Winter and Spring
By AidaLily
@AidaLily (1450)
United States
October 24, 2012 9:21am CST
These relationships are full of double standards.
If a younger male dates an older woman, then his friends (usually in the secondary and post secondary education years) find it great. Most people wouldn't bat much of an eye and should it be in media then it would only last a moment and then nothing.
However on the flip side, if a younger woman dates an older male suddenly she gets labeled and/or classified as having many different problems such as claiming she "daddy issues", or that she only wants him for money if he is established, and the list goes on.
In a recent discussion with my friend who is 33 about this, he said he couldn't ever date a girl who was 18 years old. The reason being was not that they couldn't find things in common (yes there are 18 year olds out there more mature than older people), but that it would just be awkward since she was 18 even though she was legal and even if they had a great time talking.
Now in the same conservation, he asked me how I would feel at 18 and I would date someone older. I told him that the idea had crossed my mind and I had entertained the idea of dating an older male. Not for any of those issues someone would have labeled me with, but a sense of "Why not?". What on earth would have been wrong if I had met a charming male of perhaps anywhere between 55 - 75 and started a relationship? To me it would have been finding someone whom I felt a connection with, but many people see this subject differently.
What are your thoughts on this? Could you have dated someone considerably older than you at the age of 18? 21? Do you feel as though it would have been because you had underlying issues or just that you felt a connection? What do you feel about other people involved in such relationships?
1 person likes this
2 responses
@grandpa_lash (5225)
• Australia
25 Oct 12
Actually, my experience has been a bit different. Admittedly it was 50 years ago lol, but I did date a woman in her 40s, ex-army, when I was early 20s, and constantly got bombarded with, "She's old enough to be your mother, what are doing?" I felt I must be a bit odd because the age thing never crossed my mind, I just liked and fancied her and so went for it. I did learn an awful lot from her in one area lol.
More recently (8 years ago) I was living with a girl 36 years my junior, in a triad arrangement. Even in the BDSM scene there was some comment, not to do with me having 2 women but over the age gap; I couldn't have cared less, but it is amusing to note it seems to work both ways. She certainly wasn't after my money (I had none) or my looks lol. In the end it was purely the physical difficulties of keeping up with her that led me to break it off (the other, older woman is still with me), as my health was beginning to really impact on my activities.
I don't know if it is as noticeable in ordinary dating sites or in ordinary life, but within that BDSM scene age gaps, if not quite as large as that one of mine, are fairly common. A lot of submissives are seeking an authority figure and often see that as tied in with age.
Lash
1 person likes this
@WakeUpKitty (8694)
• Netherlands
24 Oct 12
It is the first time I hear that if a younger male date an older woman people find it great. If you read the discussions over here you know that is not true. People find it normal to see old guys with way younger women. This is already normal since ages in all kind of cultures. I have no problem with age difference since it's not the age that is making the difference but the way you are raised, educated and what life experiences you have. There are 14 years old who never had a childhood, never been a teenager and never will be. There are 50 year old people who had a very easy life, always will be a child and never had or will have any worries or responsibilities. Fact is you have to have something in common if you want a succesful relationship.
You have less in common if you are 16-18 and love to go out, live a student life, with someone who is 35 and already is working/making career.
But you have way more in common if you are 35 (working/building your life) with someone who is 55 and has the same kind of life. Even the age difference might be the same.
My husband is younger as I am, which is no problem at all althoug it might have been a problem 10 years ago. To my opinion everybody should be free to choose his/her partner. Who am I to judge about that and why should I care? The most important thing is that person is happy. Everybody deserves that and there is no guarantee you will get old together, no matter what age you have.
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