It will either be Freedom or Death....

I would definitely make it know(perhaps in writting would be good)that you are not following this tradition. Both your family and the girl need to know right away. Is she of the old tradition then? I would definitely let her know. I wish you luck and hope that Nov. 30th is a good day for you as well.

Dear friend, I see from your profile that you are 30 years old. Surely by now you have a job and have enough means to have a say on what is happening. I know about arranged marriages, but you could ask them to meet her and to have some time with her. Or is this match the sort where the importance lays in her dowry? Tell us everything, friend, so that we can give you an advise. Not all marriages in India are the same and you know it better than I do. Take care.

Hello mr_pearl it sounds so difficult!! It`s the first time in my life that I`m near such case. First of all you are not a kid anymore. I think you may have three ways: a. You may fall in love of her with time. You may ask to move the wedding date, for 12 more months. So you can met each other. Maybe she is not as worst as you think, or she may be kind. b. You can talk to your family, neatly. You are not a kid. And they have to understand you. Whichever is your will. c. You may run away, you are not a kid, but you have to understand that running away may lead you to a whole different world to which you are used to. When I was 23 my parents were having really hard troubles in their marriage, so I went to talk with a priest, and he suggested me to move away from their house. As I`m the older sister (of two) I didn´t want to expose myself to live alone life. So I went to a church ministry, since 17 years ago, up today. I found a community that understood me, I felt loved. And then two years later, I got married with my best friends. And we have today 15 years of marriage, and three kids. I think life is a continue battle and it is up to us to live life as we want to live it, because we have just one chance to write our own book. May the Lord lighten you! Blessings mr_pearl... dainy

Dear Mr. Pearl, Your situation is a difficult one. Talk to your parents. Explain to them that you don't love the lady. It is not fair to either of you to marry someone that you don't love. I am sorry you are going through this. I will keep you in my prayers. I wish you all the best.

Oh dear, not good news my friend. You can always kip (sleep) at ours if ever you're desperate lol. I really think the only way you can get out of this is if you run away..but run away to what..and is there anyone you can confide in and stay with where you actually live? That would be the ideal scenario. Let us know what you decide.

Oh wow. That's a difficult situation. But I can understand the feeling of wanting to run away and start over completely. I've had to do that myself. If you do not want to marry a girl, you should not have to. You do not have to run away either. Just do not marry her. That may cause much conflict, and if it can't be resolved, going out on your own may be the best thing to do, it was the best thing for me in my family situation. You have to do whatever is best for you, no matter how difficult it may seem or how much others disapprove. You have every right to be happy and I wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide to do. You must let me know how things work out! And where are you going?

I would feel exactly as you do if my family did this to me. I live in the US and that doesn't really happen here. People here marry by choice as that is the way it should be. I would be so insulted and angry if my parents pulled something like that on me! I actually would absolutely refuse to go along with it and even at the risk of losing them in my life. The way I see it, their risk of losing me in their life would be equal and if they were willing to take that gamble then so would I. I would not attend a ceremony and I would refuse to sign any papers. You are an adult Mr. Pearl and it is YOUR life...not theirs. Stand up for yourself. Your parents job was to raise you to be an adult. They have done their job and it really is no longer their say unless you allow it to be.

I'm sorry to hear such a bad news for you yet a good news for your family. I hear stories about arrange marriages and how the parents doesn't even bother to think of their children's feelings about being united with someone that you don't love or don't know. I pray that you can get out of that situation and make a run for a new life. I don't like people meddling with my own decision specially that marriage is something that is like for forever. I hope you'll find a way for you to be free and not die (emotionally) from this situation my friend.

Is fixed marriage a part of your custom in your country or is it just what your parents want? It is really difficult to bend a tradition as you might be thought of as a disgrace in the family. Try to know the girl. Maybe she has qualities that you might like.

I'm not really in a position to give you good advice. I don't know the whole story here. I'm sure it would take a long time to explain. There are a couple questions that do come to mind here. Is the girl aware of how you feel? Whether the answer to that is yes or no, do you know why she said yes? Is it bad in your culture for a man at thirty to be unmarried? Do you even know why your parents are so eager to marry you off in spite of your obvious desire to not marry this girl? Generally speaking parents want the best for their children. Why do they think she would be good for you? You probably have wrestled with those questions, so I'm not certain I'm being much help. I see you have two choices here. One is get to know the girl so that you can give your parents solid reasons why you don't want her. I don't even know if in your culture that is appropriate. The other choice would be to make a break for it. That has huge consequences for you. Think about it before you choose.

It's hard finding some one that you love through person to person contact. I feel for you in your situation.

The world is so huge, I also don't know who am I responding to, it is all known.Fairness? Moderation? I am brought up through kindness stage, through beating stage. It was kind, do you think it was because I am bad or I am stupid? After all these years, I then understand everyone lived up for themselves, true love? Ha ha, haha, haha, do you think it really exist? I met my life at cross road junctions, I met my life at edge doors, at corridors, where is the him? Even in sleep, I slept fearfully. Daily life was sustain with daily endurance with the only family members. The school friends I once met, seems strange to me. The community friends I once met, seems strange to me too. My external family members seems challenging. Have my life given to them at a certain stage in my life? And the way I brought up, has it brought up in a ruling way? An agreement with some other complete strangers? Because it is so sensitive. If enemy so call exist here, then please stop disturbing me, let me go. It was hard for me to live up to this stage, an adult. You want a baby?!! Do you think you are fit to be one?!! As a baby, I suffered breathing diffculty, asthma, pain, do you think my parents attend to me? Even if they attend, do you think I am comfortable? A trillion billion thanks to you for giving in to this question! Can a baby walk and take things by himself? Can a baby talks? Can a baby or a child talks? Children are not always as healthy as you see them to be, dear missy!