Don't let them choose ..

A very traumatic experienced indeed ! I have learnt from you that though going through that horrible phase in your life still you turn out to be a good child , beautiful soul and a productive individual. So mistakes of our parents and elders are our stepping stone to be a better , worthy individual.

Indeed , a very traumatic experienced . It so touches me when you said , " as a child you can not see the bigger picture. " Parents always assumed that kids are okay , when they didn't see that inside the kids are breaking. Maybe parents are also in denial stage , can't accept to themselves that children are affected with the break up and have to convince selves that kids will be okay. So sad that children have to undergone such horrible experience. Sometimes it is hard to understand life , some things can't be explained . Some things beyond our control though how much we wanted for such thing. No parents also plan to have a broken family and no kids wishes to be a product of a broken family , all are but victims of time and circumstances . This is just one of the realities of life.

I agree with everything you say. Traumatic experiences that my mum had suffered as a child/teenager subsequently led to her rushing into marriage with my dad and so it kind of turns into a vicious cycle for the children. Until i realised - and then made a conscious decison to not let the past shape my future - i found myself in relationships with men who were carbon copies of my dad in terms of unreliablity/selfishness etc. That is not to say i do not love my dad dearly - i do - but the emotional impact of the way my parent's behaved was very severe and as a young child - you don't reason the situation out with logic - you just draw conclusions such as "my dad doesn't love me", "my needs don't matter", "i'd better be a good girl in case he doesn't want to see me anymore" etc. I have spoken to my dad about how i felt as a child and we both got very upset. I have talked in length to my mum about it because if you carry these feelings from childhood and don't express them in some way - they can literally start to poison you. This doesn't mean that recriminations and "blame" should be involved and i realise that not every child/parent is mature or emotionally equipped enough to embark on this working through process. My most upsetting memory is of sobbing in the car in front of my mum's new partner whilst my mum was in the pawn shop - selling her wedding rings. To me - that act symbolised there truly was no going back and i felt completely powerless in the world. Your parents - when you are small child - ARE your world - as a child - it never occurred to me that parents split up and so when it happened - it literally shattered my sense of emotional security and i felt completely powerless. Add to that the physical changes involved - moving home/changing schools/new step dad (that's a story in itself!)/new step mum/new siblings/money issues etc - it can be a terrible time for children involved and parents really do need to be aware that although they are suffering - they are the grown ups and need to start putting their children's emotional welfare first by reassuring them and talking to them and not just presuming they are "fine". Like you say however - parents are fallible. The world isn't perfect and everyone does what they feel is their best at the time but I am 37 and have no children - and i wonder how much this is to do woth my own childhood? I have spent many years obessing over whether my marriage will last the distance and i can provide what any children i have; need emotionally? It very much angers me when i see parents seemingly being unaware/uncaring of how their actions/behaviour are affecting their children but perhaps this insight can only be gained from having gone through such experiences as a child!

Why should the mother automatically get custody, especially if the child is under the age of seven years old? What if the father is the better provider, has the most stable living environment and is the more reliable parent, then shouldn't he be the one to have physical custody of the children at least most of the time?

If the court proves that the mother is incapable of raising the kids, the father is awarded full custody of the children. now, it is the duscretion of the father if he will let his children be under their mother's care provided that he will provide full support to his children.

Purple , maybe a mother is given that privilege of having the kids custody because for 9 months she bears the baby , this justifies that she is responsible . So from here , authorities coined the idea that she can raise well the child.

Parents still lies in their hands the future of this kids. Whatever would be the agreement it would be for the betterment of the children. One good thing that could guarantee to produce better kids is the environment where the kids are exposed everyday of their life.

So hard to be in that situiation but with God's love to you , all just passed out like nothing happened right ? All wounds heal .

That's true. However, the courts, or government as you call it, often make mistakes, and what the court thinks is in the best interest of the child is not always correct. We can only hope that all the facts are submitted and correct before decisions are made.

Yes , but so sad for the government just base everything in the facts , emotions of the children are not considered. Good Morning !

The government makes laws that would side to the welfare of a kid. Legal rights and custody are stipulated well.

thanks angelpink,for not judging me. many people see that i have 5 different children and 2 divorces under my belt that I am a bad person.. I ignore them because they did not know what i had to go through. i am remarried and this one is a keeper LOL.. people are quick to judge but to me I do not care what they think. i worry what my children think. they know they were created by love and that things do not always go the way we want. as long as they know we all love them and even our extended families do then i do not worry. i know they will grow up to be wonderful people because we made sure they knew we can get along nad that they were never to blamed.

Krupar , who am i to judge you ? It is never good to judge other people because we have not live their life. We are there in their struggles . We are not there to fill those things that are empty for them. We are not in their shoe to feel all those things that they have undergone. So really we have no right . Better still understand them , give them compassion , we are lucky we are not in their shoes . God bless Krupar . fight more :)

Krupar , what a great story you got , it happened because it meant to happen. Yes having numerous divorce doesn't mean you are a bad parent , it is just that you are not that lucky enough to have a man tailored really for you . Maybe this is your fate and this is okay . Conceiving the child is already a good deed , a heroic and a saintly deed. So it does not matter now if you are having an intact family or not , the important thing is you are doing your responsibilities to your children.

Life's bitter reality , broken families ! Yes no other people suffers much than the innocent children. Kids nothing wanted in this world but a complete family not minding the other material thing.

200% i am favorable with this idea . Majority of the children can 't handle such sensitive thing , even adult can hardly adjust with this kind of set up. Parents nothing can do but should sit down and discuss wholeheartedly , what's the best option .

This is a better arrangement , at least in here the father is accepting his liabilities and conscious as to who is the best who can nurture his child both in physical , emotional , intellectual field.

Separation have to happen for the sake of the children. The environment is no longer healthy , violence existed already . Kids must be saved , no way for them to see and grow with such kind of environment , that's why decision must be made. The situation don't have just this petty fights , the situation was alarming already.

So pity , kids are the ones who pays it all. Unfair but this is the sad truth . They were let to choose , things which they don't like to do but no choice for it is part of the process of a separating parents.

Yes open loving communication to the kids are needed in this situation. Anything can be talk with an open mind and heart.