Between ur 2 kids... Scared to love the other one much more
By niairen01
@niairen01 (1018)
Philippines
September 27, 2012 2:57pm CST
I've posted not so long ago about how in live i am with my son and how i am scared to have another child in the sense that i might not love him/her the way i love my eldest.
Currently i gave birth to my youngest child (2 weeks ago). Now, my fear actually reversed. I'm scared that i'm neglecting my eldest too much. You know, having a week old baby youl'd always be busy. Like you carry him around making him sleep, you don't Want any noise, etc. although i'm really trying to make sure that i'm still give enough attention to my eldest, enOugh hugs and kisses and i love you's i still feel that i'm not giving him what he needs.
I've already opened up with my husband about this and he just smiled and told me that i was being paranoid about everything. He said that i was just being affected by my eldest jealousy, since i too am used too just taking care of my eldest before. He also said that like my eldest, i'm also going through a cycle of change and also need to accept that my eldest is not a baby anymore and that i need to let him go and let him grow.
As for me i only wanted to give both of them equal love and attention. I love them soooooo much that i'm scated that one of them might feel that i live the other much more than the other.
1 person likes this
3 responses
@ztuberi (395)
• Philippines
1 Oct 12
Your feelings are normal. And sibling rivalries are normal too, I think. Mothers love their children, I know you'll always do what's best for your children. And one day, your children will realize that. If there are times that they are confused, just hug them and explain things to them on their understanding. And you can also talk to them while they're sleeping.
@niairen01 (1018)
• Philippines
8 Oct 12
I always make sure that my eldest doesn't get the wrong idea. I always try my best to be patient with him at all times and I'm always careful not to ignore him. Normally he would always try to catch our attention by screaming or just talking out loud. _
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
27 Sep 12
I had the same fears that you have when my son was born. It had been just my daughter for almost four years and she was really my everything. However, when my son was placed in my arms for the first time, I know that I was like the Grinch in How the Grinch Stole Christmas in that my heart must have grown at least three sizes at the time that my son was placed in my arms for the first time.
I'm sure that you will come to realize that you love both of your children the same amount, but right now, your newborn has a lot more needs for you to fulfill than your older child has.
@niairen01 (1018)
• Philippines
28 Sep 12
Isn't it amazing?! It was like you automatically realize that there's still an equal amount of place in your heart. Before i thought it would be hard i guess the way to understand how parents love their children equally is to experience it yourself.
@sharay (2769)
• India
27 Sep 12
I had the same fears as yours and my daughter is my life, in spite of many people persuading me to have a second one, i was adamant that i would not for fear of this, for i love her so so much that i didnt want to hurt her at any cost. you havnt mentioned the age of ur first child, is he more than 6, if so...u need not worry much for you can make him understand and gain his confidence by mainly allowing him to participate in the care of your second child, you must install a feeling in him like he is also kind of a mother to the child and that you both should take care of him as he is young and needs you a lot more. even if there is some kind of feelings in him as u mentioned, it will fade away as time goes by and he will be okay for sure! dont worry...
@niairen01 (1018)
• Philippines
28 Sep 12
My eldest just turned 5 last aug. i'm really thankful that he also love his brother so much but of course he can't help feeling jealous once in awhile. I was worried that he might hate his brother because of it.
I just hope everything will be okay. Thanks for your advice. ^__^
