No more freedom
By Christoph56
@Christoph56 (1504)
Canada
November 8, 2012 8:14pm CST
An old friend of mine from high school was living out in Asia for years, teaching english. He came back to his home down about a year ago, and now we're in our 30's. He's started a new life out here, and really got a thing for Asian girls. Well, he started getting involved with a Japanese girl who has this amazing little girl. They dated for about 3 months, when they moved in together in a 1 bedroom + den apartment downtown. The little girl has her room as the den, about enough room for her bed in the air, and all her toys underneith. They've only been together for about 6 months now, which is actually the length of his longest relationship previous to this.
Its funny how they jumped into all this so fast, and I don't mind, if its making them happy, then thats great. The strange part is, now he's so tied to her, that if I ever want to be hanging out with him, he has to make sure it's ok with her, and if we're out, he has to check in with her every few minutes, and get back home when she tells him to, and don't do want she tells him not to do. It's already getting to him a bit, but he loves her, so he's okay with it... sorta...
The last time we hang out, things with her was all he talked about, because she has become a big part of his life, stories about her again and again, until he has to message her to talk to her a bot. Its kinda like he's loosing friendship because of his importance for this girl.
So, the big question is, is this a good thing or a bad thing? Loosing friendships because you're putting so much into your significant other. The man is in love, he already has plans for marriage (and if that doesn't happen, it wouldn't be the first time he had his expectations set a bit too high) Perhaps if it does go that way, a time will hit where I just don't see him again. Also, if he feels the need to separate things more, how would he go about that? Should he be worried about his girl saying no, and trapping him in, or would it be a good thing for him, since he's crazy about her?
What's your opinion?
3 responses
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
9 Nov 12
I think that it is best to keep friends even if you are already involved with a serious relationship. That is one thing that I am sorry about till this day. I was so much in love with my boyfriend (now my husband), that I never really had time to be with my friends. The relationship had kept me away from my friends. And now that we have been married, and I wanted to be with my friends, the more it has become difficult coz he is not used to seeing me out of the house being with friends. There would be some "discussions" before I could get out of the house.
Your friend might be in the same situation as I did. Maybe you could tell him what he has become after being with the girl. You are his friend, and he should be able to listen to you.
1 person likes this
@Christoph56 (1504)
• Canada
9 Nov 12
I agree with you, with this whole thing pushing closer and closer between the two of them, I don't know just what it'll escalate to. It seems like now, she doesn't want him to be away from her at all, unless he has work or school to be involved in... and who knows where it'll go from there?
The last piece that he told me, is that they now have a rule, that if one of them is going somewhere, they both have to go... which works easily for her, but it means that he won't be able to do anything, "just with the guys". That seems a bit too pushy, and I'm afraid that it's going to backlash after enough time...
But, the two are in love, and there's nothing wrong with that... I'll just keep my eye on the situation.
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
10 Nov 12
nothing wring with being in love. We just don't have to push other impirtant peoplr in our lives.
@sexyposh (575)
• Philippines
9 Nov 12
Here's a point of view from a woman... Your friend is definitely inlove, and his way of expressing his love to his partner is spending most of his time with her. It may sound weird to you, but you have to accept it because you are his friend. And when the time comes, you too will be in the relationship and you will also experience the same thing. But don't take it as a negative.. Because your girlfriend will also do the same. She will also spend most of her time with you. She will also consider your concerns everytime she's making a decision. Don't you think that just fair?
@Christoph56 (1504)
• Canada
9 Nov 12
I disagree. I'm in a relationship now, and have been in them before, but I've never been at the point where all time has to be spent together. I personally really like having my own time, and I feel held down if I always have someone around me.
If it's both of them wanting the same thing, then of course it's fair, its what the two of them want, and he really likes this girl. Of course, I think that the two of them have a bit different reasons for wanting what they have, but if it comes out positive for both, then it's not a problem.
But I do worry that it'll become more and more of a problem. I'll let them be what they want to be, and if I don't get to see as much of him, well, that's just how it goes. I'm just a bit worried he'll get to the point where he's too smothered, and more panic. I'd rather they just took it easier, but, he'll do what he wants to do.
@cutepenguin (6431)
• Canada
10 Nov 12
I think as she makes friends - which she is bound to do, as it's pretty easy to meet other moms and dads when you are taking your child to school and to classes - she will build a bit more of her own life. Any relationship is like this at the beginning, where both partners are a bit obsessed with each other.
There isn't much you can do to help but to wait.
