yes i really love him but i don't like him!!!

I have discovered that in those cases, I should not give any advise. I can help my friend by being there, but not by telling her what to do. There are many things I will never know and if I give advise, I might lose a friend whatever the outcome. And that would also be her lose.

Hey i can understand the situation your friend is going through. I would like to suggest her to stay with her husband even if she does not like him at least for the sake of her children. Children need love from both their parents and in case of a separation they are the most sufferers and tell her to ask her conscience if she is willing to see her children suffer because of her and her husband. No matter whether she likes him or not but she has to carry on this relationship that has gone through many ups and downs and try to sort out things with her husband asap. What say?

I think that it would be good for them if they had counseling. I'm sure there's something like that for this kinds of problem.

Life is too short to be miserable. i personally wouldn't give her too much advice, it could come back to bite you, lol. She needs to make her own mindup & then u can support her decision.

I can understand her for that but incompatibility can be remedied. If there are no force and mauling that happened between them, then she might as well stay. They can remain as friends. She has to try ignoring the character of her husband which she doesn't like. I guess love is not anymore existing between them. I would like to share with you a situation with a little similarity with hers. The wife is the one who has the big share in the financial support of the family as the husband is jobless. It's really hard to be a wife of a jobless person with all the insecurities that the husband has aside from being lazy. There are always trouble in the household. It's normal for the wife to get feed up specially that she still has to do the house works when she goes home from work. The remedy for the wife was to ignore her husband's way and not to take his weaknesses seriously. Now there is peace within the household.

First of all: you can not help your friend. It is her life she has to deal with it and decide what she wants to do with the rest of her life. Feeling unhappy, wasting a lot of energy in disliking the man she has to live with, perhaps even hating herself for that plus him, or go on with her life alone and give herself but also him the chance to find someone who will love them for real. There are many different kinds of love. You can love a good book, a fire, a closet, a dog, your neighbour, a good meal. But it doesn't mean you like to live with that all in one house or very close. I doubt she really loves her husband (getting used to someone through the years has nothing to do with that). I assume she is staying for the kids but since they are grown up I also think this is a small excuse. The kids will leave so it's time for her to make a decision. Fight for this marriage, make quality time for eachother, say what is on her mind to her husband and ask him to be less annoying (he might have problems with her behaviour as well) or let it be and leave. I think the only one that is really stopping her for leaving is the fact she is too afraid to start all over again. To many it's way more comfortable to stay into a bad marriage, at least you know what you have, as to find the courage to start all over again. And if they stay they find all kind of excuses why you do so. But if you decide to stay you have to accept the situation and NOT complain about it or fight for a better relationship.

When people say they stay for the sake of the kids, that just means they are scared to leave. to my personal happiness is the most important thing. If you are not happy how can you be a good parent or spouse? You must take care of yourself first,so you are well enough mentally and phyically to take care of others!

Hi there, I would be reluctant to give any advice based on the small amount of information here. I'm so surprised that others have been so quick to say "leave him" or "divorce him". Some people actually believe in their marriage vows. In my case, which was that I loved my husband but didn't like him at all, I believed I had to stand by the vows we took even though he had broken those vows. Marriage was for better or worse and I see too many couples splitting u as though those solemn vows no longer exist. Again in my case, our problem was a lack of communication...maybe a lack of ability to communicate. Being able to talk things out must solve a lot of problems I think. Bottom line, we only have a small amount of info from one partner. It's never fair to give advice based on a one sided version of a problem. Take care with your friend and help her without giving advice if you can.

hi aliahnicole my hubby used to say h ate a nd love are the two sidesd of a coin.but to me I am wondering how true that is really.I am thinking she may be sexually drawn to him but emotionally and intelligently she really dislikes even hates him and I cannot see her staying with him.for the sake of the children she should divorce and do it now, its not good to see parents at odds or fighting for the children.It is best to make a clean break at once.

