I disagree, and want to know what you all think
By 911Ricki
@911Ricki (13588)
Canada
November 3, 2012 9:49am CST
We pay rent to be at my parent's house, I pay for my internet, phone, food, etc. I have used their internet for online banking, and important tests because mine isnt real reliable. But when I did this I either gave thm x amount of money or say something in replace like food.
When we moved back home (my sister and I) my parents agreed they would have everything included this meaning food. Now I think that lasted for me about a month, and I bought my own food because of the items I like.
I haven't really thought about that since, I mean we do have *family dinner* but usually I bring something with me such as the other night I brought a can of corn.
Now my sister is complaining because 2 years ago they made this deal. How she shouldn't have to buy food, and they don't buy food she wants. She is standing there yelling her head off, she is 25 barely pays my parents rent. She doesn't think she should pay rent because she's at her boyfriends house all the time but her things, and her cat is at my parents.
We have shelves downstairs which we pay storage in our rent, half is mine half is hers. I just pay it since I see the meaning, it's sitting there taking up room. She kept saying it was all mine, I took it all apart with my Dad last night and 95% was hers, miine were all in bxes and I had 4 boxes all in a stack.
She is up in kitchen pulling everything apart trying to say she needs this or that. My parents are going grocery shopping, and she goes you need this this and that. I told her to go shopping herself, she is old enough to support herself. Sometimes I can see if you run out of something trading, I do this, I dont use much eggs so I traded for flour.
She then carried on how she will never move out, if they keep charging her for everything, and she cant afford anything yet she just went and bought all new clothes, and can go out for fast food everyday.
9 people like this
29 responses
@mzz663 (2772)
• United States
3 Nov 12
That is a touchy subject. We have had our grown kids stay with us and don't charge anything but have decided that the next one that does is going to have to help us out. Paying for the electric they use, the food they eat, water, etc gets expensive. We are getting to the point where we don't have enough money because we are always taking one of our kids in and helpig them out.
Like your sister, they stay with us, they go out to eat, buy things for themselves and their kids and we are stuck going from a $35 water bill to $150 a month and other bills go up, lights get left on and the electric bill tripled. Same with food, sometimes they bring their pets with them and we have two dogs but the last one that stayed with us had two dogs and we bought dog food for their dogs and it really gets expensive feeding four dogs with no one else helping.
They come and go as they please and we end up tending their pets as well as ours and it doesn't make anything easy. I think the more help you and your sister can give, the easier it will be on your parents.
3 people like this
@GardenGerty (160626)
• United States
3 Nov 12
Even as teens, if we got jobs we gave our parents some of our money. I do not know where we got that idea, but we did. I flat out told my son when he was 19 and no longer was in college that since he was not going to college he would have to work and to pay me a percentage of what he earned. My daughter never lived with me when she was not in school any more, or only briefly. She would do the same, though. When my son got separated and moved in, he gave me a certain amount, and we helped him with some stuff. He was out of work, so gave us part of his unemployment. He got a job and we set a rate. It is not a percentage, but just what we felt was fair. He thinks he gets a heck of a deal. So do we.
@mariaperalta (19073)
• Mexico
3 Nov 12
I think its better to get your own place, if you are paying all that. Might as well do it on your own. Or rent a studio somewhere else.
2 people like this
@applefreak (3130)
• Singapore
4 Nov 12
wow your sister sounds like my sister. she and her husband is living in my place. my parents are also living with me. she and her husband only pays rent which is half of the market rate. however, she always complains about things at home.
the difference is, my sister actually has her own place. she rents it out and stays with me. then she complains that she doesn't have money whenever i ask her for her rent. she also has these quirks that my parents and i are finding hard to tolerate. 
i guess our sisters are just too self-centred. in their world, there is only i, me and myself. on some days i think to myself 'she is afterall my sister'. on other days i wish i can ask her to move out...
the difference is, my sister actually has her own place. she rents it out and stays with me. then she complains that she doesn't have money whenever i ask her for her rent. she also has these quirks that my parents and i are finding hard to tolerate.
i guess our sisters are just too self-centred. in their world, there is only i, me and myself. on some days i think to myself 'she is afterall my sister'. on other days i wish i can ask her to move out...1 person likes this
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
4 Nov 12
Honestly...your sister sounds like a spoiled little brat and your parents are enabling her to continue to be one. I have 4 daughters that I raised on my own and my 26 & 27 yr old spend 3 to 4 days a week at my place. My 26 yr old has a 18 month old child. They help with food and are pretty self-sufficient. The 26 yr old...well she struggles and of course, I will never let her or her son go without what they need as long as I am able to provide it. I will say that I do not charge rent. Why? because I want them to get on their feet and be independent. The older one is here mainly because she lives out of town and her job is here...she is just trying to save on gas as well as wear & tear on her car. The younger one...well she is virtually homeless. She she scatters between here and her boyfiend's parent's place. If I charged her rent...she would be here forever. I do make her help with food and also cook and do cleaning. What are your parent's asking for rent?
