Letting Go of Love

October 1, 2012 9:47pm CST
What makes this discussion different than previous ones on this topic is my relationship with the person that I love. We used to date, but had a very terrible relationship. We stopped talking for 8 months and then became best friends again. Since we had both changed for the better, our friendship was healthier. Even though we were still attracted to one another, he had already started a relationship with another girl. He intends on marrying this girl. He and I used to talk about getting married one day. Even though he has a girlfriend, I always thought that he and I would somehow end up together. However, the other day, I confronted him about how he has not been a good friend to me lately and that I was disappointed he was too busy to make time for me, that he forgot my birthday, and that we had been talking less and less. He thought about it and told me that maybe it was time we go our separate ways, since he knew that he could not be what I wanted him to be. I am devestated, because I feel like I am losing my best friend, my confidant, my boo, etc. He plays so many roles in my life and is the center of my support system. I truly believe that he knows more about me than anyone else and we both can easily share our thoughts and feelings with one another unlike either of us can with anyone else, including his girlfriend. I think since he is serious about asking his girlfriend to marry him, I have to be absent from his life in order for him to do so. I think that I represent too much temptation. Even though I do not think that I am a threat to their relationship, I suppose that being an ex, I am one by default. I am happy that he can now move on with his life and I should be happy that I have the opportunity to let go and maybe become involved with someone else. However, I still feel so empty. I am not angry at him. I am disappointed in the situation and honestly, I feel bad for myself because here he is the one in a relationship and I am the one left behind, alone. Is it really necessary for him to be without me to move on? Can we ever be "just friends"?
1 person likes this
6 responses
natliegleb
@natliegleb (5175)
• India
2 Oct 12
you should not be like that instead try to have a silent word or text here with a short note and sort things out rather than making harsh and irritatable thing for all.so you need to pull her back anyhow
dainy1313
@dainy1313 (2370)
• Leon, Mexico
2 Oct 12
Hello fencer07 I`m so sad to read about your friend because I went by the same situation 17 years ago. I remember how devasted I was. It has been the worst time of my life. I found God, I filled my life with God. I took a children ministry at the church and I learnt so many things, about me, about life. Two years later I got married, and then I had kids. It has not been easy at all. Indeed I continue with a ministry 17 years later. I have a deeper happiness. You deserve somebody who really cares for you, and who really loves you. You have to be brave and strong to come out of your sadness. Pray to God, he is the one who knows you best, and who loves you must. No guy deserves your tears. You are so sweet! Blessings fencer...dainy
Jenny1015
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
2 Oct 12
I have tried to make myself believe that former lovers can still be friends. But I have realized that it is difficult to happen when you know that deep in your heart, that you still feel something for that person. Well maybe this is not true to all, but since you have known each other for long, giving up on a friendship is all the more difficult. Sometimes, even if we don't want to, but we are left with no choice but to take it at that.
bembzee
@bembzee (768)
• Philippines
2 Oct 12
Hello fencer, what you are asking is unfair to the present girlfriend. Letting go of love means freedom away from you. He can't choose between you and his girlfriend. Give him some time. If circumstances allow, you and his girlfriend might be a very good friend. But for now let it be. Anyway, a true friend always understand.
Raine38
@Raine38 (12391)
• United States
2 Oct 12
Only he can answer that, on whether he thinks he's getting somewhere or nowhere with you in the picture. Sadly, he has informed you of his choice, and you can't do nothing about it but to respect his feelings and be happy that once he was a big part of your life. I know it isn't easy to let go, it took me 6 years to recover a certain love (but it's an entirely different story). Love yourself for once, think of yourself first before you start "loving" him again even as a friend, or anyone else for that matter. You owe yourself that much. And as painful as it may sound, sadly, no, I don't think being friends with him is going to be healthy for the both of you.
chentunacao
@chentunacao (309)
• Philippines
2 Oct 12
I think he can't move on with you on his presence. Because if he can he shouldn't decide for you both to separate ways. Maybe he can't be 100% faithful to his soon to be wife when your still around. But if you're going to think about this in a positive way its not him who can gain more advantage about this separation but its you. Because out of this you can feel closure, and will find time to give yourself happiness without him. It's time for to find independence from his presence and by doing this you are giving yourself a chance to find another man you truly deserve. If God takes away he must have someone better to give. If a door has closed there are still many opened windows out there. And if you still continue being friends with him you will never stop of dreaming for you both to be together again and satan may use that or may use you in the future to make trouble in their marriage. As what you've said "you represent too much temptation". Of course we don't want that to happen but we don't what the devil can to use men and women to cause trouble with one another. Maybe your ex boyfriend anticipated that not to happen in the future.