Am I over-reacting?

United States
October 11, 2012 11:46pm CST
My husband is almost 40 years old....he has a friend/younger brother type that is in his early 20's that had a rough way to go growing up and no father figure. He and my husband work together and over time my husband has kind of taken the guy under his wing and become more like a mentor/older brother type to him. The guy just had a little baby girl a few months ago and he named my husband the god-father. He really looks up to my husband a lot and I think that my husband is a pretty good role-model for him when it comes to being a husband and a father and all-around good man. The guy still has a kind of rough home life...he still lives at home with him mom because she needs help with her bills....she is only in her late 30's and has had a string of failed relationships over the years that have left her filing bankruptcies, messing up her credit and always searching for something that she can't find, along with having a new guy in her life every other week (according to her son) Ok, so here's the problem. Over time, as he and my husband got closer, my husband would go pick him up or drop him off from work so he wouldn't have to ride the bus or pick him up on a weekend so he could stay at our house....so eventually, my husband met the mom. I have met the mom as well at a cook out that they had and she seemed nice enough to me....I never would have guessed that she had her eye on my husband the whole time. He is her age, successful, father-like to her son, good looking, responsible....only one problem...HE'S MARRIED! With children! She and my husband were friends on Facebook and, at the time, I didn't have anything against her. My husband told me a few weeks ago that she was sending him pictures and messages, coming on to him and asking about our marriage and saying other things that I'm not going to repeat...my husband showed me the messages and said that he put her off...I made him block her and that was that.... Flashback a bit: At the beginning of our relationship (10 years ago), I'll just say that my husband had his fun and didn't take our relationship as seriously as he should have. I forgave him and we moved on and as far as I know, for the last nine years, he has been faithful and not given me a reason to suspect or accuse him of anything. But there is still a small trust issue that I don't ever think will go away. Now, the mom's house was broken into last night and the son has no idea about anything that was said between his mother and my husband. And he wants my husband to go stay over there tonight in case something would happen. I told my husband HELL NO!! Well, he's pretty pissed with me right now. For one, my husband has a family at home. He's too old for slumber parties. Secondly, the guy can come stay here tonight....frankly I don't care about his mother, she can have one of her many boyfriends come protect her tonight. My husband doesn't see the problem, but I very much do and he doesn't want to have to tell the son why and doesn't want to say that I said no, because...well, that just looks bad. A wife telling her husband no, as if he were a child. I don't honestly believe that he would do anything, but I still can't make myself comfortable enough to be OK with it. Now my husband and I are walking through the house not speaking because he says that I'm over re-acting...am I?
2 people like this
6 responses
@riyauro (6421)
• India
12 Oct 12
Oh hell no..I don't think you are over reacting to this. I think it is time that you think about your own family. there are people ready to take advantage of your goodness. so start being strict now. I think there is something fishy. The mother must have only broken in so that she can have your husband at her house. Just stay away from them. Do not let your husband go. Make any excuse possible, fall down acting to faint but do not let him go there. you can do it, he is your husband. Who knows? the son must be knowing it.. I am curious and that vibe is coming to me. Thanks for sharing and have a wonderful day ahead.
1 person likes this
• United States
12 Oct 12
I don't think that the son knows anything about it, I know my husband wouldn't have said anything to him about his mother saying such things. The son is the one that called to see if he would do it, but the fact that the mom is there...HELL NO! Lol...acting to faint is a good one. I'm going to have to try that!!
• India
12 Oct 12
I don't think so. Every person should be concern about their relationship. So you are. And your husband is not thinking about your prospect. You have to make him understand the right thing. Maybe he is loyal to you, but he is not understanding the wrong intention of that woman.
@verolop29 (1096)
• United States
12 Oct 12
I am just curious how do u put those smiley faces on ur posts?!
@verolop29 (1096)
• United States
13 Oct 12
Thanks! I always woundered what that was for...
• United States
12 Oct 12
Thank you! And I agree Sometimes, you just have to wait for the initial anger to pass and explain to people why you go upset to begin with. He said that he understands and that he was being inconsiderate of my feelings. I'm glad that he can see that. Thanks for sharing and have great night.
@emerillus (467)
• Philippines
12 Oct 12
The nerve of that woman! No, your're not over-reacting because you're just concerned about that woman going out-of-bounds without considering how you would feel as his wife. Why, did she summon your husband, when she has boyfriends? Didn't she have her own son living with her who should be the one looking into the matter of breaking-in at her house? How about the police? She's not your husband's responsibility even if they are close friends because he has his own family to watch out for. Maybe you can ask your husband those questions I've asked. What do you think?
