why me?
By jazel_juan
@jazel_juan (15746)
Philippines
October 2, 2012 9:40pm CST
last night, i called my mom asking how she is, luckily they frequency was clear and i was able to talk to her. i could sense that something is not right, i asked her about it and she started crying..
for some reasons, it pains me a lot to hear my mom cry, i never cry infront of them, i never show how weak i am, now i even show my problems with them..growing up i fix things alone...but this time my mom was crying and telling me she and my dad is fighting again and she wants to go home and she did not fully tell me the reason...but somehow i know it is about my dad's other family again.
i told my brother about this and he said we should bring our mom back here, where she can be happier with us and the kids...and let my dad be. if he wants to be with his other family maybe it is about time to let him.. i know my mom does not want this because she wants to "fight" what is hers... but then again, she is suffering and i know it. i can feel it.
so i told her to come home and we will talk her, i called my aunt from there too and asked her if she could visit my mom.. it is hard for her maybe to leave my dad but maybe it is about time she thinks of herself and let my dad be and his foolishness...i hate to think about it but how come i always end up trying to be the strongest one? my brother showed hatred of my dad last night, he just told me to get my mom and let her be happy here and leave my dad..
i on the other hand feels both pain, of letting my dad be.. i love him yet, he is is torn too i guess.. but i could not feel hatred upon him...and i also feel the pain my mom is feeling. my chest is full right now and yet i do not want to cry, everyone at home is like..let it be, let my mom come home. told hubby about this and he told me this too.. and i want to cry but i did not..
oh well.
5 people like this
10 responses
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
3 Oct 12
hi jazel__juan right now a good cry alone in your room might just take some of the emotional pressure off of you trust me.
the strong one of most families often ends up with ulcers
too,what a mess with your family.,I agree she needs to sever
that bond with her husband and get on with her own life.fighting like that with someone who will not change is just butting her
head against a stone wall. hope things get better for you.
3 people like this
@jazel_juan (15746)
• Philippines
3 Oct 12
yes i really hope my mom would find the courage to do that as she is weak when it comes to my own father which is hard.. but i understand her.. as growing up myself i thought all break ups only happen in movies and not in real families.. i was that naive back then thinking our family was that perfect.. but everything else was hidden in my eyes.
2 people like this
@jazel_juan (15746)
• Philippines
4 Oct 12
Yes crying indeed eased me.. i actually did not end up crying in the bedroom as the kids might see me, i was at the bathroom last night taking my shower and can't help but cry. it was just too much but i feel a whole lot better now
@Raine38 (12250)
• United States
3 Oct 12
I agree with Hatley. That's what I usually do when things become too much for me to bear and I can't show anyone that I'm weak. I just cry it all out and let it all out, usually in prayers to God. After that, I feel better already and my mind has cleared and ready to think of what I need to do.
Your mom owes it to herself more than anyone else to be able to live happily with her family. If your dad isn't going to be in it, well, sadly, she's just have to bear it. Anyway, you're all there for her, who love her and care for her. She will get thru this with all of your support. It isn't going to be easy, but it will be bearable.
2 people like this
@babyeve (1048)
• Seychelles
3 Oct 12
Yes I know the feeling. Hearing your Mum cry is the last thing anyone would like to hear. My Mum left my Dad a year ago and it was the most difficult moment of our lives. But until now things has fallen back into place and we are leading a comfortable life. You should definitely help your Mum by taking her away from where she is, she deserves all the happiness in the world.
You should convince your Mum to see things differently. I mean I know sometimes we got to fight for want we want in life, but what we want in life is not always what we need in the end. She deserves to live her lie and not the life that your Dad is living. If he want to be with his other family, so let him be, because even though your Mum is fighting with him just because she wants he to be by her side, it does not necessarily mean that your Dad wants be by her side.
You must remain strong for your Mum and help her to take the rightful decision Dear. :)
@jazel_juan (15746)
• Philippines
4 Oct 12
I do intend to help her go through all that and hopefully she will somehow listen.. i guess it is very hard for her as all these years she got used to having my dad there.. well there physically but barely there in other aspects. She just got used to it, she even gave up her career for him and i do not even know if my dad appreciates it! But yes i will be there for her.
