Should i reached out first or should he be?

Philippines
October 10, 2012 1:23am CST
Last night my boyfriend and i had a fight. We had this deal that he will always update me with what he do or where he will be but last night he didn't update me the whole day and the whole night. In the middle of the night, he called me and sounded drunk. I was so angry because he didn't even manage to call me the whole day and all the while i thought he was asleep already but then he was out there hanging out with his friends. Today i haven't texted him yet nor him texting me. Should i make the first move or wait until he does.
2 people like this
19 responses
@cupkitties (7421)
• United States
10 Oct 12
Let him call you when he's ready. In the future you should probably cut him some no A LOT of slack on the constant updates. I mean, how does that go "Hi honey, just calling to let you know I'm sitting on the toilet. Yeah. Too many tacos".... Kinda creepy. You're suppose to be his girlfriend, not his mama.
• United States
10 Oct 12
^^Sorry if I seem rude by saying that, I don't mean to. I'm just trying to say that being forced to all ways tell you every little thing he's doing may or may not be the cause of his action. It makes a person feel caged. I've been on that side of the fence so I know.
@aejey322 (1004)
• Philippines
10 Oct 12
it makes me remember the same issues we had with my bf before... Just like you, we also had an agreement to update each other's wherabouts. One night, he texted me asking how I was... Then I told him I was at home finishing some chores and about to sleep. He then told me good night. And I even replied that hope he will have a sound sleep, too. The day after, I overheard one of his friends talking about their night-out and I found out that my bf was with them. I was really in rage to know it. And I didn't talk to him. He also have not communicated with me for a time. But in the end, he still was the one who made the first move. Save your poise... Let him realize his mistakes.
• Philippines
10 Oct 12
hey aejey322! i bet we are not just the ones who had experienced this situation. :) anyway, i will save my poise.. thank you!
@sjvenden27 (1840)
• United States
11 Oct 12
I can understand your frustration that you have with your boyfriend for breaking a deal that you too made together.. I am not sure if this was the first time that he did this or it is a new bad habit... If it was the first time; hear him out.. Maybe he had a bad day or something, and starting cooling down before contacting you.. Started drinking and before he realized it, he had too much to drink.. But if this is a new habit that he has done before well I would just wait.. Personally I do not like drunkness and or stupidty that comes with drinking.. I am just trying to give you a couple veiw points so you can come up with your own opinion.. Every person is different and situations may be similar but never exactly the same.. impossible if you really think about it.. So if its something out of the norm I would contact him out of consern, just express your feelings about him not calling all day and then calling when he was wasted.. But if its an everyday thing... Not trying to be rude or mean but wait on him and dont let him come around right away... drunkness is stupid.. and a waste of time... (my room mates' a drunk, well wont be long before Im gone)
@jkct02 (2874)
• Kota Kinabalu, Malaysia
11 Oct 12
Love is real, real is love. Love is feeling, feeli - Love is real, real is love
Love is feeling, feeling love
Love is wanting to be loved

Love is touch, touch is love
Love is reaching, reaching love
Love is asking to be loved

