User Friend
By YoghurtGal
@flapiz (23148)
United Kingdom
October 2, 2012 12:47am CST
I love my friends. I try to help them out with their troubles as much as I can. But I have this one friend who only communicate with me when she is in need.
A week ago I paid for her fair on the ship since she doesn't have money. But today she texted me and asked me to lend her money. I told her can't because I'm helping out my parents with the electric bill. but she persisted. It bothers me to lend her money because it's a really big amount and she has a bad record on paying debts but since she's my friend I gave in. Then she told me to go to her place so that she could take the money. Now this is too much. I'm lending her money and I'm going to her place? I have a job today, she should at least go to me.
I asked my other friend for advise and she told me point blank that my other friend is using me and abusing my kindness. What do I do?
1 person likes this
18 responses
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
3 Oct 12
That' true flapiz. Your friend is abusing your kindness and you should listen to your other friend.
Can you still not notice how she uses you? You have helped her already when you paid for her fare, so there's no need to lend her money anymore, because as you said she has a bad record in paying debts.
Wake up my friend.
@flapiz (23148)
• United Kingdom
3 Oct 12
@Simply: I do notice that she is using me. I just didn't have the courage to refuse her. I am kind of like a softie. I always believe that it it doesn't matter if the one who asked for help is cheating as long as my intention to help is pure.
I do pray that our friendship will not sever because of money. I hope she pays me.
@Cmy: If she won't pay me this time then I would break off the relation.
@adforme (2114)
•
3 Oct 12
Your friend is definitely not being responsible. Somehow she has bitten off more than she can chew financially. To ask a friend for money as much as she is doing is quite desperate. I would have a talk with her, and let her know the position she is putting you in. Let her know that a friendship is priceless; and as a friend, you want to see her do better. In order to do that, your friend has to be honest with herself. If she continues to ask you for money, the friendship will most definitely fall apart. So, at best, help her help herself. If she continues to be selfish and needy, you will probably have one less friend.
@flapiz (23148)
• United Kingdom
3 Oct 12
Hi Adforme! Money and friendship is not really the best pair huh? These are the things I've learned in life: First, don't mix friendship and money; second, do not do business with family.
Since she is my friend I decided to help her one last time. I told her when I gave the money how important it was for me and that she needs to pay me back. Now I'm hoping that she will prove to be a trust worthy friend in the end. If not then I'll have to let her out of my life.
@adforme (2114)
•
3 Oct 12
Hello Flapiz. You are definitely right about how you view relationships. She should do the right thing and pay you back. You have shown to be more than a friend to your loan requesting friend. You have been a guardian angel. Hopefully, she will value your friendship enough to be a better person and understand how she can be a good friend.
@flapiz (23148)
• United Kingdom
4 Oct 12
I'm definitely crossing my fingers that she'd pay me back.
@jaiho2009 (39141)
• Philippines
2 Oct 12
I guess your other friend is right- your friend is using you, abusing your kindness and generosity.
If she's really sincere with her intention, she should at least drop to your place to collect the money,
She's the one who needs help- but she's too much...
@jaiho2009 (39141)
• Philippines
3 Oct 12
good to hear that she managed to collect the money by herself..
You're such a good friend, despite all her bad records still you never hesitate to lend her a hand
@flapiz (23148)
• United Kingdom
2 Oct 12
Hi Jai! Well She didn't reply to my text when I said she should come over instead of me coming to her. But I guess she really did need the money or no one else would lend her because she came over this afternoon.
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
2 Oct 12
You have a kind heart for a friend. But obviously, your friend sees you as her ATM. Much better to stay away from friends who abuses your kindness.
@flapiz (23148)
• United Kingdom
2 Oct 12
This really worries me. I am a person not an ATM. It's kind of disappointing. I want to help her but I think she doesn't really need the money that much. If she does then she should have come to my work place when I told her so. But she didn't come. She's asking me to come to her.
Next time when she contacts me I will hesitate to answer. Because everytime she contacts me she asks me a favor. 
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
3 Oct 12
That is precisely my point. She calls you only when she needs something and she even asks you to come over to her house instead of her coming to you. That is too much. Teach your friend a lesson. You also need money for more important things. And it is not like you do not want to help a friend in need, but she just needs to know that it has gone too far.
@flapiz (23148)
• United Kingdom
3 Oct 12
Good Morning Jenny! Well she was forced to go to my house because I wouldn't give in to go to hers. So she went and I lend her the money. I hope she pays it back. If not then karma will get her.
@adnileb (5276)
• Philippines
3 Oct 12
Oh my, your friend is right that she is abusing your kindness. You cannot call her a friend and you shouldn't lend her money since it's a big amount and you are having doubts. That is too unkind of her to let you go in her house as if you're the one who needs her.
Hope you have figured out what to do now. Take care of the real ones.
Have a nice day ahead.
@adnileb (5276)
• Philippines
3 Oct 12
Oh, my. Anyways, just keep her updated of the payment. 
You know sometimes people aren't trustworthy when it comes to money.
