How do you deal with regrets?
By silentwill
@silentwill (1685)
Philippines
October 19, 2012 10:10am CST
I used to have a motto which was posted on my blog:
I'm living life with no regrets. That is my gamble.
And true enough, I've done a lot of things, made a lot of decisions in my life that didn't go well and even put me in misery. But I never regret them. Because as I told myself, I learned from them. I grew wise because of my failures and mistakes.
But now I'm learning something else, it's that regret doesn't only come from things that you do, but also for things you didn't. Because now I'm filled with so much regret. For not showing and telling my dad how much I love him. For not visiting him sooner when he was at the hospital instead of waiting when it was too late when I easily could have. For not paying much attention to him even knowing he was in pain both physically and worse emotionally. For not being there for him. For not being a goid son to him. Because now there is no more chance to do those. I'll never see him alive. I'll never be able to talk to him, to kiss him, to hug him. And no amount of tears can bring him back. He's left us and there is nothing anyone can do about it.
Sometimes my mind tricks me into thinking he knew how I feel all along. But I don't know. It feels like I only think that way to comfort myself, to lessen the guilt I feel. But then I also don't want to blame and punish myself too much, because I know that if he can see me he will not be happy to see me that way.
How about you? Do you comfort yourself to ease your regret by diverting your thoughts to other things that may balance what you did or did not do that you regret? Or do you look at it as a cross you have to bear that you should be constantly be reminded of because you feel you deserve it?
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13 responses
@mikyung (2232)
• Philippines
19 Oct 12
I can really relate here. I have made many decisions which was bound to fail. I even branded myself as a failure. But here I am, still fighting, I gradually moving up, getting up from a previous one. I'm doing my best to give myself some opportunities for improvement, such us updating myself in the current trends in my career in accounting and finance. Through this, I may be better equipped to face the challenges of times in my career. I have also regrets in my past relationships. Betrayals it is. I'm striving to move on and learn my lessons, that is to give focus on things that matters. Thanks
2 people like this
@silentwill (1685)
• Philippines
20 Oct 12
Good luck in your career I'm sure you'll be able to bounce back. I didn't get to that point that I would call myself a failure, in my case I guess I brand myself a bad son.
@toxic_lifestyle (1213)
• Philippines
19 Oct 12
I deal with my regrets by simply forgetting them. :)
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@silentwill (1685)
• Philippines
19 Oct 12
I don't want to forget. Because in forgetting, I may be at risk of doing (or in this case not doing) it again. I have to remember how painful it is, and if I may have to, torture myself in recollecting the events that led to this unfortunate event, if that's what it'll take go prevent it from happening again. Life goes on. But I'm not moving on. To move on means to some degree to forget. I choose to move forward and bring everything with me.
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@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
19 Oct 12
Don't regret and don't ever apply the word regret in your life. What is done cannot be undone. If we regret of our past mistakes it will haunt us forever which will not be healthy for our future. We learn through our mistakes and every wrong decisions we made in the past become our great teacher that make us a better person.
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@silentwill (1685)
• Philippines
19 Oct 12
@zandi458 I agree that we should not let ourregrets haunt us forever and instead use it to avoid repeating the same mistakes. In fact shat I'm really saying is I never regret anything that I've done. Instead, it's those things I didn't do that I could have, should have that are making me feel guilty. With things that we do we can take responsibility for committing a mistake or choosing the wrong decision. But it's easier to live with that. Because you know you tried but it just didn't work. It's harder for me to accept though that I didn't even try. And that I believe will haunt me forever because the consequence is something that can never be remedied ever.
@silentwill (1685)
• Philippines
19 Oct 12
@kameko I wish it were as easy as that. But in my case saying sorry can never rectify what has transpired. Yes I did say sorry multiple times but my father won't hear it anymore. There are some mistakes that you still have a chanceto correct or at least make up for. But when the person you wish to make up to is gone, it creates a void thatcan never be filled. Atleast that's how it feels for me.
@thesids (22180)
• Bhubaneswar, India
20 Oct 12
Hi silentwill
great discussion
Well, personally I have only one regret which has been haunting me since 1995 and I have never been able to overcome it - I wanted to buy something for my grandfather whom I loved more than anyone else but he passed away before I got my first pay/salary.
Except that, I have never felt regretful of anything until now. Yes, it is a fact. And I know why and how I have been this way. I never think twice about any action that I did. I have a simpler logic and understanding of why people regret - there are a few reasons only and things fall in following categories -
1. I did something in the past that I should not have done - But hey, I did it and when I did that I believed that it would be fine as if I did not believe that, I wouldnt have done it! Right? So with change of time why should anything of history change?
2. Someone else did something and I feel bad and regret I for something... But hey, it is the other person who did that and why and who am I to judge what and why of his/her actions? The Lord above does see everything and He will take care of what should and would eventually happen.