Love is you
You and me
Love is knowing
We can be

Love is free, free is love
Love is living, living love
Love is needing to be loved
I feel that lovers should trust each other. If there is only suspicion and accusation, if it is so pressurized, if there is no space to breath between two persons, could both be happily staying together for life? Love is encompassing. Don't drill in small and petty matters. 'He is my boyfriend. I love him. I trust him. I know he will do all he can to love me.' That is enough if you think that way. Other things are just some flaws that is a part of life.
17 Oct 12
of course you have to wait to let him know he did something wrong. anyway, girls need to be protected
• United States
10 Oct 12
Girl, I say wait it out. He didn't call or text you and went out drinking because he was being spiteful and stubborn. I wouldn't call him. He will call, trust me. He's waiting to see if you will give in first, but don't. Believe it or not, men are more emotional creatures than us women, they just express their emotions differently, such as going out and getting drunk. He'll call you sooner or later, don't sweat it...especially if he was the one in the wrong. It's going to eat him up inside knowing that he started the argument that lead to this.
• Philippines
10 Oct 12
Thank you for the advice! I can sense u are a strong woman. =)
@artemeis (4194)
• China
11 Oct 12
Before you consider who should make the first move here, I want to ask if you have your boyfriend in your heart. Because, if you do not have then what's the point of continuing with this relationship or even ask who should make the first move. In the first place, I wonder the purpose of summarizing the day's event for the both of you unless your purpose is one of for the sake of talking subject. Yet, other than summarizing the days' events isn't there anything else worth talking about? Can the both of you talk about something else? What about trying to understand why he got drunk in this incident? Aren't you concern if he has met with some problems? Aren't you concern about his health?
• Philippines
10 Oct 12
For me, it's better to wait for him to call you. I guess he will explain his side when he's already ready. Maybe he's still asleep. LOL. I hope you will be both okay. Don't let your pride control you. You can also call him first. You should tell him that you're only worried that's why you got angry at him. He should realize his mistakes and won't do it again. Goodluck to both of you. Happy mylotting.
@jaiho2009 (39141)
• Philippines
11 Oct 12
There is nothing for you to do the first move. Texting him won't harm nor hurt your pride. You love him and he is your boyfriend so there is nothing wrong asking his condition. Maybe a simple hello, how are you will do.
@grkelly (1206)
• Malta
10 Oct 12
Personally I would not talk to him. He does not deserve somebody who cares about him because he did not bother to care about you.
@Jenith (1381)
• Philippines
10 Oct 12
Hi! Is he really drunk? Do you warn him not to drink liquor? If not, then why you got mad if he got drunk? Just a thought though.
@mikyung (2232)
• Philippines
10 Oct 12
If you think it is right to be the first one, just go ahead. Whoever makes the first move will be the same effect, there is no issue on that. This is not to prolong the "cold war" which will hurt your relationship eventually. I hope that you both will work on to fix any issue. Really, it takes two to tango. Welcome to myLot.
• India
11 Oct 12
Iam also a guy. But i love my girlfriend very much. I always stay in contact with her whatever i do. I always update her whenever it is possible. And i expect same from her too. And she always update me whenever possible. As it is your boyfriend's fault. You shouldn't contact him. Watch that when he contacts you. If he doesn't contact you then realize that he doesn't loves you.
• Philippines
10 Oct 12
For me I don't like to have a deal with my girlfriend to update her about my doings and undertakings for the whole day. It a matter of trusting your partner. I want to give her a freedom in terms of hanging around with anybody except for for something outside your relationship.
@ellyse2003 (1463)
• Philippines
10 Oct 12
I think, you have to wait, let him realize that he's wrong and he has to apologize to you. Don't worry, everything will be okay. In a relationship, things happen, and everything will then work out. Maybe today your boyfriend is still sleeping, you know, hang over...
@pals101 (2010)
• Philippines
10 Oct 12
I think you should wait for awhile. If he does not call you within 24hours, I think its time to call him. Maybe really there is something wrong with him.. For now, just wait being the girl and also its his fault why you get mad at him.
• India
10 Oct 12
You should make the first move. Trust me it is the most correct and calm way. He is your boyfriend. Ofcourse you have some feelings for him. Why to hesitate to express it. One more thing, you should be truthful to yourself. Are you feeling like to text him and not doing same in your ego??? or are you not feeling to text him at all??? n if at all you make the first move that would be purely a formality??? I do not say you to bow down to him..but if you feel like texting..just do it keeping aside any questions that are popping inside your head. You are correct in doing so. He will know that. If he continues to avoid you, it is not your fault!! And yes if your relationship is healthy...then his situation would exactly same as yours...so DO IT!!
@fatlex06 (895)
• Philippines
10 Oct 12
Oh. I think you should wait for his call. Don't make your first move yet till he knew that he was the one who's wrong. He must be fair in whatever deal you have together. Chill girl. Just wait for his text or call. If I were in your situation, I would feel the same thing. So don't feel guilty for not you texting nor calling him. :)
10 Oct 12
You have to be firm. He has to do the first move. I think you have a right to feel that way and get angry. You don't have to apologize if you know you are right.