Since you already gave her the money, hope she will realize how true friend you are to her and she should return it back to you in good terms.
Good luck. 
You know sometimes people aren't trustworthy when it comes to money.
Since you already gave her the money, hope she will realize how true friend you are to her and she should return it back to you in good terms.
Good luck. @flapiz (23148)
• United Kingdom
3 Oct 12
I hope so too. I think this would be the test of our friendship. Anyway whatever the outcome is, I know God knows my intention is good and if she'd cheat me then she has to answer to that someday.
@flapiz (23148)
• United Kingdom
3 Oct 12
Dear Adnileb, I'm truly sad as I read it too late. I already have lent her money. I guess she really badly need it. She didn't reply when I told her to come to me instead. But seeing no one else would help her she was forced to go to my house. So I had no choice.
@will90629 (2)
• China
3 Oct 12
you are so kind and tolerant,and your so-called friend is so selfish,she never really thinks about you as much as you do for her, i guess.your said you love friends and would like to help them whenever they are in trouble,but the friend you mentioned above i think never regards you as a friend as much as you value.No offense,she just sees you as a tool that is useful for her.i wish what you have done for her so far would move her.
@cmy1004f (381)
• China
3 Oct 12
My thinking is similar with you, have to admit that sometimes we just unilaterally others as friend, and really treat them. However, they may not have the same idea with us. So if this so-called friends just look you as a tool to use, you'd better stay away from her. Because if you go on make friend with her, not only your wallet, but more importantly your feeling will be hurt.
@flapiz (23148)
• United Kingdom
3 Oct 12
She is like that to me and my other friend. I feel like she is treating us as an investment. But anyway I am helping her with clean intentions. Now if she's using me then God sees it.
@rsa101 (38166)
• Philippines
3 Oct 12
Your other friend is indeed telling the truth already. I think you should not let your friend used you that much already. I think you should even had rejected her last request of loaning her for some money since you already know she has a bad record for paying it. I think if she is truly your friend she would understand it and if she does not then I guess she is not a good friend to keep at all.
@flapiz (23148)
• United Kingdom
3 Oct 12
Well I did refuse to loan her money, but she was really persistent. I never did say to her straight that I'm not lending her. I just told her I haven't been paid yet. But she goes and says she'll wait until I get payed and so I was already done loaning her. 
@cmy1004f (381)
• China
3 Oct 12
Well, I want to say that there are many kinds of friends, not all kinds are good friend, some of them always think how let you help them but never think you also need to make a living, use other saying, they have bit selfish just think of themselves. Anyway, everyone's patient is limited, you may tell your friend that you would like to lend her money after she repay the old debts, because you are not her imagination so wealthy, you have own living need to spending. If she insist to lend money after listened to you, I suggest you'd better far from her. I think friends should be mutual support together, not only depend on one of them. Of course, all of the above just my personal position.
@flapiz (23148)
• United Kingdom
3 Oct 12
Hi Cmy! I did feel like she was being selfish. But I couldn't bear to turn her down. So I lent her the money, but I did tell her that she should repay it right away because I'd be needing it. I liquidated to her my expenses for her to see that I AM NOT THAT RICH yet. I hope she pays me. If not then I will not make friends with her again.
@shylade (3132)
• Philippines
3 Oct 12
Hello. It is never wrong to help but if you feel that your friend is abusing you then think twice. First, she is the one who needs something for you and you are doing her a favor so she should come to you instead the other way around. She should adjust with your schedule. I hope she will pay you after. You are so kind and if she do something bad then it's not your lost, it's her lost.
@flapiz (23148)
• United Kingdom
3 Oct 12
Hello! I guess she really did need the money as she went to visit me in the end. At first she was maybe thinking I would give in and deliver the money to her, but finding out that I wasn't gonna budge she went to me.
I lent her money. This is the last time I hope. And I am really praying that she'd value our friendship and pay on time.
@acrossnation (773)
• Malaysia
3 Oct 12
Hi flapiz, You are right to help your immediate family first. does your friends family knows that she needs help. This is one of the reasons that we should help our immediate family first it automatically will make the family close together and bonded. I suggest you to speak to her family of her issues, maybe no one from the family cares for her that makes her seeking for attention elsewhere and hopefully by telling your friends family of her doing it could help her whole family also. I know its easy said than done but you have to do it, your friend might have the tendency to go her way out for money and that can be alarming. Does help must be in a monetary way?
@flapiz (23148)
• United Kingdom
3 Oct 12
Well this friend of mine has some family troubles. Her dad passed away last year and her mom's overseas. I decided to lend her enough money but I didn't tell my family about it as they object to me lending such sum. I hope that my friend will pay in time before my mom realizes that I lent her money.
@liguoping (179)
•
3 Oct 12
I think you should leave her and don't lend her money at least,it is not worthwhile,she totally haven't considered your plight and can't consider for others,that is very dangerous,it means when you in trouble oneday,she will stand by,she maybe use you and abuse your kindness as you say,so don't hestitate,leave her now.
