Please give me tips on how to raise Independent Kids
By jureathome
@jureathome (5361)
Philippines
November 12, 2012 10:01am CST
My 4 year old is very attached to me, and is still very dependent on me. It's hard, because I now have another baby who also demands of my time and attention. I've just started to train her how to eat on her own and bathe herself, but every time, she would resist. It would take a few minutes, argument and even yelling, just to get her to move.
I hope to train her to be more independent and responsible, especially that she is the eldest sibling.
What tips can you share?
4 responses
@mzz663 (2772)
• United States
12 Nov 12
It sounds to me like she may be a little jealous and want some time alone with you. Maybe you could incorporate her into helping with the new baby. My daughter used to help me by getting diapers, wipes and all kinds of little jobs. You could start rewarding her with hugs and kisses and story time just for her when the little one is napping. Kid like attention, whether it is good or bad attention and if you argue or yell at her, it only makes her resist more because she is getting some kind of attention.
I would tell her that if she could eat on her own, I would read her a story when the baby is napping or play a simple little game with her.
Jealousy is not a good thing. Positive attention goes a lot further than negative attention and to make her more independent, find her more little things to do that make you both happy! Kids remind me of puppies sometimes, they want to please mommy and make her happy with them. When Mommy is happy, everyone else seems to be!
1 person likes this
@jureathome (5361)
• Philippines
12 Nov 12
Thanks so much for your response.
I do involve her in those little tasks you mentioned, and she does like it. Even when she's playing with her toys, she would stand up right away to gather the things I need for her baby sister.
I think you're right about the jealousy, and I just hope I'd keep myself composed and won't allow myself to burst out my frustrations on the poor little girl.
@angelwithkids (1256)
• United States
12 Nov 12
That's great that she's helping with her baby sister, wanting her to to bathe, if she had a special toy that could go in the tub with her. Maybe letting her pick out her own pj's for the night or clothes for the day. Let her help with preparing meals. Getting ingredients to maybe stirring ingredients that don't have to be on a stove top. If it's in the oven, maybe turning the light on so she can "check" on it.
That's what I used to do with my two kids. They're teenagers now, they are definitely independent.
@jureathome (5361)
• Philippines
13 Nov 12
Perhaps, I'm not seeing it yet, right now. But, I realized that the small things I've gotten her involved with could pave the way for her to learn independence and being responsible as she grows. From what you said, your kids are independent teenagers now, just because you let them help out in small tasks at home.
@angelwithkids (1256)
• United States
13 Nov 12
It takes time. I had them helping me load the dishwasher, put silverware away, and then it lead to washing the dishes. Always start off with small tasks that they can handle and as they get older, they can do more. When they were old enough to use the phone, I started to teach them how to use the washer and dryer. :) Just take little steps.
@jureathome (5361)
• Philippines
13 Nov 12
Yeah, I remembered, when I was little, my mother would train us to help in household chores such as in cleaning the house. I would be in charge of sweeping the floor and dusting off furnitures, while my brother mops the floor and washes the dishes. However, my brother didn't learn to be responsible, and he's now 29 years old.
@edvc77 (2140)
• Philippines
13 Nov 12
I have a three year old son and he is attached with me too. However, I train him step by step to be independent. He can get a glass of water on his own and sometimes I let him get things like the diapers and wipes. I am training him to go to restroom to urinate however he doesn't like the sound of the flush. Maybe when he grown up a little bit he will get over it.
Have a nice day!
@jureathome (5361)
• Philippines
13 Nov 12
Oh that's cute. My little girl always calls for mom when she needs anything, even when she wants to urinate. But, I just tell her to go do what she needs to, and sometimes, I would just give her the look that means GO! I don't know why she keeps doing that, when she doesnt' really get anything different from me.
@annewangmr (10)
• China
13 Nov 12
Most of kids like to listen fairy tale in which you can make some changes based on some favorite cartoon figure your daughter like. In fairy story this role like to eat and bath by itself and enjoy to care their youngest sister.... From the story kids will imitate it unknowingly and be more independent. Hope it's useful for you.
@jureathome (5361)
• Philippines
13 Nov 12
That's a classic. I like that. I haven't really thought of that. But, what I have been doing is tell her about what other kids her age can do, like her cousins and even classmates. Some, I jst make up, so she'd be challenged, but Im careful that she won't get jealous.
