Would you send a birthday card?

I would send your son's soon to be ex-wife a birthday card. Send a nice card and wish her a happy birthday! I see nothing wrong with it! She is the mother of your grandkids and you probaly will be seeing her from time to time if she brings the grandkids over to see you. Its the thought that counts!

It all depends on your relationship you two have Without your son. If you will always see her as your friend , then send the card. But.. if you were just being polite because she is your son's wife , don't send the card.

Hi jillhill, why not? I mean, the divorce is between your son and his soon to be ex-wife, not you and your son and his ex-wife so why not send her a card? It's ok to be cordial with her and besides, she's the mother of your grandchildren so it's best to keep things on the good side with her. How she takes it is up to her.

I would send a card as you would normally. It's still her birthday and you're still friends. There's nothing to be gained by pushing her away. At the end of the day, your son will benefit from a friendly relationship with her in the long term. I'm uncertain about the money thing though. I'm assuming they're your son's kids? Or at the very least that you've been 'acting grandmum' during the marriage? In which case I'd include the money along with a note explaining that it's for the kids or whatever you normally do. Why would what has changed between your son and his wife alter your relationship with the children? The kids probably need stability more now than ever.

I guess if you want to stay close to her you should. I don't know if I would, I'd probably have a lot of resentment and anger towards the situation. My brother's longtime girlfriend broke up with him awhile back right while he started having some serious medical (heart) problems. Turns out she'd been seeing someone else. She put my brother through all sorts of heck, and pretty much still is. He's on disability now because of his heart problems, yet she wants him to pay $650 a month child support, and in the meantime she's getting tattoos and claiming she can't afford to buy their son any back to school clothes. My brother has been going without his meds so that he could pay child support and feed their son on the days he has him. He's been hospitalized twice in the past 2 months for not taking his meds that he can't afford, but when he tried to pay her only $500 she called child support and now they're threatening to put him in jail! I've seen her once or twice at the stores, but didn't say anything to her and she didn't bother to say anything to me. Not that I expect she would.. what's she going to say? Sorry I'm being a b*tch to your dying brother?

It's a good thing to do, sending her a birthday card, will show her that you still manage to have good relatioship with her. I know she will happy if you do so. You con't have to including money, she is an adult not a kids who wish for cash on every birthday.

If you want to remain friendly and they have kids, I would definitely send a card. Am sure it's not easy but keeping in touch with the kids would be something I would want to do forever. I can see where it could be a touchy situation. Good luck, Jill.

I would do everything as I've always done. Their marriage may be history, but as the mother of your grand kids, she'll be a member of your family forever.

You're certainly nice. Definitely don't send her any money, that's for sure. Shoot, I don't know. But you know what? She's more likely to let you guys have a good relationship with your grandkids if you do something nice like that, so yes, I say send her a card. It can't do anything but help.

well, since she is the mother of your grandchildren, i sure would want to keep on friendly terms with her so i think a card would be a nice gesture.

Yes I would she's been part of the family before and even they got a divorce they are still the mother of your grand children still she's been in the family. Great her what ever ways is truly nice gift for a birthday.

Since your son is so upset by the idea, you really need to take your cues from him. Unless your son is horribly at fault in the divorce, you need to be on his side in this. If she is a decent person, hasn't done horrible things to your son, and you really do want to stay on friendly terms with her, wishing her Happy Birthday via an e-card would be fine. I'd skip FB, though; I think that might be a tad odd given the current situation and the rather public nature of that site. While she's not your ex, the entire being connected to her own FB is something that might not last past October, either; being connected to exes, or your children's exes, is sort of an iffy proposition in most cases.

I would send her a card and gift as you would have done. It s good to remain friendly especially when children are involved. Trust me on this one! I have kept on very good terms with my son's ex but I do not discuss my son or his family to her. My son insisted that she was not to be disrespected as she is the mother of his daughter. The famil,y complied and relations are good even though initially I wanted to maim her for the hurt she caused my son keep it all civilised. So much better for everyone all around , I found. I also have great access to see my eldest granddaughter and this makes me happy blessings

Any way, it is not happend all of a suddent and both the parties are agreed upon this matter. It is after their will, desire and understaning that they can't live together for any more. As this is the background, there is no pain behind it and based on all these, I think you can send a mail for the wish. If some inappropriate happens suddently, this could have been avoided. Here, it is quite normal that they both are prepared for it and they may seems to be normal and I think both will celebrate their independence, and you can forward the b'day wishes also in whatever form you prefers.

I would especially if you want to stay on good terms with her after the divorce. My cousin and his ex-wife just got divorced and I have a good relationship with both of them. My entire family still keeps in contact with her and they really had a clean break and simple divorce. We all still exchange the same cards, gifts, ect as always, just send them to different addresses.

I guess its okay to send a birthday card...I mean, she was part of your family before right?

Sure send the card. You mentioned you want to stay on friendly terms so you must have a decent relationship with her. Of course, I just wouldn't talk with her about the divorce, now or later. That might create problems which you don't want. You were friends with her before, it's always nice to be friends in the future. Hopefully, no problems will come up and they will be civil to each other..you know how that goes. As far as the money, no, I don't think I would do that. Sending a card will at least let her know you still like her and want to stay on the friendly side. That's what I would do anyways.

I would send her a card, though make it less personal or add comments less personal than you may have in the past. There was a time when she was an important part of the family and as you mentioned, you have some personal feelings as well. Life is short and even the break up of your son's marriage should not give you pause to miss a chance to be kind/warm to a friend. Go ahead, make her day.

If the two of you have a good relationship, then send the card. Just because they're getting divorced doesn't mean you still can't be friendly to her. If you guys don't really have a good relationship, then don't send the card

I don't see anything with it. She will only cease to be your son's wife; but she won't be stopping to be the mother of your grandkids. You still know her despite the divorce right, and that is a matter between her and your son only. There's nothing strange in wishing someone a happy birthday.