@flapiz (23148)
• United Kingdom
3 Oct 12
Hello there! I read your advise late and so I was already able to lend her. Deep within me I did want to help her. I hope she will pay me back though. If she won't, then I guess it's friendship over.
@tinetine161992 (431)
• Philippines
3 Oct 12
Loving a friend is not bad but abusing your kindness means too much. Your friend is too demanding you should confront her and tell her what you feel to her. When she needs you are very willing to help and now its pay back time, your still need to go at her place. What the... she's to much tell her to give back your money at your place.
@flapiz (23148)
• United Kingdom
3 Oct 12
Hello Tine! I did tell her to get the money in my place. At first, I can tell she is sulking and waiting for me to give in to wishes but I didn't so she was forced to get it from me in my place.
I do hope she pays me.
@Angelpink (4034)
• Philippines
3 Oct 12
So very clear , you have s soft and kind heart . So be very careful in choosing friends . So many bad people around , masking to be a good smaritan , a good friend but truth is they have hidden agenda around. Sorry to tell you , she is not a friend she is an opportunist. Find another new , don't be victim and be fooled by this kind of people.To borrow once to a friend is okay , twice still okay but thrice ? think it over , she might be using you in her whims in life.
@flapiz (23148)
• United Kingdom
3 Oct 12
Hi Angel! I think this would be the last time I'm helping her. Well I believe that my intention of helping her is pure and if she cheats on me, then the one from above will do me justice.
@kokomo (1867)
• Philippines
3 Oct 12
Hello,
That kind of friend of yours is too abusive and she should not be a friend for keeps. You should confront her and tell her nasty attitude so that she will not going to do it anymore.Tell her that if she really wants to have a friend she should pay back for what ever she borrowed from you.
@flapiz (23148)
• United Kingdom
3 Oct 12
Hi Kokomo! Since I have read the other respos of this discussion too late I have already lent her money. But I did tell her that I need the money badly too. I liquidated my expenses to her. I hope she'd understand me and pay me back as I am also a person capable of anger.
@beamer88 (4259)
• Philippines
2 Oct 12
It's really up to you if you lend her money or not. Friends really do go out of their way to help another friend. If you think giving in when she asks for a loan of some kind is helping her, then lend her money. But I'm sure you're aware that it wouldn't actually be helping her in the long run. I mean, it's sort of a band-aid solution. A very temporary one. And it's also risky. Money has this nasty habit of ruining friendships.
@flapiz (23148)
• United Kingdom
2 Oct 12
Hi Beamer I think I'm lending it to her as she is already coming over our house. I am worried in mixing money and friendship as yes they are not the perfect match. I will just hope that she pays me. It's a leap of faith. Anyway I plan to hire her to help me with my job and I'll pay her so that I won't feel bad if she won't return my money. She should get a feel of what I do for her to know how hard earned those cash are.
@WakeUpKitty (8694)
• Netherlands
2 Oct 12
What you do? Re-read what you wrote. You know this person is not a friend at all and your other friend is right. So ask yourself: why are you always giving in if this person knocks on your door? How come this person is never there if you need some help?
@flapiz (23148)
• United Kingdom
2 Oct 12
Hi! I read your advise too late. Now I'd have to believe in good friendship that she will pay me back. I've already given her the money.
@goldtc (40)
• United States
2 Oct 12
If the **only** time you hear from your friend is when she needs something, whether it be money or your time or just to vent and complain to you, then she is using you. I would suggest that you now loan/give her any more money. I would also remind her that friendship is a two-way street where both people contribute to the friendship. Friendship does not mean you "support" her financially and she just take from you.
@flapiz (23148)
• United Kingdom
2 Oct 12
Hi! My other friend also told me not to lend her money. But well despite her using me I do want to help her out so I decided to offer her a job instead than to lend her money as it would only sever our friendship if she won't pay. But she didn't come to me. She wants me to come to her. Now I'm just annoyed and disappointed.
Friendship was supposed to be fun and well at times sad but I never expect it to be a business. And yes you are right it is a two way street. I guess I need to tell her that.
@meowchie (992)
• Philippines
2 Oct 12
I think she is indeed abusing you. You've mentioned she is just communication when she is in need? I don't really consider people like this as real friends. lol. I just can't figure out why she is that confident to ask favors from you especially money matters. Maybe you have been spoiling her too much before? Friends should be sensitive enough like when you said you are helping out with your parent's expenses too. She doesn't have the heart to understand you at all. Hope she realize she's not your obligation at all. You had helped her before, but it's not that you always have to help even when you are in the time of need.
Just explain to her in nicely, that you needed the money for more important matters. If she insist still, then there's something wrong with her :/
@flapiz (23148)
• United Kingdom
2 Oct 12
Hi Meowchie! Yes whenever she texts me it's because she has a favor to ask. Well I think I have spoiled her. Today she came over after I refuse to give in to go to her. So I lend her money. This is the last straw. If she won't pay me then I think it's friendship over.