Well, I know many dont agree to this belief of mine, but then, it is them and their beliefs. This belief has kept my life much simpler and I will stick to this as it is my belief.
great discussion
Well, personally I have only one regret which has been haunting me since 1995 and I have never been able to overcome it - I wanted to buy something for my grandfather whom I loved more than anyone else but he passed away before I got my first pay/salary.
Except that, I have never felt regretful of anything until now. Yes, it is a fact. And I know why and how I have been this way. I never think twice about any action that I did. I have a simpler logic and understanding of why people regret - there are a few reasons only and things fall in following categories -
1. I did something in the past that I should not have done - But hey, I did it and when I did that I believed that it would be fine as if I did not believe that, I wouldnt have done it! Right? So with change of time why should anything of history change?
2. Someone else did something and I feel bad and regret I for something... But hey, it is the other person who did that and why and who am I to judge what and why of his/her actions? The Lord above does see everything and He will take care of what should and would eventually happen.
Well, I know many dont agree to this belief of mine, but then, it is them and their beliefs. This belief has kept my life much simpler and I will stick to this as it is my belief.
@silentwill (1685)
• Philippines
21 Oct 12
I too believe we should not regret our actions and decisions especially if at the time we did and made them we thought it would be for the best. The only thing I really regret is not being able to take care and visit my father and show him how much I care. This will haunt me forever because there's no way to correct it anymore now that he's gone.
@silentwill (1685)
• Philippines
21 Oct 12
That's exactly how I feel. I never want to forget what happened not because I'd like to punish myself but so that I will always be reminded that time is indeed precious and we must not waste the chances given to us to show our feelings to our loved ones.
Never wait, before it's too late.
@thesids (22180)
• Bhubaneswar, India
21 Oct 12
I can very well understand that feeling of regret my friend. I too am living with one such regret and it is not quite possible for me to get over it... or maybe somewhere I dont want to get over it as it keeps reminding me that Time is Precious and we should try our best to do the things at the right time.
@Astroboy13 (57)
• Philippines
23 Oct 12
Surely your dad can see you now and he knows how you feel and will not want to see you keep being hard on yourself for what already happened. He'd want you to be happy and just learn this time to take better care of your loved ones who are still with you. He does not want you to forget him but he wants you to remember him for the happy times and not woth the sad events you can no longer change.
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@silentwill (1685)
• Philippines
23 Oct 12
I hope he can see me niw and can read my mind and what's in my heart. I never wl forget the happy times and you're right I should always remember him for that. But at the same time I don't want to forget my mistakes so that I will avoid committing it again. I'm sure he'd like for me to take that lesson to heart.
@silentwill (1685)
• Philippines
24 Oct 12
I think it's okay to be sad. I miss him and I can't still believe he's gone. Maybe in time I will no longer be sad but definitely I will always miss him.
@Astroboy13 (57)
• Philippines
23 Oct 12
You're correct he wants you to learn from that but he also wants for you to not be sad about it anymore.
@Bhebelen14 (5194)
• Philippines
19 Oct 12
Hi silentwill, I've done a lots of things in the past, some of them are good and some are bad. Sometimes I regret what i had done in the past but when come to think of it all of those mistakes and stupidity I've done it help me to become matured and a better person. I have some regrets in life but i know i can't turn back the past to fixed it but i have enough time to make sure not to do it anymore.
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@silentwill (1685)
• Philippines
19 Oct 12
That's the best I could do now, to make sure I never repeat the same mistake twice. I wish we could turn back time but it will never happen.
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@CarlHalling (3617)
• United Kingdom
20 Oct 12
That is a very sad story; I'm sorry. Like many people, my life is full of painful regret. I think it's fair to say that some days it's very bad, other days, not so bad. I guess you could say I concentrate on the present and the future, rather than the past, when I can; because it doesn't always work. But when I have the power, I work to make the present - and so hopefully also - the future better. To try and make up for the past. I can do nothing to change the past; but I can make it more bearable by making the present, and so the future, as good as I can. I'm not as young as I was, so it's not always easy: I have health issues...and suffer energy slumps and so on...but when I can, I work, work, work, to make things as good as they can. I may not succeed; but as long as the days keep coming, and I have enough strength, I work to make things better. I wish you the best in the future, and that things get better for you.
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@silentwill (1685)
• Philippines
21 Oct 12
We should definitely focus on the future. On how we can do better and improve ourselves. The past will serve as a remembrance of lessons learned from good or bad experiences. I'd say we should all do it this way:
Learn from the past.
Live in the present.
Strive for the future.
@jaiho2009 (39141)
• Philippines
20 Oct 12
I don't regret for things that I have done.
There is no sense on regretting things after it is done.
I am also one of those people who doesn't regret things after it was done.
Rather I would count it as great lesson, an experience that teaches me lesson/s as references in the future.
