How do you live with an unsupportive mate?

hi sallyj has he always been like that? so cold and unhelpful like that? shame on him.So it was hard for him,poor stupid baby. I think I would jolt his nibs. tell him you are honestly thinking of getting a divorce and finding a man who could love you and truly care about you.tell him how hurt you are.talk it over and threaten divorce. might shake him up into realizing he let you down.

Wow that is a very long marriage by todays standards! Most people dont make it 39 years. So has your husband always been so unsupportive or is this a new behavior for him? If its new then maybe he is struggling about something? If communication has been good in the past then I would sit down and have a talk just the two of you.

Gee, he has more nerve than your spinal column! My ex was the same way, and sure as the sun comes up he had the same situation where he had to go in and get something done. He wanted me right there with him because he was frightened. They say pay back in he11, and I am proof of that. The doctor who was dealing with my ex was also the one that had pulled the "I won't hold your hand --and it was so hard for me to see all of this going on". I didn't have to do the pay back, the doctor did it for me!!! I had had the doctor to remove some stitches and some staples. I knew it was going to hurt like crazy and needed my ex for moral support. Of course he cowarded out on me. So when the doctor was removing some stitches from me ex, the doctor first smacked the area several times to see if it hurt (the doctor winked at me when he started the procedure) and then he clipped the stitches and then he made sure that when he pulled them out he pulled them out knot side through the hole rather than the knot first so that the removal wouldn't hurt. As my ex sat squirming and "ouching", the doctor started talking about a patient that was concerned about getting her stitches removed and the husband wouldn't support her by simply holding her hand. He emphasized it by "accidentally" pinching the skin where he was grabbing the stitches. Finally he decided to bandage the area and he managed to lose the gauze covering and the tape landed on the area that was still healing. The doctor uttered "oops" and ripped the tape off and then did the bandage right. As we were leaving the office the doctor reached out and gave my shoulder a squeeze and he muttered in my ear "got him!!!" and he laughed as he walked off. My ex wanted to know what that was all about and I told him the truth, that it was because he was such an insensitive uncaring twit that couldn't even be bothered holding my hand when I really needed him! About a year later I dumped the heartless bas-ard. I now have a boyfriend that is so wonderful and he is right there beside me for every procedure that happens, whether it is just getting my blood pressure taken or being at my side in recovery after surgery. He even demands to be in recovery for me. If they don't let him in, I start calling for him when I come out of the anesthesia and won't settle down until they bring him in.

As long as you have been together I do not think he is going to change. I think I would just be happy myself if he was there with me even if that was it. I understand if he was too nervous to be close to you and hold your hand. I was there when my sister had her last child and I wanted so bad to stay right by her side but I kept fainting lol.

This is one of the many reasons I am single for life! There are to many things to worry about in a relationship! This is one of the worst things to have in a relationship,an unsupportive mate! I had alot of bad experiences with men and I even had a boyfriend who was like this! It was the worst relationship I ever had! It was the start of me realizing men are not for me! They can't be trusted and way to much work!!

I can definitely say that I would not be happy with something like that at all. You know my husband went through chemotherapy last year and I was right there by his side through every one of his doctor's visits and sitting in the infusion suite with him while he had every one of his treatments as well. However, despite the fact that I've always been there for him, there are times that he doesn't really seem to appreciate everything that I've done for him.

Why was it "hard for him?" Was it hard for him to see you in pain, or hard for him because it was inconvenient? Either way, I think people need to support eachother. In January I needed to have a needle in my FACE to check for a tumour, and my husband was right there holding my hand. I'd have probably divorced him, if he wasn't. LOL

I would have had a hard time holding your hand too....I am the kind that passes out when something happens to someone I love..if it were a stranger I would be okay...but not someone that I love. I understand his dilemma..totally. But I understand how you feel too...it would have been nice for him to suck it up a bit..

iF I WROTE DOWN WHAT I'S DO MYLOT WOULD NOT PRINT IT, LOL.

I would call this a a time for a "Come to Jesus conversation." Tell him how you feel and that unless he can be helpful you don't want him around when you are going through these very painful times. If you have friends, other family members or just church members that support each other in times of need now is the time to call onthem to help you. Maybe once he realizes howhard this is for you he will stop being so self centered. Blessings.

I have been through a time where my partner wasn't very supportive of me, but I like to think that we have been able to get through that and are now a lot stronger as a couple. He didn't have a job when we met, and would let me go out to work and then come home and I would find that none of the work had been done around the house. This meant that I then had to do everything on my own. I spoke to him a few times about it and now things are a lot better between us and I am very glad about this.

I would understand that all people don't react well to hospitals and sickness. He may have some deep hidden phobias or fears associated with illness. You've been with this man for 39 years. If you don't know and understand your man by now, you never will and no advice given by friends, family or strangers on the internet can help you know him better. What has your relationship been like before this incident? Has the marriage been basically happy? Is he normally loving and giving? Is he different from the man you met, married and loved for all these years? Perhaps the marriage has been on the rocks already and this is just the nail in the coffin? Perhaps you are just looking for a pity party? Find some friends and cry on their shoulder how your husband is just not sensitive your needs. Wallow in the pity they will bestow on you. Or better yet, ask these same friends to tell you about their unhealthy relationships. After hearing how awful some women are being treated may make your husband look like prince charming.

Oh sorry to hear that you are in so much pain. I do feel for you but you are with him for so long and sure you know him better. Thanks for sharing and have a wonderful day ahead.