My daughter told me a huge lie! : (
By krupar5
@krupar5 (287)
United States
September 9, 2012 12:26am CST
hello friends, m
This is going to be long so thank you if you take the time to read it.
These last couple of weeks have been a strain on my relationship with my teenage daughter. My daughter and I have always had a very open and honest relationship. We have discussed everything and anything that she wants. Recently, I found out that she lied to me, and I am so upset and disappointed.
I willl start by letting you know that I allowed her to have a facebook account with the knowledge that I have the password and can check it anytimt I would like. She also has a cell phone and an Ipod touch that at any given time I can take and check. I used to frequently check them,but to give her some privacy and let her know I was trusting her, I have not checked it as often as before. I probably was checking only about 2 or 3 times a week instead of everyday several times a day. She had never asked me not to check it and so I figured that I would show that I trusted her more by not checking as often. Hert dad and I are divorced he also can randomly check them as he pleases. Well here goes.
Last week she was with her dad and she had been feeling sick, so he left her at home with her grandparents so they can keep an eye on her while he went to work. Normally she would be home by herself. Anyways her grandpap went to check on her and did not realize that she was in the bathroom, so he walked into her room and saw that she was on facebook. He noticed that the person she was talking to was being very explicit and asking her what color panties she had and more! Needless to say her grandpap left her room and pretended he did not see anyrthing until her dad came home. He told her dad as soon as he was home from work. My daughter did not know that her grandpap knew that she was talking to this person so when her dad came home and asked for her laptop she had no choice to hand it over.Apparently the man she was talking to is an adult! She is only 15!! Well her dad was able to read the conversation and the man knew she was 15 because she told him. The worst part was that she responded to what he asked her.So that is the background for the question I have.
I found out she lied to us because when we asked if she had ever sexted or spoke to this person before like this she denied it. She also had talked to him before late at ni8ght when she was suopposed to be sleeping. We went through all her facebook mssages and saw that they have done this before. He also offered to send her a picture of himself if she would do the same in their birthday suit! Thank goodness she did not do that.
Anyways my question to you all is what would you do? How can I trust her or show her how to earn my trust back? We have taken everything away from her and have changed her facebook, e-mail and twitter passwords so she cannot access them. We also have blocked the guy's number from her phone and deleted his number. Withthat being said any suggestions would be most helpful.Thanks again for taking the time to read this.
1 person likes this
3 responses
@deebomb (15304)
• United States
19 Sep 12
Hello krupar and welcome to myLot. Having raised two girls of my own and one granddaughter I know where you are coming from. To begin with teenage girls will lie and go about some things behind your back at some time. They really don't believe any thing will happen to them. I think you did the right thing by removing all her electronics. Now I would be sure to contact the police because this creep may be doing the same thing to other young girls. They have people that go after these internet predators and do prosecute them. He needs to be stopped before he hurts another girl or your daughter figures out another way to contact him and goes to meet him. Only if and when your daughter cooperates about finding this man then I might consider letting her have the cell phone back. and I did say might consider it. It would take a long time to gain my trust again.
@krupar5 (287)
• United States
20 Sep 12
Thank you for responding! I did give my daughter her phone back because she does sports and takes public transportation to go to school. We told her that we can check her phone calls on the computer so she knows that any call she makes we will know.
We did contact the police and they are investigating. The good thing is that he was in a different state so chances are he will not be able to try and meet my daughter.
Lastly, I know teens will lie and do things that I will not like, it just hurts that this could have been really dangerous. We have talked a lot and she is now more informed of the consequences. I do not think that she realized the extent of the possible dangers.
1 person likes this
@nidakhan001 (305)
•
9 Sep 12
hey krupar, i read what your daughter ]did but i guess u did a little mistake too, when you used to check her account haven't you ever checked her mails? Besides if you will get more rude with her she may think like your not giving her independence so i suggest give her the stuff back with a promise that she wont get along with such guys again, talk to your daughter that your trusted her and she is ruining it besides adult guys just xploit things they has nothing to do than just exploit her. She needs a friend in your form try to9 guid her more don't be so guy hating creature, talk about guys too so she will feel friendly with you.
@krupar5 (287)
• United States
20 Sep 12
I had considered giving her some privacy that is why I do not check everything she has. I was trying to let her know that I trusted her and that was my fault. I did not want to check everything she was doing because then she would have felt that I did not trust her. I agree that I was not vigilant enough to check enough, but it is difficult to be a parent.
I have a good relationship with her and have discussed boys and the dangers. I also am not a guy hating person. I try to teach her and guide her the best I can. It is difficult.
@caopaopao (12395)
• China
9 Sep 12
Don't worry so much, Krupar. A teengage girl wants to try many things she doesn't know and maybe she thinks that will be stimalating. She didn't tell you as she knew what she did was not right, she might realize that you would not allow her to do that, so she lied. But she is so young that she can't tell who is good or bad online, some bad person will take this chance to do something evil. I think you had better tell her about it. A heart to heart talk is helpful, I think. Don't blame her so much. She just didn't realize what would happen. It's right that you block that guy's number from her phone.
But the most important thing is that you must make her feel that you love her, you may let her have her facebook, e-mail or something like that, just make sure she won't contact the strangers like that guy. Keeping a good realtionship with her will be easier for you.
@krupar5 (287)
• United States
9 Sep 12
Thank you for responding! I agree that I still want to keep an open relationship with her, but I am still so hurt. I know she did a really stupid thing by sexting a man and what makes me so sad is that we have discussed the predators lurking online. We even have watched several movies of young teens and sexting. I am considering to allow her to have her e-mail back but to open a new one. I do not know about facebook yet maybe in time.
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