• United States
12 Oct 12
Great minds think alike Those are exactly the points that I made. If the son didn't want to be there, he should have just came over here to begin with. He's here any other time. Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if the mom put him up to it. And to be frank, that woman is interested in anything that has male parts, if you catch my drift. I'm just glad that my husband finally understood where I was coming from although it took hours of us not speaking for him to apologize for being inconsiderate. I think that maybe he got upset because he knows that HE wouldn't do anything, but that doesn't matter. It's the principle of the whole situation. Sometimes I wonder how she got such a great kid, because she only cares about herself and her son is such a sweetie. Thanks for sharing and have a great night!
@verolop29 (1096)
• United States
12 Oct 12
I think ur overreacting a little bit. Like on a scale of 1-10 u r at a 3 maybe a 4...because for one thing he's ur hubby! He would never even think about being intimat with another woman, especially to someone like this guys mother, it would just be too weird! U r a beautiful, smart and the mother to his kids so ur overdoing it a lil in that department! Now if he didn't show u the msgs that she sent him....then yes by all mean raise hell by since he did... But she was way out of line when she asked him to 'come over'. She should have ask u BOTH instead of just him. U should totally confront her about that issue before it progresses. That lady should have called the cops if she were that scared! If it were me in that sinerio I would be 100% ok with it. I trust my husband and visa versa. I wouldn't flip like u but I would talk about it. And together we would both along with our kids go over to this said lady's house and have a decent civilized conversation and talk. And the problem would resolve itself! I wouldn't try to stop my husband from going. My hubby would insist that if they feel that way they should come stay the night with us or he'd pay for a room at a hotel if she feels that way. We have been togethelr as long as u have give or take a few years....and I KNOW him. And he knows me. But that's just ME! I'm weird-so what!!! I'm a little confused here: I do hope by now that u 2 have made up and that he's not sleeping with the dogs lol!
• United States
12 Oct 12
Lol...he's not sleeping with dogs...at least not tonight I know him as well, I just always have in the back of my mind that he screwed around before...even though it was 10 years ago and I should have let it go by now, but when things like this come up, it's like it happened yesterday. And I know that he gets frustrated with me about it, but he doesn't understand what it's like. And there's no way that I can go to that woman's house...after I found out about the messages (I didn't put this in the above post because it's really irrelevant) but I went to her house and knocked on her door and confronted her. She tried to deny it, but I had the messages pulled up on my phone and showed them to her. Once she was busted in the lie, she didn't have anything to say, she didn't even say that she was sorry. She's trash. I told her that if I wasn't such a lady, that I would knock her block off. She started to act like she was going to come at me and I told her that I don't wrestle with pigs, that's the man's job. And I left. I think the thing was that, he didn't really think about how I would react to it. It was the son who called him, not the mom. The son is here now. I told my husband to go pick him up and he can stay here tonight and his trashy mom can have someone else go over there and watch the house. I don't even know if she knew that the son called my husband, but all is well in our house now. He said he understands why I re-acted the way that I did, but he didn't really think about it to begin with. He said he was sorry for being inconsiderate and that he got mad because he didn't want to have to tell the son that his hussy of a mother was acting like trash and he didn't want to tell him that he wasn't coming because I told him no. Lol So, we compromised and he came over here for the night!
@verolop29 (1096)
• United States
12 Oct 12
I'm happy to hear that! I was a little worried-I know I have no real right to be but that's me! I look forward to ur next post!! Have a good day
@roshigo58 (4859)
• Pune, India
12 Oct 12
Hi, I don't think that you are over reacting. Because that woman is calling your husband for a company even if she has boyfriends. Your reaction of saying no to your husband for this very right.
@ajlasent (536)
• Philippines
12 Oct 12
No.I don't think you're over reacting at all. I had the same reaction in my head when the younger guy friend wanted him to sleep over there. Totally HELL NO! I mean, the woman should know your husband is married. Why would she even do that?! Just ugh. Some people, crossing lines and not knowing boundaries. If she's just being thankful to him about being a good role model to her son, she's doing it the wrong way. x_x Maybe your husband really doesn't see the woman as anything more than just a friend but she obviously likes him, well.. sending pictures and all that. If he stays over (not saying at all that he should or he would) the woman would get all encouraged that she could get away with things, get ideas into her head. ugh. grrr. why would she do something like that. seriously?! your husband has been good to her son, but to come on to a married man with children and a family to look after is just wrong. I hope you guys get to fix this fiasco soon and that it doesn't turn unto anything more serious. .