1 person likes this
@bellis716 (4799)
• United States
5 Nov 12
Your sister isn't living up to her agreement, but that has too be between her and your parents. If I were you, I'd move out and see how long your parents let sister run over them.
1 person likes this
@andy77e (5156)
• United States
4 Nov 12
What your sister does isn't your business. What is your business is your deal with your parents. She is none of your concern.
If you really don't like the fact she is a spoiled brat, you have two options, move out, or complain endlessly, making you no better than her.
Your parents have allowed you and her to live under their roof, in their home. You can either choose to get your own place, or accept the fact that some things are going to happen in the place you live, that you don't like, because it's not your place.
That's your choice to stay there. It's not your home "but I pay rent!" IT IS NOT YOUR HOME. If you had an actual apartment, at least you would have control over what happens in your apartment. But you have ZERO CONTROL HERE. IT IS NOT YOUR HOME.
Your parents have the option to pamper missy princess until the end of time. You choose to either accept that, or move out.
Moving out of your parents house is part of growing up. Staying there to "save money" is a great way to end up a child for the rest of your life. I've never met a successful man who was still living in their parents home.
Nor have a met a happy wealth man who lived in their parents home.
Look, you can bicker at your sister until the end of time. You have no control over her, nor your parents. If you really want her to grow up, then move yourself out of that house and show her by example what it means to be a responsible adult.
You can justify over and over how you are totally different than her, but as long as you stay in that house, she sees you as no different at all, and she's right. You'll never convince her of anything staying in your parents home.
So don't even talk to her about it. You are wasting your time.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
4 Nov 12
You worded this pretty harshly but for once I actually do agree with you. My girls move home periodically because of breakups with boyfriends or other hard times...the goal is to get them back to being independent. Out of 4 girls...one does struggle more. She is in a different situation and while I do help her a bit more than the others..i push her to be independent...it's not ok to live at home forever. She knows that and it's not an argument here. Since the goal is to help them be independent, I totally understand how paying rent might make that difficult. I don't charge my girls rent. They help with food and chores and they have they have to be actively saving and looking to find a place.
@andy77e (5156)
• United States
4 Nov 12
But life is difficult isn't it? Making things easy, actually makes it more difficult in the long run, because they get used to an easy way of life. It's harder to move out, when suddenly all the things you didn't have to take care of, now you do. Getting your child use to paying rent, and do everything themselves, will make it easier to transition to independent living. Short term pain, long term gain.
The bald eagle, doesn't just push the kids out of the nest, it tears the nest to bits, intentionally. That way the children know they have to move on. It's not just learn to fly, so you can fly back to the nest.
The sad duty of every parent, like you referred to, is to work yourself out of a job. If your kids are even remotely dependent on you for anything, when you die, you failed as a parent. Every individual has only two significant responsibilities in life. To care for their spouse, and to parent their children.
You know you won't be here forever. The sooner they learn who to deal with life without you, the better off they'll be.
@dfollin (25351)
• United States
3 Nov 12
Hi Ricki,I just went through a similar thing when my teenage daughter and I were in between places and had to stay with my mom and uncle.My oldest son had lived there before till her was 31 and never paid rent.And because before we moved I took my daughter on our first vacation ever both him and my other son's girlfriend got mad because we went on vacation but had not been paying rent.We did provide most of our food unless they wanted us to join them in a meal.And we also did a lot of other things to help them out.So,I think your right.
1 person likes this
@sulynsi (2671)
• Canada
4 Nov 12
Sounds like your sister needs a serious reality check.
If she left as little as a box in any storage container, she would have to pay the full rent due.
Just because its her parents, she figures they should "understand"
Better she go off and learn what its really like to be an adult.
1 person likes this
@sjvenden27 (1840)
• United States
4 Nov 12
I think your sister should have to pay for her own stuff period.. For her to think that it is her right to make your parents feed her when she is an adult.. So is so wrong.. Then sitting there and taking advantage of the space that is suppose to be split between the both of you.. Really??
Then cry that she has no money but sit there and spend her money on things that do not help her towards her own independance.. New clothes... Then say that she should have to pay for all of her part of the rent because she is with her boyfriend at his house a lot... Really??
Does she remember what it was like when she had her own place?? Things are not just handed out, bills are not put on pause just because she is not there... your sister needs a reality check..
My sister is doing stuff like this just different cirrcumstances; I understand the frustration...
1 person likes this
@lacieice (2060)
• United States
3 Nov 12
Since your parents address is her address and her things are there, she should definitely pay rent. She should also pay 1/4 of the utilites and food. If she wants special food just for her, then she should pay for it herself. Does she work? If not, she should. She needs to learn to be responsible.
