Kind of Annoyed
By ladym33
@ladym33 (10979)
United States
September 15, 2012 1:58pm CST
I don't get to see my husband very often anymore. He works a lot because they are short handed and he is the only one at his company who knows how to do what he does. He has also been dealing with his grandmother a lot lately, and he also has season tickets to a college football team so what free time he has had lately which is hardly any he goes to the football games, they tail gate ahead of time and it is about an hour away so it is an all day or all night thing when when they go. I know my husband has a lot of stress and he needs his down time and I am actually happy that the games provide him some fun and relaxation as he needs to de-stress.
I am annoyed today however. Tonight is the night my husband is supposed to take me out for my birthday, since this is one night out of the 2 maybe 3 a year we get to go out on a date with each other I was really looking forward to our evening together. I was hoping for dinner and then maybe some Kareoke or something or maybe a movie afterwards. I knew there was a football gave today and for some reason I had the impression he would be home by 6:00 which would give us a nice amount of time. He told me last night that he would not be home until 8:00. So we can not leave for the restaurant until 8:00. What kind of dinner is that. I am going to be starving by 8:00 and ready to take someone's head off. What really frustrates me is that I am playing second fiddle to football game on a night that is supposed to be special for me. Like I said I hardly see my husband at all anymore and this was supposed to be a special night. He goes to these football games all the time. I just wish for once that he would have made me a priority for a change. Yes, I know he works hard for the kids and I, I just wanted to have a special evening with him, not one where I am going to be overly hungry, eating later than I am used to and probably yawning before dessert even comes. I am sure we will still have a nice time. Am I being irrational?
6 responses
@GardenGerty (160998)
• United States
15 Sep 12
I would be annoyed as well. It seems that you have to absolutely spell out your expectations if you hope they will be met. For you that would have been telling him, loud and clear, that this weekend you expected to come first. I do not do this well myself. I will admit, even when I do I feel like I do not get listened to. So, I guess in your shoes I would have a lovely snack at the time I needed to eat. I know that is important because of your diabetes. Then I would just make up my mind to enjoy the evening, because obviously it is not going to be hime making sure you have fun.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (160998)
• United States
15 Sep 12
And you are missing him a lot because he is working so much. It never seems to all even out, does it?
@ladym33 (10979)
• United States
15 Sep 12
I tried to tell him I felt like I was playing second fiddle to a football game last night, when he told me about the 8:00 thing, this was at about 10:30 at night. His response to me was he was doing the best he could do and there was nothing he could do about it. I told him if it were me I would leave the football game early. He responded that he does not drive that all the guys go in one car and he was starting to get testy so I just let it drop, I wanted to say he could take his own car just this once. If it was me and it was between him and game I would have chosen him. He usually spends the whole day with my on my birthdays now I get 2 hours maybe 3? I guess I am just spoiled from past birthdays.
1 person likes this
@hmkoct5 (2065)
• United States
21 Sep 12
No, you're not being irrational. I would be super mad too. I would probably just tell him to forget the whole thing and I would be pouting for days! You deserve to be put first once in a while (everybody does). His life is stressful, but so is yours, and if your birthday is only one of three times you can go out in a year, it needs to be priority! I hope it all worked out for you in the end.
1 person likes this
@ladym33 (10979)
• United States
21 Sep 12
That would have really upset me too, and it would have got me started thinking too. Luckily my husband is not that bad, he tries really hard to please everyone and take care of everyone all the time, all while working a billion hours. I understand that the rest of the year, it is just on my birthday I want to be the priority, every other day of the year he can do what he wants or rather needs to do.
@hmkoct5 (2065)
• United States
21 Sep 12
This reminds me of a story about me and my ex. It was my birthday and I really wanted to go dancing with my husband. My friend and I had made plans for a double date. She was bringing a guy she knew and I was going to bring my husband (after all, he went dancing all the time with his friends... it should be a no-brainer to go with his wife!). Well, I asked him if he would go with me and he said he would rather I go out with my friend. I couldn't believe it! He turned me down! I begged and pleaded... told him that it was a double date! He still said no! He kept saying I should go out with my friend! So, I went on a double date alone... while my husband went dancing with his friends! My feelings were so incredibly hurt. I couldn't forgive him for that. I think he was cheating on me at that point and chose his girlfriend over me. This was the night I started thinking about divorce... my birthday 1998... only one year married!
1 person likes this
@cher913 (25782)
• Canada
15 Sep 12
i know the feeling, especially when its your birthday! i remember one year my hubby forgot my birthday. man, was i upset.
too bad he doesn't think of you more often and no, i don't think you are being irrational. my hubby was like that too and i finally got fed up. i actually left him for 6 months and we both changed a great deal and now our marriage is much stronger. of course, this doesn't work for everyone but it did for us.
1 person likes this
@ladym33 (10979)
• United States
15 Sep 12
I don't mean to make it sound like he is always bad on my birthday, he is usually very good about them, which is what makes this one so sad for me, he has always made sure I had nice birthdays but this year it seems like my birthday is just one more thing on his to do list to take care of and he will squeeze it in.
@wilsongoddard (7291)
• United States
15 Sep 12
He does need his down time, and he is still doing something for your birthday. Yes, the day should be a bit more about you, but he hasn't forgotten or completely abandoned you.
I don't think that eight o'clock is a horrible time for dinner out at a nice restaurant. Personally, I aim more for a dinner reservation for around 6:30-7ish, but I wouldn't have been terribly upset if my boyfriend would have made a reservation for later than that on my birthday. What would upset me was if he had repeated what he did the first year together--scheduling a trip out of the country (for a completely stupid reason) for over my birthday. That was something worth getting p*ssed about... and, believe me, I did.
1 person likes this
@ladym33 (10979)
• United States
15 Sep 12
That would have made me angry too. Well for medical reasons I am not supposed to eat after 6:00 PM so it is going to throw my whole system off balance which he knows, plus I was really hoping to do something after dinner as well, but with dinner being so late we will probably both be too tired to do anything else. If we went out all the time I wouldn't mind but we literally get to go out just the two of us on his birthday, my birthday, and our anniversary, and my birthday is really the only one where I get to choose what we do, I was really looking forward tonight, I still am but not as much because I know by 8:00 I am probably not going to be feeling very good. I will have to eat something around 6:00 so I don't get sick which will spoil my appetite and will add extra calories that I don't really want or need right now.
@watchamacallitz (1171)
• Philippines
16 Sep 12
You should talk this over with your husband because communication is a very vital aspect in a relationship. I had communication issues with my husband in the past as well and he told me he was glad I told him that. Men need us to tell them if something is wrong or if we want something from them as they are not very good with predicting what our thoughts are. Just talk to him as that is the only way you can resolve these problems you are having right now.
@lizcyprus (31)
• Cyprus
15 Sep 12
I don't think you're being irrational. To me a birthday is special, it only comes once every year, so I think you should talk to him about what bothered you. My husband's schedule can be pretty hectic as well but I let him know when I want to spend more time with him. Just the two of us.
1 person likes this
@ladym33 (10979)
• United States
15 Sep 12
I try not to say anything to him about him not being around much because I know he is working hard, and his grandmother really needs him right now as she is in a life transition and does not really have anyone to help her, and she is also really stressing him out, I would think my birthday would be that one exception to everything else, I don't bother him the rest of the year except for our anniversary.
