The relationship between mother and daughter-in-law

hey arielqiao, i read your situationa and i like ow namiya deal with her mother in law and i totally agree with kalav 56 about what he has replied you. It's something really comon normally mother over rule by saying she is more experienced even though they could be wrong sometimes. What i suggest you is that you ask your brother either to talk his mom or his wife in private and encourage that they on their hand let it go, avoid he shouldn't support any of them because if he get along with his mom more it will be unfair with the girl he married to because he is the only one she believe belongs to him secondly if he get one sided with his wife that will be wrong too because he owe alot to his mom too, so in short he better stay out of it, by that way he can focus more on his work.

Well, in this case, your brother should be the wise one and know when and what to say stuff because this is crucial as both your mother and sister in law would turn to him for support at the same time during arguments. This kind of this cannot be avoided and the only way to make peace is to each give way to each other and tolerate :) good luck

This is a very difficult situation for a man; no one can be supported and he would be in a dilemma.However, if he is quite close to his mother he can tell her in private to let the daughter-in-law be.Why don't you tell your mother to understand the brother’s situation and ask her to keep quiet? If the daughter-in-law troubles the husband also it is very difficult for a mother.And your brother would need a bit of help.If not, she should learn to turn a deaf ear to her bringing up the child.It is a sensitive issue and the new mother would not like it too much if the grandmother goes too strong in her views. The ideal situation would be for the two women to manage to get along.

Well, this is the story in many of the Indian families as well. In fact, I have heard that this thing exists in western world too. However, in western cultures, a woman and her mother-in-law meet only occasionally, and do not live together for more than say 20 or 25 days in a year. So, the potential for conflicts is much lesser. However, if they have to live together all days in a year, differences and conflicts are much more likely. Worst, they put their common link- i.e the married man in a bind at times. The fact that they do not compromise also aggravates the situation. At times, people have to separate out because of this. However, if you try, sit together and talk, things could be sorted out too. Yet, some compromises are required.

There will always be disagreements between parents in law and the daughter or son in law. It is difficult to be caught in between. During these times, taking sided is not a wise idea although both parties would expect you to side either one of them. Much better if the 3 of you sit down and talk things over.

Well, whether you like it or not its your second mother now because she's your husband mom. I have to respect her and love her even if she doesn't like me. It was very difficult for me to adjust in the beginning because we live with them before I gave birth to my first child, we are not free to move or do whatever we want to do especially that my husband doesn't have work yet. Thanks God, i was able to find a job and now we live separately & do whatever we want to do.

On this situation, it is the man who faces more difficulties when things went wrong. Here in our country, it's not a tradition. It depends on the mother-in law if she wants to stay with the daughter -in law and help with the new born baby. Mostly, it's the wife's mother whom the wife chooses to be with. Sometimes, the wife called her mother before she gives birth, or the wife go back home to her mom to give birth- this is the common scene when a woman gives birth.

I live in the US, and I am Japanese. My sister is married to a Chinese/Vietnamese man, and what you described is something she will have to deal with if they ever have a child. My brother in law always stands by my sister - knowing my sister, she would not stand for a man who is wishy washy on who's side to take. On the other hand, he knows he needs to take care of his parents for the rest of his life. So they have a house . . . but the parents live in a separate unit - they don't live together in the same structure, but at least they are only steps away from each other. My brother in law knows he cannot live with his mother being there because all they do is fight . . . but living in a separate unit is manageable. His mother has told them to hurry up and have a child so SHE can take care of it . .. but I know they are not in any hurry - ha ha. My sister is strong, and I know she will not have a mother-in-law (especially hers) taking care of her child. But if she lives in their backyard, I am certain the mother-in-law would find reason to come see the grandchild at all possible times - it's just a walk away. And I don't know that my sister could just say no . . . it isn't that easy . . . I just don't know how that will work. Me, I'm glad we had our space to take care of our baby alone without having to deal with that (it was nice that the inlaws just only visited every now and then!).

This mother in law vs daughter in law discord is common everywhere. I've been in a similar situation with my eldest son who happens to be the first grandchild in my husband's side hence expect a lavish attention from my in-laws most particularly from my mother-in-law. It was really a difficult situation for i could not decide what's right for my son for she has the final say claiming she's experienced than i am. knowing that my husband is torn between us, i let her decision overrule mine most of the time for i know she also wants the best for my son.

I always believe that in a kingdom, there can be only one king and queen. Issues and conflicts with in laws are bound to happen if they all live together under one roof. I know that nobody wants this and that both sides only want what's best for the family, but unless there is a compromise reached, conflicts will occur. It is a very difficult problem that even non-Chinese families face, as long as they all live together. I don't know if this is something that. An be overlooked as a tradition depending on the people involved. But for me, I am glad that my husband and I live just by ourselves.

In most Asian countries to the best of knowledge parents live with their sons and daughter-in-laws. The key is the proper understanding between a mother and a daughter-in-law that makes the relationship going well. However, it is just not possible to agree on everything for them both. The best solution can be trying to learn to disagree and accept it in a peaceful and understanding way to resolve issues.