@silentwill (1685)
• Philippines
20 Oct 12
The lessons we learn are the things we take from the mistake we've done. The price that we pay differs from each mistake.
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
20 Oct 12
I have dealt with a lot of frustrations in my life and regretted not being able to do some and regretted doing some. The main thing I did was to focus my attention on the positive things than sulk on them. Thinking about them will do me no good, anyway. But everything is in the past and all I can do is to make things better for the future.
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@silentwill (1685)
• Philippines
20 Oct 12
I agree it's better to focus on the positive but I think it's also good that we remind ourselves of our mistakes because if we forget, we might repeat them.
@arizen (152)
• Philippines
19 Oct 12
I don't believe in regretting the things I did because if I never did it, I will always be haunted by "what if". The regret over the things I "could have done" are those that really haunt me. In a way, yes, they can haunt you and you can lament over them. But life goes on. What we can do is to avoid committing the same mistake of taking for granted the opportunities that life presents to us.
@silentwill (1685)
• Philippines
19 Oct 12
I totally agree. I always say I hate what if's because there are two sides to that: things could have been better or it could have been worse. There's no point in dwling with that. And like you I still firmly believe that we should not regret our actions even if they result in something bad. But I just can't help but regret the things I never did. And I vow to myself not to repeat those kinds of taking for granted because we never know when will our loved ones or or ourselves be gone from this world so we should not think twice on letting know how we feel before it's too late.
@ARIES1973 (11426)
• Legaspi, Philippines
19 Oct 12
Hi silentwill! I must admit, there are things that I should have done before but due to some unavoidable circumstances, I was not given a chance to do it. There are also things that I should have done earlier but I have done late or some things that that I should have done on a later part but I have done earlier. But things were done already and there is no way for me to return back to the time. Maybe what I can do is to do better, learn from the mistakes I had committed and move on in order to achieve a better life.
@vidhyaprakash_2 (7116)
• India
17 Nov 12
In our life we have a lot of regrets. But there is no use in worrying about a thing after we passed it. We must be expressive and try our maximum to express our thoughts and opinion at the proper time to avoid future regrets. Present is the great gift from god, we must use it in a proper way to avoid future regrets also we don't get any benefits by regretting about the past activities. As we don't have the ability to go back to the past and change that thing.
It is really hard to see a person without regrets, each and every one is having our own regrets. But we must avoid worrying about the past things and concentrate with the present things. I am not interested in wasting my present for the past worries. I will try my maximum to avoid the regrets and divert myself with other activities.
Our regrets never change anything and it is merely waste of time. No one will get any benefits with their worries. Mistakes are common to every one and we must learn from our mistakes. Regretting for our mistake don't change any thing, but we can rectify our mistake in the next time to get success in our life. So avoid regretting and rectify your faults. Our past is our experience we must learn lessons from our experience and avoid worrying about the past.
Some persons are spending a lot of time with their regrets, but they are wasting their precious time unnecessarily. If we come forward to rectify our mistakes and do our work properly in the correct time, we will over come from our regrets. So find out the ways to avoid regrets and do your work properly to avoid unwanted worries and tears in your life.
@silentwill (1685)
• Philippines
18 Nov 12
Hi vidhyaprakash_2. I agree that the present is the most important and we should live in it, not in the past or in the future. But the past is important too and you mentioned the reason yourself, which is to learn from our mistakes. So we should not forget it either.
@Angelpink (4034)
• Philippines
20 Oct 12
I can relate with your story. Let me share my piece. I am a nurse , i use to care and nurse other people , but so sad to my own dad i was not able to do it. So so sad , i am a dad's girl but in time when he needed me most i wan't not there. Looking back , one incident that shattered our family. There was a fire in our hometown , and only left in our home was my dad and mom and my 1 brother who don't know how to drive a car. The fire was just a block away from us but since it was the business area , buildings were so close to each other. All people in the house got panicked , dad then was so busy driving his car out , he has to drive 5 cars , brought the car bit far from the area then driving another car. From car , dad then ran to the house to rescue all the cars. All then the cars were brought to safe place. All the people forgot and even dad himself , that he got heart ailment. Until one moment , dad was found in our stairs , so tired seating . He was so tired that he got collapsed , too late when he reached hospital , Dad passed away because of fatal heart attack. I cried for this , even a glass of water i wasn't able to hand in to dad . I wasn't able to gave him , emergency meds . Had i ? he would not have that fatal heart attacked. Had i been there , dad will not die . Had i have given him Epinephrine , he will survived. These were the guilty feelings until now i ma carrying. I am a nurse but i wasn't able to care and nurse dad !!
But guess we need to forgive ourself for this , sometimes or oftentimes things are never in the control of our hands. Nothing then we can do , though its is so painful but we need to accept and moved on. Things happen for a reason.
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