I Now Pronouce You someone else!?

My son is getting a divorce...and he is dating a very nice woman. He is finally getting back to his old self again....during the marriage he was rejected by her physically and he basically did nothing right...so he got so defensive that it was unreal....now he's finally getting back to his old self and I am so happy he is rid of the crap he had to put up with!

Well some people do... you know... like the ones you hear about on Dateline who went on a rampage and killed 7 people, including a fiancee or wife, a couple kids.... or went to work one day and suddenly shot up their coworkers. OR... they were such a nice lady, pillar in their community, headed service projects, the charity dance - and then 5 years later the town is rocked because they find out she poisoned her husband and drowned her baby. I don't know why this happens.... 90% of the time lesser issues that lead to couples splitting or leaving might be just because they weren't really compatible and didn't get together/stay together because they were actually good friends AND in love with each other. People get together/stay together for all sorts of really weird and inappropriate (in my opinion) reasons, and they include arrangements, interference by family, interference by friends, abuse and control factors, fear of being alone, money issues, children, medical problems, etc. In a perfect world, people would only be together/stay together because they were in love and the other factors wouldn't even play into it. Of course, even if you're in love with someone, they COULD still conceivably go nuts, but you have no control over that, any more than you have over whether they get sick, run over by a car, or have a heart attack. My ex was a great guy when I met him. He was fine for over 6 years. When he went nuts, I figured I didn't want the rest of my life to be 2 weeks of hell so.... hence why he's my ex and I haven't spoken to him in over 10 years lol.

Hi, I have read this quotation from Doug Larson the other day which says that "more marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse". This can be really true to many. What happens to some marriages are they don't realized that they are on the adjustment period which may take years. This is very true to my case. I am a newly wed and thought that everything did change after the marriage. Upon talking to my husband, he told me that I too have change so much. That was the time we have told each other why we became like this and why things turn this way. But talking to each other does not really solve the problem, it takes a lot of maturity to accept things that we can't seem to understand. We have learned to ask and know first his motives/reasons for doing or acting this way. That way, we have avoided so many fights lately. We still have to understand that even though we're a couple, we're still people with individual and different personalities. I don't when this adjustment period will end but I am really motivated with this quote by Larson that the better comes after the worse. This made me help me to hold on to my marriage no matter how hard things may be.

Well I have witnessed this first hand. I thought that I was the marrying type. Maybe I was. But I have witnessed the evil ex go from a nice sweet innocent girl to this sneaky, cheating, money grubbing bit@h. It is sick how people change. I have never changed all my life. I only know how to be me. No matter who I am with I am who I am. If she felt that she could not be married to me, she should have left way before the kids were born. So it would have been nice if someone in my past told me not to marry. Or if I had a better insight. I have major resentment. And I will take that to the grave with me.

For me the question is whether the person was really who he or she was when they were in a pre-marriage relationship (dating, living together, whatever.) In dating situations, people tend to bend a lot more to what the other person wants because they are afraid to assert themselves and what they want for fear the other person will break the relationship. Then, after they marry, they gradually move back to who they really were before. That's one answer. The other answer is that some people are simply blind to the faults of the other because they are in love with love -- not the person they have decided to associate with their love. After they get married, somehow their eyes are opened to all they were blind to before and they think the other person changed. Then they become disillusioned with both love and marriage and may get bitter.

I think it can go either way a person can change for the worse or get better after getting married. It all really depends on that person although some times other factors push them to change in either direction. For me and my husband I think what changes if any has been for the better and not the worse. Some people hide who they really are till after they get married and are comfortable to show there true colors and most of the time those are people that are abusers that do that.

I guess it would depend on the people involved! I've been happily married 32 years!

I remember how my mother always said my father changed when they got married. He was sweet before the wedding, and controlling afterwards. On the other hand, when she married her 2nd husband, there were no changes after the wedding, and when my sister and I married our husbands no one changed after the wedding. Every situation is different.

Wow! My experience is that people can change for the better, not for the worse after marriage. However, there have to be exceptions] and it sounds like you have meta few. Perhaps they married in haste and maybe for the wrong reasons. In some parts of the world marriage is still_sort of a trap,but where I live, fortunately I we can make am own fortunes live autonomously to a certain extent. So with this relative freedom there is no need to change for the worse. Men and women both can grow.

I do believe people change eventually. Some for the better, some for worse, some not at all. My husband changed a lot. He was really different when he was still single and now that he's married. When he was single, all he though about was partying. The usual kind of thing. I think all of us are usually like that, especially the party animals. I know I used to be that way. But when we got married and had kids, he became more responsible. The money he earned he would put away to make sure we had at least some savings. (And I admit, I'm a pretty bad job in the financial aspect of things). The only probably would be he became a little more dependent on me and very clingy. He would keep calling and checking to see where I was throughout the day. I also lost the party animal in me when I became married. And frankly, I don't miss it either. It's not like something I would go back to if I suddenly became single again. I think we all just get more mature about things. Of course we grew up without these people in our lives for a very long time, and when you start living with each other you're going to get a taste of what your partner is like when he is at home alone. There are definitely things you won't like, things that you'll be so thankful for, and things you'll wish you never had to know. It's like a rite of passage, it's all part and parcel of getting married. It all depends on how you take it. Are you open enough to accept the person you're going to marrY? That's another reason why most people turn out worse than they were when they weren't married, is because probably they either didn't really like the person or they just sort of went along with the decision to get married, or they didn't know what they were getting themselves into.

I never changed into the worst as I was married. I stayed the same. The person always giving in, always willing to help out, always that listening ear, I was the perfect wife and housewife and cook and mother. My ex also did not change. He stayed the bachelor, loved to play the student and kept his many gf's while cheating around. Only spend his money on his, stayed greedy for me and his kids and demanded a lot (while I was making his (expensive) wishes come true. I never met people who completely changed into what you describe. Only women who become mothers and housewifes next to a full time job dealing with everything alone. Why? Because that is how society wants them to be. In the meanwhile hoping their husband will give them a hand. The wife is tired out, worser dressed or even the husband wants her to dress more dull since she is married now. Many live next to eachother their own lives and a part of the men suddenly wake up and go cheating around because their wife is changed into a dull person without any fun (although he made her like that). A marriage is different from living together (for some reason) and that is why people change into something society wants them to be or act like.

There are marriages that are not well planned..in fact some marry for wrong reasons. It could be that the girl got pregnant and because her family is the conservative type, they don't want their daughter to raise a child out of wedlock. There are also the types who are living the present, feeling so in love that they think no other better reason why they should not marry. Why married persons change is because they've to dance with the tune. They've to do what it takes to make the marriage work and the list is endless when it comes to making it work. Some are successful and some are not, as simple as that so eventually some are happy with their marriages and some are bitter. Bottom line, it is always best to plan, prepare and think about the marriage several times before the couple say "I do".