse going on. How can they go on the word of a child? A lot of children lie about these sorts of things. If they are going to take her away from you she should go to a foster family not related and then they can see what she is like and make a judgement if there was any abuse going on.
Or other option is you should try and push for your daugher to see a councillor. I wouldn't see it as emotionally disturbed, I'd see it as being manipulated into being a spoiled brat by your mother
@TheCatLady (4691)
• Israel
23 Aug 12
Kids are actually happier when parents don't spoil them. I remember seeing a mother with 3 little kids. The mother bought the older two a small chocolate coin as a treat. Boy were they happy. A tiny chocolate coin was wall it took. The baby had it's bottle and didn't care. The kids not being spoiled were so well behaved and so grateful for the small treat from their mother.
@marguicha (223019)
• Chile
21 Aug 12
Your daughter needs your love. Maybe you should try to explain the problem to the social worker. Love has nothing to do with giving her material things. Why does she say she has been abused? How old is she?
@tangleddreams84 (581)
• United States
22 Aug 12
She is nine. I have been telling her since she has been hitting me and not listening that I would send her to a hospital or bootcamp and there was nothing her grandmother could do. It was my decision as her mother and it was up to her to behave so that it wouldn't happened. My mother is malicious and fed her the story to cry abuse.