1 person likes this
@babyeve (1048)
• Seychelles
4 Oct 12
Yes I know it must be hard for her. But she will eventually have to put herself first now. She has already sacrifice a lot for your Dad and now it's high time that she take care of herself for once. Your Dad at this point seems not to care at all how she feels, so there's no point in thinking about his feelings now. She must move forward without him for now.
@CatsandDogs (13963)
• United States
3 Oct 12
That's so sad jazel_juan. Your dad is in the wrong for making a family with another woman. Shame shame on him! As for your mom, all you can do is support her in whatever decision she makes. It may not be what you think is the right decision in your eyes but support her nonetheless. She's in a bad spot and needs all of your love and support. Ask her this, "why do you want to be with a man who doesn't love you? Because if he loved you, he wouldn't have made another family thus cheated on you." I say this because I was once in her shoes and to get my head on straight, I had to ask myself that very same question and came to realize that I deserved better than this and I left.
2 people like this
@CatsandDogs (13963)
• United States
5 Oct 12
Because of YOU?! What kind of father is he?! He's lower than scum! To blame you for HIS cheating is the lowest of the low! What he does and what you do are two entirely different things! He's married to your mother which means he's not supposed to be dipping his stick in anything other than your mother! No wonder you're bitter towards your father! Wow.... that's really messed up!
1 person likes this
@jazel_juan (15746)
• Philippines
4 Oct 12
I am hurt to admit that my dad's reason on this is he was able to cheat on her because of ME. I got pregnant early you see and when i asked my mom about his second family, she told me that the reason behind him cheating was me getting knocked out early. That's why i am also pissed off big time at him. but me and him is entirely different. how i wish my mom could move on, as i have moved on from him blaming me.
1 person likes this
@jazel_juan (15746)
• Philippines
5 Oct 12
Yes somehow a part of me scream those words cats.. it hurts he thinks that way.. and i found out about it as my mom told me about it too.
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
3 Oct 12
I am sorry to hear about your mom and dad. I can understand what you feel.
Maybe the eldest among you should talk first with your dad and find out the real reason why your mom cried that way to you. For sure he has something to say.
But i can feel your mom's hurt and opinion. If she is the legal wife, why would she let your dad go to the other family? At this point of their life, it should be the two of them living together until their old age. The other family can just go on with their lives, as in the past years. They can just be given "sustento" , if your dad can afford it.
So, someone should go to their place and help them settle things, before getting your mom .
2 people like this
@jazel_juan (15746)
• Philippines
4 Oct 12
The eldest is my brother, we are only two in the family. I told him about this and well i guess since he is a guy, he does not show anything but anger. That is why it is harder because it all goes to me, handling all emotional aspects of it. My brother could just easily dismiss it, he just told me to tell my mom to come home and that's it. I could not see anything else from him.
1 person likes this
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
5 Oct 12
Maybe he is so attached to your mom so all that he feels is anger to your dad.
At least, with what happened to your dad and mom, both of you will be apprehensive of not repeating the same mistake in the future. 
@WakeUpKitty (8694)
• Netherlands
3 Oct 12
I can understand partly what your mom means: she wants to fight what is hers. But the fact is.. her husband is not hers. Sounds like he loves to be somewhere else. True love is not posession, it also means you have to be able to let someone go. Wish this person the best he/she can get, even if this is not you. But true loves starts with loving yourself first. If you are not able to love yourself first, take care about yourself, pamper yourself, respect yourself nobody will do so. I think your mom forget about herself, her needs and wishes. She deserves someone who loves her for real as well. If you can't win the "battle" it's better to leave. Your dad.. he is an coward! A big one. If he doesn't want to be with your mom, is not willing to invest his time, energy, love in her he shouldn't be there at all. It's easy for him if she leaves, so he can blame her and doesn't need to look at his own behaviour. Still I would not like to waste the rest of my life with a guy like that. If you are alone or feel lonesome you know what you have. It's way worser to have a partner who doesn't want to be with you and makes you feel miserable every hour of the day. I think you and your brother are great kids, but it's your mom who has to end it and choose for her own life and happiness. I think with your help she will manage.
3 people like this
@jazel_juan (15746)
• Philippines
4 Oct 12
I could not help but agree with you, sadly, my mom indeed forgot all about herself after marrying my dad, she gave up her career - she graduated with a Bachelor in Commerce and was working as a bookkeeper before but my mom stopped her from working so she could focus on us but in the end he did not appreciated it 
i was too young to know it back then, i was even not yet born when she decided that.. i learned all of it lately when i also found out my dad has a family which i found out from another person not from him.