1 person likes this
@STOUTjodee (3573)
• United States
3 Nov 12
Well, I can relate to this topic! My husband and I have had to live with family and family has lived with us. You decide what is to be done. You either share financially with the bills or you do things around the house for being able to stay there. One always is courteous to each other's private space. It's not easy living with family, but there also must be rules to be followed. I'd like to see your sister have her own place or a place where she has other room mates. I'm sure other room mates wouldn't tolerate her behavior..just sayin'
@riyauro (6421)
• India
3 Nov 12
this is crazy situation you are in. I am so confused on what to say. I feel for you. If I were you i would not be able to handle it and I would just leave to some place where I will find peace. I Don't know why you are going through this. I am sorry ricki but you need to think what about it. Do you really need to go through this? Thanks for sharing and have a wonderful day ahead.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (160626)
• United States
3 Nov 12
Ricki, I cannot comment well on your situation as I cannot imagine adult parents or children acting that way. I can tell you what goes on at our house, as my adult son lives with us at this time. He went through a divorce and they had a foreclosure as well. He needed to move in with us, and I had the space.
I also told him not to pay for storage, buy a shed and put it on our property, he did. It is full. He has a large bedroom and closet, also full. He has things in our living room. He has things in my small shed and in another shed we have. He pays me rent. He eats meals I cook in the evening, but he also buys most of his breakfast and lunch foods. If he is concerned about whether he can have something, he asks, and we say yes or not. If he has stuff he is not using, if we need it we ask. He washes his clothes, using my machine, my detergent. He uses our internet, and our printer, but he has bought ink for it. If we have technical and computer problems, he fixes them for us. I buy some things because I know he likes them, and I have added a second refrigerator. I love having him here, but when he gets married next year I will be pleased he is gone. His fiancee was able to buy a bank owned house and they are paying less than rent would cost. Your family sounds like it is a very sad mess.
@bjc66bjc (6730)
• United States
3 Nov 12
Yes Gerty that does sound like a real sad mess...But I agree
wih you I really can't imagine living like that...
Ricki, My son and I live in the same apartment and thank God
he is there because I could not afford to pay the rent if he
wasn't there...I am on a fixed income but I get no assistance
from housing, food stamps, section or anything...
But even tho we live together, I respect what he buys for himself
and he respect mine...I think sharing is caring and when people
live together there has to be some boundaries..but to get to
the point of yelling thats not going to happen..I cook for myself
and he cooks when he eats home...he works 3-11 so he very seldom
eats home...I have no problem with that...he washes his own clothes
and what nots..
I really don't know what I really would do if he wasn't here, even
tho the communication between us is barely adequate...
1 person likes this
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
6 Nov 12
okay she is wrong, but then so are your parents if food was agreed to be included in the money you all give them.
My son loves with me, his food is included in the rent, and I would not charge him storage all he has are the things in his room and even if I had a basement I wonder charge him storage that is crazy. He is my son not a stranger.
@williamjisir (22819)
• China
5 Nov 12
I think that it is supposed to be fair to everyone in dealing with this because everyone has the responsibility in the sharing. Take my home for an example. I have three siblings. When we do something for our parents, we usually pay almost equal for it. To be fair in handling things is very important. Take care.
@Canellita (12029)
• United States
5 Nov 12
Your sister seems rather immature and selfish. Your parents will have to decide how much they want to put up with. I, personally am against parents charging kids rent; I am also against kids not helping in whatever way they can if being at home puts a hardship on their parents.
Parents should prepare kids for adult life so they can live on their own successfully, and adult kids should respect everyone in the household and the rules if they want to live there after 21.
@Canellita (12029)
• United States
6 Nov 12
I also believe that when you don't have the money you do without, but not everyone feels that way. Would you believe someone I know was selling tickets for a party once, and when I said I didn't even have a job she asked if there was someone I could borrow the money from? Can you say clueless?
I wish you the best. That is a really touch situation to be in; I hope things improve for you very soon and that you are never again in a position where you need to borrow money to have medication or food or anything else essential.
@911Ricki (13588)
• Canada
6 Nov 12
I am the opposite I believe in charging anyone over 18 rent (or not in school). But putting rules ahead, and not allow one kid to do one thing and not the others.
My sister has no responsibility or reality of having to pay bills, and support herself. In the end it comes back to my parents, they treat us all differently and you can tell. My brother, and sister are both in major debt, and cant budget money. My younger brother doesnt work, nor pays a single bills. If I dont have the money then I do without, I asked once to borrow money for medication I was told tough get another job (on top of the 4 jobs I currently work).
@aghiuta (525)
• Canada
25 Nov 12
I will be blunt!She should pay her share,or your parents should show her the door!!!!
This entitlement has to end!!! I am very proud of my daughters,that once they moved out,they never expected to come back or to be given food ...even when they had hard times,(between jobs).
@gilenie (190)
•
26 Nov 12
This always happen if all siblings are still living together with their parents.I sometimes tell myself its good in USA where once the siblings grew old/mature enough at age 20? if im not mistaken they need to move on rent their own place in this case the siblings will eventually realize the financial matters.But in Philippines most of us even some siblings had already married they stay still at their parents house so the scenario will be lots of arguments abt financial matters like water bil, phone bill, electric bill and food.In my own opinion since all of you are already grew up and had work try to live separately in this way fights and arguments will be solved.