I go through this kind of thing with my partner quite a lot, although we haven't been together anywhere near as long as two decades. I do know that I love him, and also know that we have a lot of history together so there is no way that I would want to end it with him. However a lot of the things that he does drive me mad, and sometimes I just sit in a room with him and can't think of anything that we have in common to talk about. But I think that we will get through this because love is always going to be the strongest emotion.

I don't know about the situation but I think she need to talk to his husband to resolve some issues and say what she don't like about. Wait for the reaction of the husband and justify something that husband did is not right. If the husband refuse to understand his wife...better for the wife to decide after the conversation. It's hard to say something when you love him but you hate him in the other side. Better to make a balance situation in that particular problem so that you can handle it right before deciding to let go off...

Well, this is a touchy subject for me, because it deals matrimonial matters, where there are children, in short, of the sons to consider. I do not know, and I do not even know why you two love and hate you at the same time. The solution, however, is to find an agreement that everyone can live without problems. I'm sorry, I will not give advice of any kind, because I do not want to have responsibility, even influence on choices so important.

If se hates to be with him, my thought is that she is with him for reasons other than love. Maybe he is her security and won't leave him because she might not make it on her own. I would suggest she decide what she really wants and then find a way to make it happen.

well it is a contrast and I think one can have one feeling at a time for anyone and not such a big confusion after spending 2 decades together. very sad. I think they just don't want to be together anymore and giving reasons now because of the kids. Better separate but not say love him but not like. if it was lately would be fine but after 2 decades is like insane. Time to think about the kids. Thanks for sharing and have a wonderful day ahead.

Sound so heart breaking , I would not know exactly what to say if my friend come to me for advice in such situation . I would have to first understand what has her husband done to let her cant stand him anymore ? I believe it is possible to love someone even if they are not good for you . I think she will have to know if its time to call it quiets , their children is grown so they can divorce if they have been trying for 2 decades and had no positive change.

Why did they get married in the first place? It sounds like they went into this marriage not being compatable at all! After twenty years they still aren't? Does either one work at this marraige? Sounds like when my parents were married! I think I know why they got married but why they stayed together is beyond me! If a person is not happy and the other person refuses to help to make the relationship better,it is time to leave! This couple's kids are old enough to understand what is going on. They won't be happy but they will deal with it!

These hypocrites! Getting married & staying married only 'as long as they're having a good time!' Marriage IS NOT a recreational exercise! When she married that man, was she just BS-ing God & -those gathered there when she 'made all those promises?' No! I mean, I understand wanting to be 'separate'; but you don't need to DIVORCE him! Just sleep in separate beds! in separate bedrooms! Live in different houses, if you need to! But she & he should promise to stay true ... it'll be like when they were first going-out

Staying married and still being in love can be a difficult task. I'm sure there are people who are still in love and married for 30 years. Relationships takes work many people when they get married they stop putting in the work and take their partner for granted. It's important to always let your partner know you love them. No matter how long you've been together try to keep the relationship new by doing new things and keeping the relationship new. I hope the relationship works out for your friend.

hello there... as for me, she should stay with his husband till end. her love is enough reason and their three kids to live with him. i guess, she needs to talk with him. a heart to heart talk she would ask to have with him. maybe her problem could get resolutions what is the root of the problem she have with his husband. i do not agree much to last the marriage even the bible said that no one can separate the couples which being held by God to one if intense problem occurred and that really, they need to separate lives. but they can give a try by talking the main source of the problem why his husband did it to her. at least their relationship is worth trying to appeal for another chance to live each one happy again harmoniously.

i think mainly she has to think about her kids,but if she cant stay with her husband enymore so she can leave him,coz no one can spend the life without happiness.but kids need a mom,so if you love him and but you feel he riding you crazly so you should talk to him and try to understand him about you and your feeling,if he loves you may be he'll get you other wise he's realy crazy,so you better leave him and ask him to take care of kids,but dont miss your kids.