Packing my Bags to Leave!

I'm glad you are well enough to go home. Your sisters will manage just fine without you, though I understand your concern. Um.. last time I cried.. it was recent. I've done a lot of crying lately. Been stressed, fighting with hubby over my stress, things like that. The last specific instance I know of was the other day when hubby and I had yet another discussion about a graduation party I want to throw. I graduate from college in December. To me it's a big deal. I might be a bit old for it, but I want a huge graduation party! I didn't graduate highschool, I just got a GED. This is my first time in college.. so my first ever real graduation from something. He keeps saying I can't have a party. Our house isn't fit for guests, and we can't afford to rent out a place to have a party anywhere else. Plus there's Christmas to think about. I've tried to stay positive and tell myself that somehow we'll find a way because it is so important to me. But the other day he just looked at me and said "Sorry, we can't". That's when I burst into tears. Think I might have just been emotional. I still have faith that we'll find a way. I don't care if I have to block half of the house off and tell people as they're coming in the door the story of why the house still looks like a mess and smells bad in some rooms. I want a party and gosh darn it I'm going to have one!!!

A few weeks ago I just kind of had this "lay in bed" day and on one of my "lay in bed" moments I kind of woke up and felt so sad, crying and missing my mother so much. I can imagine there are a lot of things you are bringing home to your family but also a few treats for yourself you can't attain in Jamaica? The worst part is packing up and leaving your loved ones. Hopefully your frail sister will be okay with the friends she has and get help with her drinking problem. Drinking problems run in my family. I thought you'd already left for back home? In any case have a safe trip back, and we will see you when you get back.

It was yesterday morning after Dearra's anxiety attack.

It is very hard when we have to pack everything up to leave somewhere, because we really do accumulate a lot of things that we never really intended on buying. I see that you're struggling to be able to leave your sister as well. You have to leave though because you have to get back for your own job. You will not be able to help your sister if you don't have the money to help yourself so that means that you're certainly doing the right thing by her. I would hate to leave my family as well but you will do it, and you will all be much stronger because of it in the long term.

hi dear Cynthie I am so glad you got to go home now. It means your surgery has been successful, rehab has been successful as well and certainly that you are well enough to travel back to Jamaica. I bet you missed your family in Jamaica so it will be good for you to get bsck and I wish you a safe journey home. I am sorry to hear that both of your sisters are in such poor health so its understandable you dont really want to leave and leave them alone. Back to your question about turning on the tap. I turned it on a bit over a year ago when I was at the memorial service for my Heart Mom Anne who passed away with 80 years old cause she could not battle that cancer any more. I was crying through all of the memorial Service.....

Hi cynthiann! A few days ago. I was thinking of my mother, and though it's been 7 years I still miss her very much. I have so many problems right now and wish she was here to help me. It's too bad about your sisters. It's good they both have someone to help them. I have one sister who lives in Wisconsin. I live in Massachusetts. She does come home once a year and I get to see her then. But she's 10 years older than me (she's 74) and I worry after she leaves that it might be the last time I'll see her. I don't have many relatives and have almost no one in Mass. You are lucky to have the family you do. Seven months is a long time and I bet you do have a lot of stuff. Don't forget your Potato Growing Bag! I wish you a safe trip home and look forward to you coming back to mylot when you get there.

As I am behind on my e-mails I see this one too late. I am just so sorry that things have gone this way for you. I guess the Bible says it best to be strong and of good courage. We're all praying for you. And turn on that tap all you need.

When I left my kids in germany..after a two week vacation with them. I know that it will be some time before I see them again so it's always hard...Hope you have an easier time when it get right down to leaving.....I bet you will be glad to be home!

'turned on the tap' that is a good one..I guess the last time was just a couple weeks ago when my neighbor's dog, (and a dog I have been watching for over a year) was put down because she got sick. She was only a couple years old, but it was some disease found in raccoons that got her. It sounds like you are really going to miss your sisters, but it also sounds like they have plenty of people to keep an eye on them. So take care and have a safe trip back home..

im always a bit afraid to turn on the tap. my mom used to say i'll give you something to cry about then i had a second husband 40yrs ago that used to make fun of me if i cried. so some how since then, ive had trouble crying. i really wish i could at times. its said its a great relief and good for you. a couple weeks ago i cried some but went to sleep during it and that was it. over my dear aunt finally.

I can see why you are torn about what you should do in terms of your two sisters that are not in good health, but you do have to also look out for yourself, so the decision is that you should do whatever is going to make you feel the best. As far as the as the last time that I turned on the tap, I guess I would have to admit that it was in the last week. The reason was because of the fact that I've been going through so much stress in the past months and my emotions are just simply on high alert, my feelings are getting hurt by almost every little thing.

Turn the tap Not exactly the same phrase, but my parents had a similar expression for me when I was young. I've always known myself to have a very low emotional threshold, so my tap can be turned easily. Being a guy, of course means that I have to hold it all, and keep it in all the time. Sometimes, all you need is a good turn on the tap. And to let it all out, so you can move ahead.

This is life and it does not stop. It is bitter to leave the sister who suffering and the brother too, but only if you leave, you will be able to earn and return to them. You have your life too and yeah tears come when you have to leave the loved ones. I have left my loved ones far and I have cried too. Yeah I did on the tap 2 years back. I do secretly cry too when I remember my family.Thanks for sharing and have a wonderful day ahead.