How i wish i could protect my mom from all the pain, she is a great mom, she made everythign for me and my brother so we could have a good life..it is just so sad my dad won't give what she deserves. I am planning on talking to her again tonight so she would come home and we will make sure she will be happier here.
i was too young to know it back then, i was even not yet born when she decided that.. i learned all of it lately when i also found out my dad has a family which i found out from another person not from him.
How i wish i could protect my mom from all the pain, she is a great mom, she made everythign for me and my brother so we could have a good life..it is just so sad my dad won't give what she deserves. I am planning on talking to her again tonight so she would come home and we will make sure she will be happier here.1 person likes this
@chentunacao (309)
• Philippines
3 Oct 12
It's not easy to be a part of a broken family. It's too long if I would share my story but for me it's better for my parents to get separated than being together without peace at home. They've been separated for many years and get used to it. Even felt good even I don't have them both.
3 people like this
@Thoroughrob (11742)
• United States
3 Oct 12
It is hard to get involved in our parents problems. We love them both, but if he is mistreating her, maybe she should come home. Of course, only if she wants to, because it has to be her choice.
2 people like this
@jazel_juan (15746)
• Philippines
3 Oct 12
Yes it is hard, now i understand why divorce is hard on small kids.. because even if i am an adult now, it is still hard for me, what more with a small kid and the parents are divorcing.
It is something hard to understand.
she told me she wants to come home and i hope she will be happy with the choice.
3 people like this
@GardenGerty (160696)
• United States
3 Oct 12
Some people just seem to be naturally in the middle and try to be the anchor and responsible, you are one of those people. You can feel both sides and see both sides of a situation. You want everyone to be happy and healthy and safe.
2 people like this
@jazel_juan (15746)
• Philippines
3 Oct 12
that sums up what i feel..yet its harder than it looks.
1 person likes this
@shaggin (72141)
• United States
4 Oct 12
Both my parents cry easily so I am used to it. I dont cry as easily as them as I have always hated crying in front of people so I have gotten really good at bottling it up inside me. I am sorry to hear this about your mother. If they fight all the time and miserable it is sad she wont leave him but its her life her choice and you cant force her to leave unfortunately.
1 person likes this
@adnileb (5276)
• Philippines
3 Oct 12
I know how you feel.
My father has other family too. But my Mon never cried about it.
She cries when she's about to give up on everything that she atried her best but everything turns out the other way around for my father's relatives.
The last time I heard my mom cry was the time when she knew that my father had an affair with OTHER woman.
And they had a child. It was heartbreaking for me too. I felt deaf upon hearing it and wanted to shout.
I know how my mom felt, I can feel it too like you feeling your mom's sadness.
Now, they are separated. And I got used to it. Last Christmas my father went to our house but it wasn't like the other Christmasses before.
This Christmas, I will celebrate it with my mom and maybe some relatives too.
Do your best to comfort your mom. Stay her away from anything that will make her sad.
Be strong. I know it is hard.
Thanks for sharing your story.
Have a nice day ahead.
My father has other family too. But my Mon never cried about it.
She cries when she's about to give up on everything that she atried her best but everything turns out the other way around for my father's relatives.
The last time I heard my mom cry was the time when she knew that my father had an affair with OTHER woman.
And they had a child. It was heartbreaking for me too. I felt deaf upon hearing it and wanted to shout.
I know how my mom felt, I can feel it too like you feeling your mom's sadness.
Now, they are separated. And I got used to it. Last Christmas my father went to our house but it wasn't like the other Christmasses before.
This Christmas, I will celebrate it with my mom and maybe some relatives too.
Do your best to comfort your mom. Stay her away from anything that will make her sad.
Be strong. I know it is hard.
Thanks for sharing your story.
Have a nice day ahead.2 people like this
@jazel_juan (15746)
• Philippines
3 Oct 12
i guess it really happens huh? i honestly feel like a little kid right now but then what is expected of me is more than that.
i want my mom here so i could comfort her and move on.
i honestly feel like a little kid right now but then what is expected of me is more than that.
i want my mom here so i could comfort her and move on.1 person likes this
