This holiday season will be different...and not in a good way.
By lacieice
@lacieice (2060)
United States
November 8, 2012 10:10pm CST
In February, my daughter, Lisa, lost her fight with neuro-endocrin cancer. She left behind two children, a 12 year old boy, Austin, and a 16 year old girl, Megan. Hubby and I never did have a good relationship with her husband, Ed, and Megan is not his child. My daughter had her in a previous marriage.
Anyway, he let us know in no uncertain terms that he didn't want anything to do with us anymore. I've only seen Austin 3 times since February. I've seen Megan more frequently, but the whole holiday thing is not gonna be good this year.
We always hosted Thanksgiving dinner, but since Lisa is gone, its just not the same. We are not having a dinner this year. My son and his wife both work in retail, and they will both be working to get ready for black Friday.
Then there's Christmas. The entire family has a big party at my nephew's home, but, of course, Ed will not attend, so I hopefully will be able to take the kids with me to the party and have them open their gifts before we go, but I'm not sure it will work out.
Christmas morning, everybody came to my house to open presents, and that isn't gonna happen, either. My son and his family will be here, but that's all.
We used to decorate all out, but that's not gonna happen this year, either. We used to decorate outside and in...garland and lights all around the doors, an outside and inside tree, all kinds of stuff setting around...but there will probably only be an inside tree this year, and not much else.
It's a very bad year.
2 people like this
5 responses
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
9 Nov 12
I feel so sorry for you not having your daughter around anymore, especially at Christmas, a horrible time for those who have lost their loved ones.
Do you get on well with your son? In my family Mum gets on with me better than my brother but that's only due to the fact my brother is very quiet and doesn't talk much..Mum is a chatterbox and can talk to me for hours on end and I never try to shut her up. I'm convinced that if anything ever happened to me that would be the end of her. That's not blowing my own trumpet; it's a fact. It's the 'mother and daughter' thing, which I'm sure you are aware of.
As for suggestions; I cannot think of any to be honest as nothing I say can bring your daughter back, much as I'd like to.
@lacieice (2060)
• United States
9 Nov 12
My son and I have a decent relationship, although he and his wife like to keep things to themselves. I try not to ask him any questions about what is going on with him...I just wait for him to tell me what he wants me to know. I learned my lesson about that a long time ago. I guess I had trouble realizing that he is an adult now, and I can't neb in his life.
There is nothing that can change the way things are...we just have to deal with it.
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
9 Nov 12
I must say you're being very brave.
A friend of Mum's (who she used to work with) has a daughter who lost both her twins recently..she very nearly went full-term with them as well..and I can tell that Debbie (the friend) just isn't the same mentally, understandably. A relative of hers has a pregnant daughter and - ordinarily, Debbie would be over-the-moon but, as she said to Mum, 'I can't get enthusiastic and I feel guilty about it.'
Debbie's daughter actually lives with her and her Dad and has told her that she is never going to try for any more babies (she isn't currently in a relationship with anyone) and I think Debbie is really upset about this as she so wants to be a grandma. The son Lee, is in no hurry to become a father either. In time, Kelly (the daughter) may decide to have children but - personally - I can sympathise with the way she is feeling at the moment and she needs time..lots of time, to get over or deal with her loss a bit easier...if that's the right word.
2012 has indeed been a poor year for some.
Debbie's daughter actually lives with her and her Dad and has told her that she is never going to try for any more babies (she isn't currently in a relationship with anyone) and I think Debbie is really upset about this as she so wants to be a grandma. The son Lee, is in no hurry to become a father either. In time, Kelly (the daughter) may decide to have children but - personally - I can sympathise with the way she is feeling at the moment and she needs time..lots of time, to get over or deal with her loss a bit easier...if that's the right word.
2012 has indeed been a poor year for some.@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
9 Nov 12
I'd like to say that it will get better..but it's hard as I don't know you personally.
I'm pleased your son has recovered though..something to hold onto for the year that's passed. A small consolation but..something.
@jaiho2009 (39141)
• Philippines
9 Nov 12
Sorry to hear about this.
Hope the relationship won't be affected, but it doesn't look good.
I have misunderstanding with my family long time ago and I know how does it feels celebrating special occasions without our beloved ones.
@jaiho2009 (39141)
• Philippines
9 Nov 12
I understand your feeling.
My parents only doesn't want me around- but my kids should be with them in every occasion.
It's my fault anyway that is why I endure the punishment.
Thanks they've forgiven me and I know I deserved it.
@lacieice (2060)
• United States
9 Nov 12
I don't care about Ed. I don't care if I ever see or talk to him again. He spent their entire marriage trying to keep my daughter away from her family. I guess he figured he didn't have or need one, so she didn't, either. But I will see those kids. Just let him try to stop me.
@KrauseHome (36448)
• United States
20 Nov 12
Well, first off Sorry to hear about loosing your daughter and how you are not able to see her kids that often now. Hoping somehow you will be able to spend some needed time with them this Holiday season. We are unable to do much ourselves this yr. financially but doing what we can. Just remember no matter what happens God is in control, and enjoy the family you can be with.
@musicman6 (2407)
• United States
27 Apr 13
Well I can clearly see why ya'll didn't have a good relationship with your son-in-law! It's hard to have one with a sorry person!
I do know that what goes around, comes around, and one of these days he will get what he deserves!
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
9 Nov 12
Hello, laciece! I am so sorry about your daughter. It may be really difficult for you to have the same happiness unlike the past years but we have to face reality. I hope that Ed would still let the kids be with you on special occasions like Christmas and Thanksgiving.
I am so sorry about your daughter. It may be really difficult for you to have the same happiness unlike the past years but we have to face reality. I hope that Ed would still let the kids be with you on special occasions like Christmas and Thanksgiving.