I don't know how NOT to sweat the small stuff

I actually did ask him that yesterday and his response was "I let you go out with your girls"....number one, he doesn't "let" me do anything, I do what I choose and don't choose. He doesn't have an issue with me doing it, whether I do or not, because the trust issue is not on his end. He's cheated on me before...even tho it was close to 10 years ago, he did it in excess throughout the first year we were together. Even though he's faithful now and he's proven himself over the years to be in this for the long hull, I've never fully forgiven him for it and he knows it. He gets mad and says one of these days that I have to let it go. I have for the most part, but when you tell me, "Guys night out" and I don't even have the OPTION to go is what makes me revert back and start to wonder. I think it's one of those things that I will never get over. I feel bad sometimes because I know he feels like I'm up in his sauce all the time, which is probably true. Back then, we both got used to the "no privacy" thing and if anything, it's become habit. He doesn't keep phone locks anymore or passwords on things that I don't know, etc, but it's times like this that still make me wonder. I'm 98% sure that he's not doing anything that he's not supposed to be doing and I want to trust him so bad, but the fact that I KNOW, no matter how long ago it was, that he is capable of straying, it leaves that little 2% nagging suspicion that I just can't let go of. I know it's ridiculous and I need to get over it already, but I don't know how to. Sometimes I wonder if I look for reasons to say "Ha! I told you so!" but I can't ever find any. But thank you for your response. I will try talking to him, even though it probably won't do any good because he feels like he's proven himself to be faithful over the last 10 years and he works his butt off to take care of us and he deserves a night away from home. Which is true and it's selfish of me to try to take that away.

Oh, that explains a lot now. It is very difficult to let that go, even though it was so many years ago. Especially when like you said you did not even get the option of going or not. Of course your going to think something if you were not welcome to go. Then you feel like he is hiding something even if he is not. Things should never be hidden on his end because it will make you think the worst! I am going to tell you something that I do not tell many people but before my husband and I were married, we were just dating, I was 19, immature and not sure yet of who or what I wanted and I made the horrible mistake of cheating on him. It has been 9 years ago now. I regret it something terrible. I know it was wrong and so stupid! But honestly, my husband still cannot let it go completely either. Sometimes it comes up when we argue. BUT I hide absolutely nothing from him and I am completely honest with him now. I have never done it again and I never ever would. It hurt me so much when I saw how much it hurt him! He knows I was just young and stupid at the time, he knows I would never hurt him like that ever again. But if I ever hid something from him, he would think I was doing something wrong, I know he would. So, I hide absolutely NOTHING because I don't want him to think for one second that it would ever happen again because it wouldn't. I completely understand where your coming from and I hope you don't let your mind get you too crazy! I know its easier said than done though...

I just responded to another disucussion you have on this issue. This makes me understand where you are coming from a whole lot more now. You already have had issues with him on this sort of thing and the trust has been broken. I admit that I would be upset also. Even though it has been 10 yrs, I am sure that it is always somewhere lurking in the bck of your mind and you are worried of it happening again. I hope he makes it home safe and without doing something stupid.

I said 40 is too old to be running around with his 20-something friends. He needs friends his own age. And I didn't say anything to him. I vented on here, hence me saying that I didn't say anything to him for THAT reason.